it's over - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 02:27 PM Thread Starter
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it's over

My wife and I are having issues with many things, that I know, I should be doing better. For the past few years its been hard for me to give her all the attention that she wants. Most of the problems is from my kids from a previous marriage and how we all interact with her kids and such. I know that I have my issues and tried working on them with her, it did not always work out, but we did try and correct them.
After the other day I was told that I should leave and go take my kids and live with my mom. Which was hurtful, but wasn't the first time I was told that from her. My kids do not get along with my wife, mostly in how she likes to control everything, including her own grown kids. I always felt that for me to always be questioned in how I do things or interact with my kids is wrong. I have posted before about this issue before and felt I was complaining, and even went to therapy together to work on it and was told by the therapist to just get a divorce. Which I thought wasn't very helpful in that I was the one to go to therapy in the first place.
After that session, we did talk about things and were ok for a while, until recently after a recent trip that I was originally not supposed to go did it occured to me that she was wanting out. It was because of the vehicle she was driving was having issues and I was going along for as a mechanic. She knows how to do many things, but I feel that I'm only here because all the utilities are in my name and able to fix things around the house we live in. She tends to be controlling on a lot of things, I can't do anything without having her questioning in where I was and why it took so long to do anything. I see that its from her upbringing always following the rules without breaking them, yet she has a history of several marriages that didn't work out, while this is my 2nd. There seems to be a level of control from her that isn't really healthy. I feel that if I don't cater to her needs as how she wants it, she gets upset and gives out commets that are hurtful, and spiteful. I don't feel like my needs or anything I want to do are acceptable with her or how she felt that I should live my life. What it boils down to is that if I didn't do the things that she wanted me to do, if it was working around the house or disciplining my kids or working she would make comments about it. Making me feel bad, like I was a hurt dog. I didn't speak up or tried to confront her about it because I knew that I would be thrown out or worse she would say that she would "throw all my sh** out the door", "burn all my sh**" or many other things. For someone to be a faithful type of person, she sure is very violent about what she wanted to do to me. Probably why the past history of her relationships.
I know I'm probably venting and/or complaining, but now I'm ready to move on. She always have told me that I don't give her enough attention to how she wants to be treated like, but to make comments that is somewhat hurtful after trying to show her attention or being intimate is not helpful. Its one sided in this relationship and after being told many times that she can do things on her own, yet can't or will not have anything in her name because she don't want to ruin her credit or something like that. I am now ready to just move on and be closer to my kids and move on. Tired of being belittled and always questioned in what I do. If its not her way then it's wrong, but now after hearing that she wants me out and willing to set fire to my stuff, its time to leave.

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 03:28 PM
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Re: it's over

She sounds like an impossible person to live with.

I agree with the counselor, get a divorce.

Does your wife have a job?

Are the utilizes and lease where you live in your name?
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 04:39 PM
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Re: it's over

After reading this and your other threads, only one word - FINALLY!

This abusive relationship needed to end.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 05:03 PM
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Re: it's over

Quote:
Originally Posted by coreoutdoors View Post
There seems to be a level of control from her that isn't really healthy.
No kidding. If your wife is really as controlling as you've described, it will be impossible for you and your kids to manage in that house without a complete surrender to what she wants, which doesn't seem in the greater interest of everyone's happiness. I believe you're doing the right thing for yourself and your kids by getting out.

Since you have your kids and your wife has her own kids, I assume there would be no custody issues, but I'm not sure how these things work when families are pooled. Would think the biological parent gets his/her kids, but you may want to check your state divorce law, and consult a divorce attorney for free.

Good luck with everything! Happiness is not far away...
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 05:11 PM
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Re: it's over

Breaking up with controlling abusive people is hard, I can only imagine what it might be like in a marriage. She will get worse...she will be nice, then mean, then nice, then mean. Always keeping you wondering. But, just know, that's the common cycle of abuse especially when the abuser senses that he/she is losing their favorite toy. Stay strong, I'll be praying for you!

''Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time.'' - Unknown
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 05:27 PM
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Re: it's over

Uh, Wow.

The venom from this skunk of a wife.

I would be tempted to put her in her place. But that place is dark, deep, and surrounded by roots and damp earth.

She is not worth the trouble. Going to jail or the electric chair is not worth it.

Just up and leave. Leave her high and dry. Move to another state with no notice. No contact.

Contact a local lawyer and get yourself free. Any money lost is worth the price of not seeing, hearing, touching or smelling this Skunk!

Evermore again, quadruple squared.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 06:54 PM
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Re: it's over

Op
I did read your other posts.
Question -- do you have ADHD?
It's pretty vague..but I did catch that she is certainly unhappy with certain things and you haven't been able to make the changes (a couple of years)
As a permissive parent, you have NO idea how truly screwed up your kids are going to be.
Yes, they should go live with your mom.
Do your kids understand boundaries, respect, and consequences?
Do you allow them to disrespect your wife, because you aren't a confrontational kinda person?
You mention that you know your wife had some very good points about their behaviour. And yours.
But perhaps you just lack the motivation. Some time to yourself might be just what you need.
To work on yourself, establish boundaries, and do what is best for your children, not your ego. They have friends. They need a father.
Good luck to you, I hope you find some peace.


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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 08:11 PM
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Cool Re: it's over

Congratulations are definitely in order!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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