Ending Limbo? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-24-2017, 12:33 PM
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Re: Ending Limbo?

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Originally Posted by Thestarsarefalling View Post
I want to share something that I am embarrassed to admit to another thinking person. It's not sound logic. Another reason I am motivated to R is because I selfishly want another kid. It was apart of the conditions of the first R but when the timing was good he said no. He has said no the whole time. Now I am 35 and part of me wants to insist baby now or D. That is not good thinking on my part, I know! In my head, D after baby #2 would be better than D now.

I envision growing old alone to turn into some bitter old lady who keeps telling the young girls to be careful and don't trust men. I have met them and was warned. I could be an old pug lady since I am not into cats. Feel free to yell at me for this.
A baby in exchange for reconciliation. I'm sure any child would be delighted to know that was the condition under which they were brought into the world.

I don't know if the word selfish captures the fact that this child will have to spend at least the first 18 years of their life with parents in a dysfunctional relationship (or if he/she is lucky, deal with the dysfunction then the divorce) and have to deal with the resulting emotional baggage for the rest of their lives because mom needed to satisfy her need for a 2nd child.

The flippancy with which parents consider bringing children into unhealthy, dysfunctional environments saddens me. This is not some cute puppy that will happily eat/****/sleep regardless of whether its owner is cheating on his wife. This is another human being, with feelings and emotions. Would you choose to be in your situation if you could pick any other life for you and your 5-year old? Why in the world would you force a child to live in your unhappy situation?

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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-24-2017, 12:58 PM
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Re: Ending Limbo?

This is like reading my own story. Make me feel better I am not the only enabling BS here LOL

Do not have the baby! It will not help and just creates another bond to him that you will not be able to shake. If you really want another child and can do it on your own then do that. It would be better than extending your sentence with this man.

My H also continued working with the OW so I know your pain there but just to be sure you understand the person you are with he enjoys the pain this causes you, he sees it as a type of control. Let me guess when you give him an boundary he picks a fight, makes it your fault, and then gives you the silent treatment. Then he will find a way to hurt you emotionally. This is abuse and you need to end this cycle.

Here is the bad news, there is no way to pull the band aid off slowly with guys like this. When you leave it will be bad. My MC prepared me for it but even I was surprised. He will be angry and hurt and co-dependent people like us hate it when other are angry. But it will fade and eventually you can co-parent. It took 3 months for me.

Trust me you will be happier alone with a pug than a life with this man.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-24-2017, 01:00 PM
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Re: Ending Limbo?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thestarsarefalling View Post

I want to share something that I am embarrassed to admit to another thinking person. It's not sound logic. Another reason I am motivated to R is because I selfishly want another kid. It was apart of the conditions of the first R but when the timing was good he said no. He has said no the whole time. Now I am 35 and part of me wants to insist baby now or D. That is not good thinking on my part, I know! In my head, D after baby #2 would be better than D now.

I envision growing old alone to turn into some bitter old lady who keeps telling the young girls to be careful and don't trust men. I have met them and was warned. I could be an old pug lady since I am not into cats. Feel free to yell at me for this.
100% selfish. Sorry. This shows no consideration for the well being of the potential child.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-24-2017, 04:22 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thestarsarefalling View Post

I want to share something that I am embarrassed to admit to another thinking person. It's not sound logic. Another reason I am motivated to R is because I selfishly want another kid. It was apart of the conditions of the first R but when the timing was good he said no. He has said no the whole time. Now I am 35 and part of me wants to insist baby now or D. That is not good thinking on my part, I know! In my head, D after baby #2 would be better than D now.

I envision growing old alone to turn into some bitter old lady who keeps telling the young girls to be careful and don't trust men. I have met them and was warned. I could be an old pug lady since I am not into cats. Feel free to yell at me for this.
100% selfish. Sorry. This shows no consideration for the well being of the potential child.
I know it is very selfish. It's also living in a dream to think all my problems would go away. H gets so much worse when he is stressed. Last time I had a baby he decided to check out the OW. Who knows how he would cope with another.
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