Waiting for depressed wife to return affection
My wife and I have always been close and open with each other, With the kid off to college and a new home in the country I thought I'd get to enjoy some "empty nest syndrome", but everything's changed.
About two years ago, my wife's company of 15 years underwent some new management. She was highly stressed and first bullied into demotion, then fired unfairly. It's resulted in some major depression and self-doubt, about her career which is pretty much over (she's been black-listed) and just how she deals with stress and bullying in general.
She's been out of work for 6 months, which is about the last time she showed me any affection, by which I mean just simple hugs or touching. She says it's her, but she doesn't talk about why she's so cold and distant and she refuses to see a therapist. I've explained how I feel and all she says is, "Why does it have to be about you?"
I also have to be very careful how I talk and act around her because she's very edgy and hair-trigger. In HER defense, my personality type is INTJ, so I can be a bit over-rational and judgemental and snippy at times (though it's something I always work on). She's INFP which means she's more feeling and perceptive - usually. I can understand how she's angry at her previous managers for bullying her, but now any disagreement we have turns into this huge battle for her to "combat oppression".
I feel like a wimp because I'm afraid to voice my opinion anymore to avoid aggravating her and I feel alone because there's no communication or intimacy. Plus I'm overweight, so that doesn't help my self-confidence (though so is she).
She thinks it'll get better once the lawsuit is over and she goes back to work, but that could take months or years and she can't let go of the past. All her friends are co-workers and all they talk about are office politics. Yet she avoids other things that make her confront her situation. She still hasn't gotten her unemployment squared away after 6 months (and God forbid I should ask about it), yet she'll set lunch dates an hour's drive away or come up with excuses to avoid doing it.
I just don't see this situation getting any better or her attitude toward me improving even if her job and self-esteem issues change. She's a different person, for better or for worse, and I'm not sure I like who she's become. How do I know when to call it quits when I can't even talk to her about it?