I'm afraid to take the plunge
Ive only been married to my husband for a year, but we've been together for 4 yrs total. we have a beautiful 1 yr old together and im starting to feel like i cant hold on. our relationship has always been rocky, hes cheated on me numerous times and everytime i gave him the benefit of the doubt like a dumb@ss b/c of his past issues he had and at that point in my life, he literally was all i had. welp, I found out i was pregnant after a horrible trip we took together. once we got back home i dumped him and never wanted to see him again(we had a horrible fight..verbal and physical)...later that night i found out i was pregnant and to this day i dont know why i didnt get an abortion. i married him b/c i felt i had no other choice and hoped he truly changed(also, my horrible mom told me my life was over and that didnt help my non existent self esteem) anyway, i found out he was cheating again......blah blah he gets deployed hes cheating and contacting at least 5 other females and unfortunately the anger and resentment for the past 2 1/2 yrs caused me to retaliate and sleep w/3 other men out of anger.
anyway...hes back now from his deployment and we've both had counseling, a few times together and separate. he kept telling me he changed and he was following my conditions and terms and how he found christ..supposedly. so i noticed i never seen his phone around and i asked him was there anything he wanted to tell me...he gave me that dumb look he gets when hes lying and i proceed to gather evidence. i hoped i wouldnt find any, but i did. he started talking to 3 more females, all were fellow soldiers and he started it after we went to counseling. at this point i hate him. i confronted him and he kept lying and denying and said i was making something into nothing. im so disgusted by him and hate i have to live w/him.
our lease ends in june and right now i only have a little over 4,000 saved up. im not working right now, but i have filled out lots of applications. something is telling me to go. everyday that voice gets louder, but i dont have much money. i started looking at apartments and im considering moving next month or in march b/c i hate him that much. my mom says he just got back and i need to give him time to adjust and proved how hes changed*eye roll* but im tired of wasting my time on this bastard
hes only been back since last wednesday and i stopped talking to him thursday........he tried to speak to me, but im allergic to bullsh*t. i couldnt do it. should i even bother to talk to him?
or should i just remain quiet and avoid him as much as possible till my my daughter and i can leave?