I'm leaving him - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:30 AM Thread Starter
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I'm leaving him

I am moving back home and in with my parents. I can't be in this toxic environment anymore. I still wish my marriage will work but he isn't stepping up to the plate and Ive done all I can do. My heart is broken.

He's not making it easy for me of course. He's blaming me, telling me he loves me and it's me who wants the divorce not him. No, I don't want a marriage where I feel like crap all the time. He doesn't get it. I need to move forward. 15 years done the drain.

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post #2 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:36 AM
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Re: I'm leaving him

Whether it works out or not, this is what you need to move forward.
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post #3 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 10:50 AM
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Re: I'm leaving him

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
I am moving back home and in with my parents. I can't be in this toxic environment anymore. I still wish my marriage will work but he isn't stepping up to the plate and Ive done all I can do. My heart is broken.

He's not making it easy for me of course. He's blaming me, telling me he loves me and it's me who wants the divorce not him. No, I don't want a marriage where I feel like crap all the time. He doesn't get it. I need to move forward. 15 years done the drain.
This is an unsurprising outcome. I think we could see it even before you could.
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post #4 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm leaving him

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This is an unsurprising outcome. I think we could see it even before you could.


I had to give it my everything. And I have.
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post #5 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:03 AM
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Re: I'm leaving him

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I had to give it my everything. And I have.
I think you are terribly lonely. That is your real problem all the other stuff is just tip of the iceberg stuff. I have repeatedly said it to you, you married a person whose job is going to take up most of his young life.

It's not necessarily over yet, it can be fixed but he hast to fix it, he can't quit his job though so you will still have to deal with it.
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post #6 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: I'm leaving him

I am SO glad you're finally at this place. Don't think of it as 15 years wasted - think of it as 15 years of learning, and now you are far smarter and know what you need and don't need.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #7 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: I'm leaving him

Oh, and (((HUGS)))

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #8 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:05 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm leaving him

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I think you are terribly lonely. That is your real problem all the other stuff is just tip of the iceberg stuff. I have repeatedly said it to you, you married a person whose job is going to take up most of his young life.



It's not necessarily over yet, it can be fixed but he hast to fix it, he can't quit his job though so you will still have to deal with it.


I agree. I'm hoping it can be fixed. I've done everything I could. Now it's time for me to focus on me, surround myself with people who love me. And if he wants to step up to the plate he can, if not then at least I'm already moving forward.
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post #9 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm leaving him

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I think you are terribly lonely. That is your real problem all the other stuff is just tip of the iceberg stuff. I have repeatedly said it to you, you married a person whose job is going to take up most of his young life.



It's not necessarily over yet, it can be fixed but he hast to fix it, he can't quit his job though so you will still have to deal with it.


It's more than being lonely. He has become a jerk. If we get into an argument he doesn't even come home anymore. He sleeps at the hospital. So I'm literally alone all the time. He hasn't been home to sleep here the last 2 nights. Last night I was having a panic attack because I realized our marriage is over, I couldn't breath I was crying so hard. I called him at 11pm and he ignored me call. I texted him and begged him to talk to me, told him I was crying so hard. He said no, we will talk tomorrow. That's when it really hit me. This is such an emotionally abusive marriage.
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post #10 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:15 AM
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Re: I'm leaving him

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It's more than being lonely. He has become a jerk. If we get into an argument he doesn't even come home anymore. He sleeps at the hospital. So I'm literally alone all the time. He hasn't been home to sleep here the last 2 nights. Last night I was having a panic attack because I realized our marriage is over, I couldn't breath I was crying so hard. I called him at 11pm and he ignored me call. I texted him and begged him to talk to me, told him I was crying so hard. He said no, we will talk tomorrow. That's when it really hit me. This is such an emotionally abusive marriage.
Not coming home is a very bad sign. Are you sure there isn't something else going on, it fits the pattern.

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post #11 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:15 AM
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Re: I'm leaving him

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15 years done the drain.
This is a counterproductive view of failed relationships, IMO. Most relationships are important learning experiences and opportunities for personal development. Don't overlook that!

Money is a great lubricant for social intercourse... Money is a terrible lubricant for sexual intercourse!
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post #12 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm leaving him

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Not coming home is a very bad sign. Are you sure there isn't something else going on, it fits the pattern.


Who knows.
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post #13 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:25 AM
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Re: I'm leaving him

I know this is so hard but you have to take care of you. Him blaming you is what a passive aggressive narcissist does. It's never their fault. As my IC told me, "do not let what he says or does define you". You are better than that and consider the past 15 years a learning and life experience. I am very sorry but a few months from now, you're going to be glad you followed through. Until he becomes self-aware, he will repeat this pattern. You however do not have to.

Sending (((hugs))) and thinking of you.
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post #14 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 12:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm leaving him

Now he's saying let's have a baby it will help us.
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post #15 of 53 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 12:20 PM
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Re: I'm leaving him

No, no, no, no. He is manipulating you and telling you what you want to hear. PLEASE just follow through with this. The only way you can save your marriage may be to lose it. Do not believe him.
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