01-11-2012, 07:38 PM
Join Date: Jan 2012
| | Re: Mostly venting
There are somethings that can be learned to do sort of like a habit, with practice... such as a process in which it is desired to do something. I believe you cant change over night, even if you want to and beable to hold it up for any given time. I believe that your fears are justified that she will not stay that way too long.
My husband would try every couple years with an offer to do something like the gutters and I agree knowing that it means I have to pressure wash the house flush the gutters and down spouts and have twice as much clean up and he left the ladder out. Followed with with my praise and his complaints for years.... even though I do it 4 times a year (not thinking he realizes how much work a house kids and yard requires...) I too have resentment
For you to watch her doing something that you have taken pride in is not just degrading because it was your thing but also holds hurt that she could have just tried a little harder over the years since she is indeed able to do it! I would say have a talk to her and set roles in the house, and explain that you are thankful for her trying to be the perfect wife...
but explain that you desire more the perfect marriage in which you do things with pride for her and she does the same for you... that you are one and where you end she begins to be the perfect couple!!!
Other wise she will get tired and quickly resent her hard work despite the positive feed back, and loving gestures you do!
The other half is when she does get tired if you are unable to find balance... you will have to ask your self, is what I have unconditional love... loving her for who she is and what she is about? If not you may have to love with out expectation, for if you expect nothing you will not be disappointed when you get nothing in return.
If that is what you do either two things will happen... either she will notice what you do and all you have done and try because of what you are to her, or you will have to come to terms with the way you have grown apart and agree to divorce...
Good luck to you dear!