24 plus years and I am ready to go - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:14 PM
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

She may have been cheating all this time, maybe not. Yet like you say, it is a moot issue.

You have listed all the other crappy things she has done...it is a long list. Essentially, she has not been present in your family's life for the past ten years. She hasn't been a mother to your daughters. She hasn't been a wife to you. I don't understand what you think you owe her by continuing this farce one more day?

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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

I have made the decision to leave and I am not remotely interested in working it out. I was surprised on her reaction and now I need to think it thru on how to handle it. I don't really care if she likes it or not, but I want to cause minimal issues so my kids are not affected. Also, I don't want this to be a nasty divorce that ends up being drug thru the courts for months. We would be married 25 years in January coming up. I won't it to be done and final by then and I don't want to hit that "important" marker with her.
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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

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Originally Posted by chillymorn69 View Post
1) she was cheating
2) she got it out of her system now shes back to plan B
3)you don't want to make any quick decisions? time stands still for no one. time to **** or get off the pot.
4) she hasn't cared about you or your girls for years. moms don't go out drinking with their (friends) lol almost every night.
5) kick her to the curb and don't feel bad about it.

good luck

I don't want any quick decisions on things besides the divorce. No rebounds relationships or any other drama. I have a list full of other things I am going to do.
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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

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Originally Posted by Moving-on View Post
I'm so sorry you are here. I began going through a similar situation 2 years ago (my husband was 39). The closer my husband got to 40, the more he began neglecting the family and partying. It got to the point that he began lying to me about having out of town business trips...actually he was partying and staying in hotel rooms overnight. I hate to say this because divorce is not something I'm an advocate of, but you can't continue to live a "half life." Good Luck to you.
Thanks. I use to say I hit 40 so I thought it was me that was supposed to me going thru the midlife crisis.
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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:34 PM
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

One minor point, why do you have to leave? You are the injured party. The kids are on your side, at least that is the impression I have gotten. Should she not be the one to be made to leave? You say that you are living close to her family? Good, let her go to them and bless them with her drunk life.

In any event sir, let us know what is happening. You were heard.
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post #21 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:00 PM
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

Well given her attitude the divorce likely will be nasty, so buckle up and be prepared.
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post #22 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:16 PM
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

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We would be married 25 years in January coming up.
Not true. Maybe factuL, but not true. It takes two people to be married. She was separated long ago.

What choice did she give you in any of this? Were you willing to go to the grave with her before she started feeling this way? Don't give her the easy way out. You are already closer to your daughters. Hell, they probably already know. You own nothing to her since she felt the same about owing you nothing.
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post #23 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:21 PM
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

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First of all thanks for the replies.

When it first started I did not worry about her cheating. I trusted her 100%, but after a while I became suspicious and I checked around. I could not find anything and some of the friends she was out with I knew and they never said anything. At a certain point I remembered what I always said to myself. If I have to worry about the other person cheating then I was in the wrong relationship. That was when I said that I had enough. At this point I don't care.

I guess I was surprised when she started talking about our future. At one point we talked about everything and she even said that were so close to our daughters being out of high school that it would be better to go ahead and finish it out. I thought this was going to be a clean walk away and that one caught me by surprise.

I am not interested in dating right now. i think I want to take a year and just relax. Years ago I moved away from my family and friends and close to hers. I might move back. I don't want to make an quick decisions for a while.
Same here - my marriage is an even bigger sham than yours - and mine talks about our future - when our son has left home etc - she talks like we've got a happy marriage! And what we'll be doing in 30 years etc. And I live in a household where if I go to the toilet twice in 30 minutes it will be noticed and I'll be told I'm a failure in my business cause I cant stay away from the toilet. I'm also not allowed to make toilet stops on a long car journey unless she wants to go. Yes my friend - that tells you what a wonderful marriage I have. I'm really looking forward to spending my twilight years in this household.

In your case - you evidently have a dead marriage - and she is talking about the long term future. Unbelievable isnt it that she imagines you would want to spend your middle and old age with her. She obviously has no powers of perception beyond her own needs.

You stayed for the kids - seems a lot on this forum do that - me included. You are nearly there though - just hang in a bit longer.
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post #24 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 03:26 PM
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

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Originally Posted by Username anonymous View Post
I have made the decision to leave and I am not remotely interested in working it out. I was surprised on her reaction and now I need to think it thru on how to handle it. I don't really care if she likes it or not, but I want to cause minimal issues so my kids are not affected. Also, I don't want this to be a nasty divorce that ends up being drug thru the courts for months. We would be married 25 years in January coming up. I won't it to be done and final by then and I don't want to hit that "important" marker with her.
Congratulations. Contrats for not waiting. I too couldn't go through another anniversary living a lie.
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post #25 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 03:53 PM
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

OP, don't stay for the kids. The reality is that kids are tough. You suffered as a kid by the poor decisions your parents made, don't visit that upon your children by making poor decisions your self. Your children will get a far more positive lesson when they see their father taking positive action in divorcing this shrew of an abusive woman, then they ever would in seeing you "tough it out" by sticking around just for them.


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post #26 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 07:51 PM
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Re: 24 plus years and I am ready to go

The kids are probably wondering why you torture yourself so much.

You should have gotten out years ago, and made a better example for them by finding some semblance of happiness instead of living miserably.

The past is the past. Go. Sell the house and get out. The kids wish you a better life. They care about you. You should try caring about you.
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