We have been married for 20 years and have a 12 y.o. together. We have been through many things together, like any couple I guess. In our marriage I am the one who leads and he is a follower. This is how we are and I think it suited us both. I think that during all these years my emotional needs were not met, at least a big part of them. He is a nice guy, a very good father, but when it comes to be a husband, a man who shows love through his actions, this is where he fails.
The advice which is often given is to communicate. In my case, I really did everything possible. I did communicate my needs. I even gave examples of what I would like him to do. And it was not that demanding, believe me. In the past he said he will but he didn’t. Lately he would only react with frustration and eye rolling attitude “Here we go again, I am so fed up”
Things are pretty good when I am fine and I do it the way he likes “nice and easy”, but when something happens to me and I need an emotional support he is distant. Also, when he does something which hurts me and I am trying to communicate, he shuts down and avoid the conversation.
It has been this way all our life together: if I don’t express any need and being strong, amazing, energetic and joyful, then everything is fairly good. As soon as I express a disagreement or want to bring a serious conversation, this does not work.
Also, most of the time he is apathetic and lacking energy, ideas and motivation. Our vacation, our plans, our project – it is all my part. And it’s true I am doing it with joy. But I also sometimes need to be taken care of. To be listen, understood.
He cut me off every time I am trying to communicate all this to him. A counseling is not an option, he hates it and he think “nobody would know better than him what he needs to do”.
I have been thinking about divorcing him once in a while for the pas 10-12 years. With the 6-9 months periodicity, but could never take a serious step. After this little crisis, everything would get back to normal. But lately more and more I have this constant background feeling of not being valued and cherished and that sucks energy and joy out of me.
So here I am again with my eternal question: to call it quit or not.
I will be very grateful for your input and feedback.
The advice which is often given is to communicate. In my case, I really did everything possible. I did communicate my needs. I even gave examples of what I would like him to do. And it was not that demanding, believe me. In the past he said he will but he didn’t. Lately he would only react with frustration and eye rolling attitude “Here we go again, I am so fed up”
Things are pretty good when I am fine and I do it the way he likes “nice and easy”, but when something happens to me and I need an emotional support he is distant. Also, when he does something which hurts me and I am trying to communicate, he shuts down and avoid the conversation.
It has been this way all our life together: if I don’t express any need and being strong, amazing, energetic and joyful, then everything is fairly good. As soon as I express a disagreement or want to bring a serious conversation, this does not work.
Also, most of the time he is apathetic and lacking energy, ideas and motivation. Our vacation, our plans, our project – it is all my part. And it’s true I am doing it with joy. But I also sometimes need to be taken care of. To be listen, understood.
He cut me off every time I am trying to communicate all this to him. A counseling is not an option, he hates it and he think “nobody would know better than him what he needs to do”.
I have been thinking about divorcing him once in a while for the pas 10-12 years. With the 6-9 months periodicity, but could never take a serious step. After this little crisis, everything would get back to normal. But lately more and more I have this constant background feeling of not being valued and cherished and that sucks energy and joy out of me.
So here I am again with my eternal question: to call it quit or not.
I will be very grateful for your input and feedback.