01-19-2012, 09:42 PM
Join Date: Jan 2012
| | Is this marriage worth saving?
I have been married to my husband for seven years, this is my second marriage and his first and lately things have gotten worse than normal. For one, every time that I make him mad, i.e not keeping the house cleaned-up, doing things the wrong way, not his way. He blows up and tells me to get out, or I have so many days to get out of the house. I used to just let it pass and move on, but it has gotten more frequent.
I have a daughter from my first marriage who is 11. He, my husband, basically does not want a thing to do with her. She has some issues with lying and taking things and hiding them in her room, granted that she is not allowed to do much when she is with me. She is not allowed to play with her two siblings because my husband says that she is a bad influence on them and he doesn't want his kids turning out like her. She has to go where ever I go, so that she doesn't get into anything. She will ask him a question and he will either ignore her or give a short answer. She has told me on more than one occasion that she doesn't feel like she should be here. I have to constantly be on her case about everything. I have to make sure that she puts all her things in the proper places, because if something is not where it should be my husband gets upset.
Another issue is my job, I work 24 hours a week in an emergency room as a nurse and I usually go into work in the afternoon and work until midnight or 2am. This way it alleviates the cost of daycare. My husband wants me either to quit or go to days. If I quit I am at home all day and have no outside contact, I have no friends, because if I want to go out and do something I have to take the kids with me. When he has days off, that is his free time and he doesn't want to watch the kids. When I get off of work, I usually go home an sleep for a few hours and then my husband gets up at 4:30 and I have to get up and make his lunch for work. Then I lay back down for another hour and a half and then my daughter has to get up and ready for school, then I have to take my son to school, who is 6. Then I have my 2 yr old with me.
I have tired of having to do what he wants me to do, I am tired of him telling me to get out every time I screw up. I know that I am not perfect, but I am so afraid that I am going to do something to make him mad. When I am at work I will get text messages from him and if I don't answer them right away then I get nasty text messages that tell me that I need to quit my job. Furthermore when I go to work he will no longer watch my daughter from my first marriage, I have had to ask her dad if he will keep her on the days that I work. I have come to the point that I don't tell him things or lie about things that I know will upset him so that I don't make him mad.
I am tired of all this and I have voiced my opinion of this to him. He still claims that he loves me so much and he wants to make this work. I don't love him like I used to anymore, I am tired of the fighting and lying and being afraid to do anything. He now wants me to go to marriage counseling to save our marriage. I am not sure if I want it to be saved. I am short with my kids because I don't want them to misbehave for fear that I will get in trouble. I don't know what to do anymore, and this isn't even all of it. Am I just supposed to keep forgetting everything and keep on going? Any advice?