It is VERY likely you would not be able to bring the children out of the UK if he objected. Having kids with him would leave you trapped and alone in a foreign country with no family and with an abusive husband.
Please, tell us one reason why you should give him another chance? he had plenty of chances already, and he failed each time. You do not love him; you are only considering going back for other reasons--like family pride, uncertain religious beliefs. Know that God wants you to be safe and happy, and you ask His forgiveness if you make a very human error--but no one would think this is an error. Keeping yourself happy and safe, and preventing the birth of children whose lives would be spent watching their mother suffer is a NOT a sin. You are young enough to find someone who will love you and cherish you--yes, CHERISH.
You feel guilty about the emotional connection with the other man, so pray about that, for forgiveness. God does not ask us to sacrifice ourselves for our sins--He asked His Son, so much more perfect than us--to bear that burden so we do not have to. Pray for forgiveness, but do not punish yourself by returning to an uncertain and potentially unsafe future. God will forgive you--He is perfect in that. You must forgive yourself, too. And move forward, not back.
It is VERY likely you would not be able to bring the children out of the UK if he objected. Having kids with him would leave you trapped and alone in a foreign country with no family and with an abusive husband.
Please, tell us one reason why you should give him another chance? he had plenty of chances already, and he failed each time. You do not love him; you are only considering going back for other reasons--like family pride, uncertain religious beliefs. Know that God wants you to be safe and happy, and you ask His forgiveness if you make a very human error--but no one would think this is an error. Keeping yourself happy and safe, and preventing the birth of children whose lives would be spent watching their mother suffer is a NOT a sin. You are young enough to find someone who will love you and cherish you--yes, CHERISH.
You feel guilty about the emotional connection with the other man, so pray about that, for forgiveness. God does not ask us to sacrifice ourselves for our sins--He asked His Son, so much more perfect than us--to bear that burden so we do not have to. Pray for forgiveness, but do not punish yourself by returning to an uncertain and potentially unsafe future. God will forgive you--He is perfect in that. You must forgive yourself, too. And move forward, not back.
Hi,
I am trying my best to find a way where no one gets hurt, but i guess coz he wants to start a family soon, I am very scared... Thank you so much for your response....
Hi Elegirl, Kindly do reply once you read this post. I couldnt sleep last night either.
Losing sleep in rough. What do you have in your life that can distract you? Besides work, what do you have to occupy your self? Find things that occupy your mind and/or relax you. Do those to take your mind off of this huge problem that hangs over your head.
One thing that helps me is to write. I sit at my computer and write out my thoughts.. i don't write by hand since i've use the computer for so long that I'm really not comfortable writing by hand anymore.. sad as that is. But putting my thoughts down is a form of release. I don't even go back and read them most of the time. It's a way to release the angst. Then put the file (or papers if you write on paper) some place and leave your problems for God to take care of. Hand them over to Him. Trust that He will take care of the problems.
And do not change your life until something very strong moves you to. If nothing stronly moves you to go back... then God's hand is not in it.
Are you living in your new home?
How hard would it be for you to initiate a divorce from where you are at?
It is VERY likely you would not be able to bring the children out of the UK if he objected. Having kids with him would leave you trapped and alone in a foreign country with no family and with an abusive husband.
Please, tell us one reason why you should give him another chance? he had plenty of chances already, and he failed each time. You do not love him; you are only considering going back for other reasons--like family pride, uncertain religious beliefs. Know that God wants you to be safe and happy, and you ask His forgiveness if you make a very human error--but no one would think this is an error. Keeping yourself happy and safe, and preventing the birth of children whose lives would be spent watching their mother suffer is a NOT a sin. You are young enough to find someone who will love you and cherish you--yes, CHERISH.
You feel guilty about the emotional connection with the other man, so pray about that, for forgiveness. God does not ask us to sacrifice ourselves for our sins--He asked His Son, so much more perfect than us--to bear that burden so we do not have to. Pray for forgiveness, but do not punish yourself by returning to an uncertain and potentially unsafe future. God will forgive you--He is perfect in that. You must forgive yourself, too. And move forward, not back.
Thank you so much for your help and support. I really need it at this time. There is one more thing that keeps bothring me.
Both my parents are old. What if they pass away without getting to know that I am not settled with my husband and that I didn't go back. If they leave this world just knowing that I still dont have a family. Will they be able to forgive me? (
I keep thinking of that too and feel very sad that if something happens to them, I couldnt make them happy....
Thank you so much for your help and support. I really need it at this time. There is one more thing that keeps bothring me.
Both my parents are old. What if they pass away without getting to know that I am not settled with my husband and that I didn't go back. If they leave this world just knowing that I still dont have a family. Will they be able to forgive me? (
I keep thinking of that too and feel very sad that if something happens to them, I couldnt make them happy....
Amanda,
How old are you? And how old are your parents?
You are not responsible for your parent’s happiness. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness.
While your mother might be pushing you right now to have a child even if you have to endure a life of abuse, when she does pass she will know that this was wrong. I believe that when we pass on to purgatory and then to heaven our souls have much more perfect knowledge and love. She and your father will want you to be safe and happy. And for sure they will want their grandchildren to grow up in a happy and emotionally healthy home. So of course they will be able to forgive you that you waited until you found the right man to have a family with.
But I can see that you are very sweet and wonderful daughter to think so much about your parents and their happiness. But in the end, they will not be happy if you are abused and your children are abused. Plus would they ever even get to see their grandchildren if they live in the UK? That could be a real sadness as well.
This husband of yours is not your last chance at having a family. If anything he has been a hindrance to you having a family. Look what he did, he took your trust and love and treated it like yesterday’s garbage.
While in your culture, arranged marriages are common, the chance you took with him is even more of a risk as you did not know him, his family, etc. It took a lot of courage and blind faith for you to travel to the UK and marry him. And look what he did. I will bet that he felt that he could treat you like that because you had no family around, no one who would stand up for you and help you. Then he further isolated you. This is not a man you want to have a family with.
If you divorce him it opens up the door for you to meet a man who will love, adore and protect you and your children. Isn’t that what you really want?
One of my philosophies in life is to open up opportunities… as many as possible. And then you have a choice of many options and you can pick the best one. You have a lot going for you. You are young; educated; can earn a good living; own your own home. There are a lot of men who prize such a woman. Value yourself enough to know that you deserve the best.
What are the ways young women in India meet potential husbands? Share with me how you would go about it.
I really feel for what you are going through now. I wish that everyone in this world could have the chance to have a lasting and loving marriage/relationship. It looks to me like you have mentioned all the reasons to go back as mainly ones out of what you feel is your obligation (to your parents, to God) but I haven't really heard you mention anything about going back because you love him or you think he could give you a decent future. Am I right??
Whatever decision you make it could be a rough road ahead, just remember that. You just need to think abt what is MORE important to you---fulfilling an obligation or having a chance at being with someone who you actually like and who at least, will treat you well.
Amanda,
How old are you? And how old are your parents?
You are not responsible for your parent’s happiness. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness.
While your mother might be pushing you right now to have a child even if you have to endure a life of abuse, when she does pass she will know that this was wrong. I believe that when we pass on to purgatory and then to heaven our souls have much more perfect knowledge and love. She and your father will want you to be safe and happy. And for sure they will want their grandchildren to grow up in a happy and emotionally healthy home. So of course they will be able to forgive you that you waited until you found the right man to have a family with.
But I can see that you are very sweet and wonderful daughter to think so much about your parents and their happiness. But in the end, they will not be happy if you are abused and your children are abused. Plus would they ever even get to see their grandchildren if they live in the UK? That could be a real sadness as well.
This husband of yours is not your last chance at having a family. If anything he has been a hindrance to you having a family. Look what he did, he took your trust and love and treated it like yesterday’s garbage.
While in your culture, arranged marriages are common, the chance you took with him is even more of a risk as you did not know him, his family, etc. It took a lot of courage and blind faith for you to travel to the UK and marry him. And look what he did. I will bet that he felt that he could treat you like that because you had no family around, no one who would stand up for you and help you. Then he further isolated you. This is not a man you want to have a family with.
If you divorce him it opens up the door for you to meet a man who will love, adore and protect you and your children. Isn’t that what you really want?
One of my philosophies in life is to open up opportunities… as many as possible. And then you have a choice of many options and you can pick the best one. You have a lot going for you. You are young; educated; can earn a good living; own your own home. There are a lot of men who prize such a woman. Value yourself enough to know that you deserve the best.
What are the ways young women in India meet potential husbands? Share with me how you would go about it.
You take care and get some sleep tonight.
Hi Elegirl,
Its so comforting to read your advice. I know what you mean. I am happy that there is someone who thinks about me, not my parents, not my husband . It feels so good. I am 34... my parents are 63.
I think I may get a good husband here, however I would no longer be interested in getting married after 2 failed marriages. I just dont want any male to be in my life.
I have a plan though. If I don't go back to my husband, I wouldn't marry, but will adopt a child here whom I can take care of. I will be at peace that way.
Yes, I did get some sleep tonite. I will keep you posted.
I really feel for what you are going through now. I wish that everyone in this world could have the chance to have a lasting and loving marriage/relationship. It looks to me like you have mentioned all the reasons to go back as mainly ones out of what you feel is your obligation (to your parents, to God) but I haven't really heard you mention anything about going back because you love him or you think he could give you a decent future. Am I right??
Whatever decision you make it could be a rough road ahead, just remember that. You just need to think abt what is MORE important to you---fulfilling an obligation or having a chance at being with someone who you actually like and who at least, will treat you well.
I wish you all the best!!!
Hi Lizlolly,
Many thanks for your support and advice. Things are getting clear to me, slowly and steadily.
I surely dont want to go back to him... I will keep you posted.
Your parents are my age. That does not seem so old from my point of view. And you? You are young.
I married my ex-husband when I was 35. About a year later I gave birth to still-born twins. There were a lot of complications to that pregnancy and I could not have children after that. A few years later, when I was 40, we adopted a baby boy. He was 10 days old. If you do decide to adopt, it’s very good way to go. Just find out as much as you can about the baby’s parents so that you know that the baby is truly healthy.
From my experience, the attachment and love for an adopted child is the same as for a child you give birth to. This is especially true when you adopt an infant. We adopted through Catholic Social Services. Surely they have the adoption services there in India as well.
Today my son is 22 years old. He still lives here at home since he’s attending the university. He’s almost a senior, working on a degree in physics and engineering. He is tall, handsome, caring and very intelligent. I feel blessed for having him in my life.
I can understand your feelings about not having a man in your life… they can be so complicated. At some point you might change your mind if you choose. But sometimes taking the time for ourselves is so important.
Glad to hear you got some sleep.
This week my work it taking so much overtime. It seems that everything goes crazy there at one time. I have a major audit, have to travel to California next week to meet with customers who want their hands held so I have a huge presentation I’m working on .. and then there is the normal work.
I am so privileged to get advice from someone who is of my parent's age and experienced. And I am also glad to know that you too have adopted a son. Its great to know that he is doing well in his studies.
I have got some more courage today. I can understand you must be having busy life. However, its amazing how you take time to reply to us here. You are great! And I am thankful to god that i met you on this site.
Good to hear that you are feeling courage today. Life does take courage, a lot sometimes.
I enjoy posting to here. Posting here helps me to focus on things in my own life that I need to take care of.. I guess it gives me courage as well. I have a tendency to just stay busy with work and other things. That way I can ignore bigger problems in my personal life. But since posting here I'm looking move into myself and at how I can make myself a better person; and how I can solve some problems.
Good to hear that you are feeling courage today. Life does take courage, a lot sometimes.
I enjoy posting to here. Posting here helps me to focus on things in my own life that I need to take care of.. I guess it gives me courage as well. I have a tendency to just stay busy with work and other things. That way I can ignore bigger problems in my personal life. But since posting here I'm looking move into myself and at how I can make myself a better person; and how I can solve some problems.
Hope you are well. He called me today again and tried convincing me again with his sweet words. I told him i am still not convinced and that I havent decided anything. To which he reacted very sadly.
But I had to do it as i dont trust him anymore .... Did i do anything wrong?
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Re: Should I go back? Please help! 
At some point you might change your mind if you choose. But sometimes taking the time for ourselves is so important. 
