Hi Elegirl,
I was truthful to him. But I was feeling bad that now he tries to be very good to me, but i dont feel anything for him...
Amanda
It seems to me that you care very much for others, even your husband who did not treat you well. That's a very good trait in a person. You are loving and caring. Sometimes people who care a lot for others put themselves last. You seem to be learning to put yourself first. It's an important thing to learn. That's a good thing.
You don't feel anything for him because he killed the love you had. You cannot force those feeling to come back. It is what it is.
Yes, thats right. I am sorry, I dont even understand my feelings anymore. I have suppressed my feelings so much, that its difficult for me to understand what I want. But I know now. I am learning to put myself first. Yes, thats what it is Thank you so much! Will keep you posted.
Yes, thats right. I am sorry, I dont even understand my feelings anymore. I have suppressed my feelings so much, that its difficult for me to understand what I want. But I know now. I am learning to put myself first. Yes, thats what it is Thank you so much! Will keep you posted.
In a lot of traditional cultures, women are taught to put their own needs and feelings last. This way women dedicate themselves to their husband and children. All the while their husband goes out and has a life outside the family with a career, male friends he does things with like sports, etc.
This is the mold that women like you are breaking in your culture. For me, it was my generation that was brought up to be different.
My mother had a college degree. She was a concert pianist and an opera singer with a contract at the NY Metropolitan opera. But when she married my father, she did what was expected of her. She quit her contract and stopped her music career. She stayed home, had 8 children and raised us. I think that while she loved us all, she regretted losing her music career.
In my family I have 3 brothers and 4 sisters. My parents raised all of their daughters to first be able to take care of themselves. As my father said, he never wanted to see any of his daughters have to live with an abusive man because she had no other means of support.
Its so inspirational to hear about you. I understand what you are saying. I just wanted to let you know, that with your and everyone' s support here at the forum, i am feeling much better and stronger. I will like to read more from you. Thank you! I will keep you posted and I hope you do the same....
I wanted to add to my previous post that he did call up again. And this time he said that he doesnt have anyone else as a family except for me.
He doesnt have parents. And he has previously fought with his brothers regarding property disputes. Now, he says that if i leave him, he will have no one to take care of him. I did tell him that it doesnt always matter how he feels, it also matters how i feel.
I wanted to add to my previous post that he did call up again. And this time he said that he doesnt have anyone else as a family except for me.
He doesnt have parents. And he has previously fought with his brothers regarding property disputes. Now, he says that if i leave him, he will have no one to take care of him. I did tell him that it doesnt always matter how he feels, it also matters how i feel.
I didnt know what else to say
Hi Amanda,
You are right that it does not only matter how he feels. What you feel and need is important. What did he say when you told him that?
Look at what he is saying. He wants someone to take care of him. Did he say that he loves you and wants to take care of you? Or is it all about him?
He has fought with his brothers over land. Maybe he needs to make peace with his brothers. He has no close friends? Why not? I'll bet it's because he chases people away.
Your are a lot more than a care taker. You deserve so much more.
You are right that it does not only matter how he feels. What you feel and need is important. What did he say when you told him that?
Look at what he is saying. He wants someone to take care of him. Did he say that he loves you and wants to take care of you? Or is it all about him?
He has fought with his brothers over land. Maybe he needs to make peace with his brothers. He has no close friends? Why not? I'll bet it's because he chases people away.
Your are a lot more than a care taker. You deserve so much more.
Hi Elegirl,
He does say that many a times now that he will love me and take care of me. He talks so good nowadays.
But I still cannot feel anything for him, and I do not trust him either, how much ever he tries to be good.
I am rude to him sometimes, which i was never before. But I think thats okay.
Are you being rude? Or are you being firm about what you feel? It's quite alright for you to be firm and tell him that you do not feel anthing for him except distrust.
Do you have caller ID so you can see if he is calling? Perhaps you can just not answer when he calls. If the calls are causing you stress then that's a good way to handle it.
Does hearing his voice upset you?
Maybe limit communications with him to email? That way you can process what he says, only answer when you want.
Yes I do have a caller id. I think I should not take more of his calls. It will be easier for me to decide that way...
I am sorry, I just keep needing reassurance from you that its okay to do what i want. And not feel guilty all the time.
I want to live my life now. Even if he has got better than before, i still dont feel like going and am not sure about him.
I just need a re-assurance that I am not doing anything wrong. My heart is broken, and I am so tired. Why is he talking good now, when I am already shattered and do not feel anything for him?
I just have so much of resentment in me for him. He has also disrespected my parents bcoz he himself doesnt have a family.
Now, I dont feel anything for him anymore. I can only have sympathy, nothing else....
Am I doing anything wrong here? I just need reassurance.
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Re: Should I go back? Please help! 
Thank you so much! 
