We had our meeting yesterday afternoon (sunday).
It went fairly well and I was pretty amazed how un-emotional I was (or played it off as).
He asked where we go from this point, and I told him his walking out, pretty much told me he was done, so why was he asking me now? I said he obviously had a plan and ran with it, so...what was there to talk about now.
He said - He didn't know how to deal with his realization of some of his mess ups and how some of his actions/lack of actions, had gotten us to this point of unhappiness. He admitted he panicked and ran, saying his emotions overtook him and he didn't want me to see him so vulnerable.
It was about 6 hrs of talking and I think he was a little shocked that I wasn't my usual crumbling mess of tears. I resisted saying things like "you hurt me", and made him answer some tough questions.
In the end, he said he wanted to make it work (which is what always happens). I knew he wanted me to say "me too"....blah, blah, but I didn't.
I told him that it wasn't just a matter of working on the relationship, but the fact that he "left me...again"...added some resentment, loss of trust, etc.
I told him I didn't think he would be capable to doing the work that would be necessary to begin to rebuild trust, on top of the relationship work. I told him I didn't know what exactly would change my feelings (and I really don't know if there is anything).
He said he might look into some counseling for himself. Shocked me.
He said he will do what it takes, IF I could promise it would work. I told him I could NOT guarantee that. He left saying he gets how I feel, and he would be upset, if our daughters' hubby, did the same to her (walk out, come back, walk out...).
I told him I wanted him to really think if he could handle coming back, cuz it isn't going to be instant sunshine and rainbows.
He called and invited me to dinner 2morrow night, like a date.
We will see what happens....
I love to think it can all be saved, he will change, he now sees the light, etc...but I am skeptical and this time I made sure he knows he caused that feeling.
I can say I felt like I was the one in control.
He also said my lack of interest (the 180) scared him, so I guess backing off, does help things.