is it wrong to say either stay married or divorce

is it me? · 10-25-2007, 11:21 AM

Is it wrong to tell your mate that you cannot do a seperation, that it's either we work things out or we divorce if we cannot seem to work it out? I have a horrible wondering mind, trust issues, etc. I was cheated on in my first marriage so I dont think I could handle a seperation because if we did get back together my mind would be so warped into thinking "who was she with while we werent together", "did she become promiscuous and sleep with several people" and "does she still think of those other people and still have contact with these other men"

I know I think way to much, but am I the only one?

draconis · 10-25-2007, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by is it me?

Is it wrong to tell your mate that you cannot do a seperation, that it's either we work things out or we divorce if we cannot seem to work it out? I have a horrible wondering mind, trust issues, etc. I was cheated on in my first marriage so I dont think I could handle a seperation because if we did get back together my mind would be so warped into thinking "who was she with while we werent together", "did she become promiscuous and sleep with several people" and "does she still think of those other people and still have contact with these other men"

I know I think way to much, but am I the only one?

No with my first wife I thought if I could fix the wrongs, since I couldn't I decided to divorce. To me the seperation was the time I waited for the finalization of the divorce.

draconis

evenow · 10-25-2007, 12:53 PM

Quote:

To me the seperation was the time I waited for the finalization of the divorce.

This isn't necessarily how all relationships work, but I would separation as the time waiting for the inevitable divorce.

I do think in your case it sounds like trust is a big issue that maybe carries into the relationship while you're together. Do you have these feelings now?

draconis · 10-25-2007, 01:22 PM

I have a great relationship now going on ten years of marriage. If we were to split it would end things. I know it seems so black and white but I don't like the gray of seperation and it brings so many issues. If you sleep with someone during that time is it cheating? etc....

draconis

SageMother · 10-28-2007, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by is it me?

Is it wrong to tell your mate that you cannot do a seperation, that it's either we work things out or we divorce if we cannot seem to work it out? I have a horrible wondering mind, trust issues, etc. I was cheated on in my first marriage so I dont think I could handle a seperation because if we did get back together my mind would be so warped into thinking "who was she with while we weren't together", "did she become promiscuous and sleep with several people" and "does she still think of those other people and still have contact with these other men"

I know I think way to much, but am I the only one?

I am totally behind the be "be married or divorce" stance. If things can be worked out, they should be done while both parties are still in the household. The only period that should be classified as separation is when you are living apart, building new lives, and the divorce isn't final yet.

is it me? · 10-29-2007, 12:43 PM

glad I am not alone on this question. My mind could not handle the thoughts that would run through my head if we separated then got back together. I would always be wondering what happened during that time of separation. And was to dare ask and get complete honesty from my bride, I probably could not handle the truth if she said she had been with someone else. And if she said she hadnt, I would still wonder and just think she was telling me that so I would not leave for good.

kajira · 10-29-2007, 12:46 PM

Hang in there!!! One way or another things have to get better right???

riskey58 · 12-02-2007, 10:54 AM

I believe that devoice is much to easy for people. I think you should try to work it out. Then if it doesn't seem that it is going anywhere you take it from there.