Hi ya'll, I'm new here, been reading for a while and thought I'd type up my situation, in hopes that others could give me some thoughts or advice.
I've been married to my wife for 17 years, together for 21. I am 39, she is 37. High-school sweethearts, the whole bit. She has been depressed for well over a decade. It took her years to not only admit she had a problem, but to seek help. Medications didn't really help, and she cycled through quite a few of them before finally getting off them completely and just using a combo of therapy and exercise to treat herself, which is for the most part successful.
The problem is this: Even though she's better now, I'm not. The years and years of little to no physical contact, the endless days of her just laying around the house depressed, have basically just driven me away from her to the point that I'm not sure I even want to be with her anymore.
I still care for her as a person, and even love her, but I simply do not have the same "in love" feeling that I did before. She's great to me, and we even have a sex life now, but it just feels like I'm completely checked out due to her past depression. I'm not sure if it's simply that I'm subconsciously afraid of her getting depressed again or that I'm simply not in love with her anymore.
I've been feeling this way for at least 2 years now, and I think I've finally reached the end of my trying to make things work. I realize we're never going to feel like newlyweds again, and that isn't what I'm referring to. I simply don't possess the feeling that a husband should have, in my opinion, towards his wife. There's no simpler way to put it.
My wife is well aware of the way I feel, and we've been patiently working on it for the last 2 years or so. We've been to counseling multiple times, which has helped somewhat, in that we have "date nights", we endeavor to do things together, and have really, really tried hard to make a solid connection again. But it's all been for naught, on my end at least. I feel totally disassociated from her, and struggle to even find her attractive anymore, even though physically she is smoking hot (in my humble opinion!), but without that emotional connection, I've reached a point where being intimate with her just isn't interesting to me.
The big problem is that if I do leave, it will devastate her badly, and I'm afraid that it'll drive her into depression again. We are both in a sound financial situation, have no kids, so there's nothing stopping me from leaving and us both being fine, from a life standard point of view, but the emotional toll is something I can't ignore.
Please, give me some thoughts, I'd like to hear them. And thanks for reading!
I've been married to my wife for 17 years, together for 21. I am 39, she is 37. High-school sweethearts, the whole bit. She has been depressed for well over a decade. It took her years to not only admit she had a problem, but to seek help. Medications didn't really help, and she cycled through quite a few of them before finally getting off them completely and just using a combo of therapy and exercise to treat herself, which is for the most part successful.
The problem is this: Even though she's better now, I'm not. The years and years of little to no physical contact, the endless days of her just laying around the house depressed, have basically just driven me away from her to the point that I'm not sure I even want to be with her anymore.
I still care for her as a person, and even love her, but I simply do not have the same "in love" feeling that I did before. She's great to me, and we even have a sex life now, but it just feels like I'm completely checked out due to her past depression. I'm not sure if it's simply that I'm subconsciously afraid of her getting depressed again or that I'm simply not in love with her anymore.
I've been feeling this way for at least 2 years now, and I think I've finally reached the end of my trying to make things work. I realize we're never going to feel like newlyweds again, and that isn't what I'm referring to. I simply don't possess the feeling that a husband should have, in my opinion, towards his wife. There's no simpler way to put it.
My wife is well aware of the way I feel, and we've been patiently working on it for the last 2 years or so. We've been to counseling multiple times, which has helped somewhat, in that we have "date nights", we endeavor to do things together, and have really, really tried hard to make a solid connection again. But it's all been for naught, on my end at least. I feel totally disassociated from her, and struggle to even find her attractive anymore, even though physically she is smoking hot (in my humble opinion!), but without that emotional connection, I've reached a point where being intimate with her just isn't interesting to me.
The big problem is that if I do leave, it will devastate her badly, and I'm afraid that it'll drive her into depression again. We are both in a sound financial situation, have no kids, so there's nothing stopping me from leaving and us both being fine, from a life standard point of view, but the emotional toll is something I can't ignore.
Please, give me some thoughts, I'd like to hear them. And thanks for reading!