Please help; I want to save my marriage

jonichan · 02-01-2009, 08:53 PM

My husband of six years has just ended our marriage, saying that he doesnt love me anymore and the decision is final; nothing I do or say will make a difference. I have treated him badly over a couple of years in some ways, working hard, not giving him enough shared time and attention but I have always loved him and want to save my marriage. We have a 7 year old daughter. this happened a month ago but he originally agreed to some space to see what was possible. things have blown up in he last few days and now he doesn't want to be anywhere near me. I am heatbroken and want to know; is there any way that men change their positions after so much resolve?

jaclynnbaker · 02-01-2009, 09:24 PM

If you are SERIOUS about saving your marriage, you know there is not already another woman (because obviously that would mean you are competeing with someone new) and you think that he would consider giving you another chance, then I have some really good suggestions for you. It will be alot of work, and you may be skeptical, but I can assure you this will work. There is a book called Facinating Womanhood. It is not just a book, it is a movement. This book was written years ago, but has been updated with new success stories and insight. The author is still living and answers questions on her website herself. She is well in her years now, but her advice and insight into the mans mind and what if takes to have a successful marriage are timeless truths. I would suggest you getting this book, checking out the website and LIVING this concept would definately cause your husband to fall in love with you again. If you have any specific questions about the book or if you would like for me to email you the intro to the book I would love to. Let me know! Good luck honey, I hope you can save your marriage.

jonichan · 02-02-2009, 12:18 AM

Thank you for your reply; it means a lot. I am TRULY SERIOUS about saving this and I would love to find out more about this and to get the book. There is no other woman I am sure of that. But it seems that at the moment there is no CHANCE that he will give me to look at ANY possibility. He is resolved and immovable. But I am praying and I believe and hear of miracles everyday. Can you reply back with the intro and website details.

MrsVain · 02-02-2009, 12:36 AM

hope you dont mind my asking but what happened that finalized his mind. you mentioned that he was willing for some space and time, and said things have blown up. what was it that blew up.

i appauld your effort in trying to save your marriage. and i wish you the best of luck, maybe giving him some space and time is just what he needs to rethink and revamp his way of thinking.

i am sorry but it was more then just working hard and not spending time with him. is it possible while you were busy working he found someone else? if you dont know by now, i dont suggest asking him at this time since he seems to be looking for a reason to dump you and it might come off as accusing. you might try to find out some other way, asking around discretely or something. what are his reasons for wanting to end the marriage?

has he moved out already? that would make it harder. but maybe by just talking (not about the relationship but other things you know he likes) and by just being nice and available might be all he needs. schedule time to do something with the child, like going to the park. and not pressuring him into being with you, just be there. dont talk about the marriage, talk about the child or his job, or his day or whatever. again, it is hard not to come off as interigating him or accusing, but you will have to work hard now that he has made up his mind. bring back the woman he fell in love with, and he might fall back in love with her. i am not saying ignore your own needs but without know the reasons he wants it to end, it is a simple suggestion.

jonichan · 02-02-2009, 12:50 AM

He left last night. I am unsure whether he will be back or not as things seem so unclear. I have spent the last month trying to be positive but we went to a wedding last Friday together and it was too much for me. All of the rejection that I have felt in the last month came out. We then had a bad incident in front of our daughter, which was unforgivable on both our parts yet he is solely blaming me for it and it was from this incident that he decided not to be anywhere near me, which includes in the house with our daughter. I have struggled with the fact that he agreed to space but I felt all along that he had truly made up his mind so while I was trying to stay positive I was being worn down. He is refusing to talk with me and I have to say that i feel I cant see him or speak to him out of self protection of my own heart. I have my sister in law staying with me until the end of the week to help me and my Mum is flying from Australia to be with me then

raising5boyz · 02-02-2009, 12:52 AM

How is it that you are so sure there isn't another woman? Take it from me...men can be VERY good at hiding the truth. What led up to him wanting to end the marriage? These things do not happen out of the blue for no reason...and the few things you stated doesn't sound like adequate reasons to end the marriage unless he was asking you to change/fix things for months and you didn't put forth the effort needed. Tell us more.

jonichan · 02-02-2009, 01:04 AM

He was asking me to change for months and months and I was trying as hard as I could to instigate change slowly but surely. but he has lost faith in me and does not believe anything will change. He says that I have emotionally damaged him and cut a deep groove and he cannot go back, that I have stamped out his love for me and it has died. I have instigated great change since beginning of Jan and he accuses me of not being real and being fake by my actions. While I cant be 100% sure there is not another woman I think that I believe him when he has denied it.

raising5boyz · 02-02-2009, 03:50 AM

Can you be more specific with the problems and the changes he was asking for? The more you can tell us, the more we can try to help you. Be open and honest. We are all here for help and support...tell us more.

jaclynnbaker · 02-02-2009, 08:41 PM

I am so sorry to have left you hanging. The website is Marriage, the Fascinating Way, By Helen Andelin There is not alot of info on the website, but there is some info on upcoming online classes you can take (very affordable at $35 I think), past questions addressed to Mrs. Andelin and answered personally by her. It is TRUELY amazing to me, as I have used this system and it worked. The only thing that went wrong with it, is I stopped practicing the ideas. I will post the intro and some key points. I love typing and have time on my hands to type out the first few chapters. I will start a new thread entitled Fascinating Womanhood. There I will post a portion of the book everyday. Mrs. Andelin also has books about children, finances, and her husband wrote a book to men. Enjoy honey and God bless. I promise you, this WILL work if you work it (like weight watchers)
Jaclyn