Seriously Considering Divorce (long post)

rem25 · 02-05-2012, 12:31 AM

I feel a bit ashamed to be posting about this but I don't know where else to turn to. Also, I apologize in advance as this will probably seem like a novel.

My wife and I were recently married in September 2011. Our wedding was great and so was our honeymoon. We have a new home and life together. Despite all this, I don't know if I can take much more of it.

We've been together since 2004 when we met in a summer course at the local community college. I was preparing to transfer to a four year and she was taking care of a lab science course. We didn't talk til the end but went on a few dates and started dating before we left for college. We weren't sure if it was going to work or not as neither of us had done long distance relationships before. It ended up working and after she graduated in 2007 she returned home to go to grad school much closer. We got engaged in 2010 and the rest is history.

Throughout our engagement and since we got married, we have had many problems fighting. Some fights were about serious issues while others weren't. I have a bad temper at times and that doesn't help things out. My wife suffers from depression though doesn't do anything about it. She took medication for about 6 months years ago but stopped because the effect wore off and it made her gain lots of weight despite her working out daily. She doesn't believe doctors or psychiatrists/psychologists can help her. She also has developed a temper that didn't exist when we first started dating. In fact, this temper didn't develop until she started working full time a couple years ago. She gets very upset quickly, especially about little things like the computer running slow or something like that. My anger issues have caused me to burst out yelling at her for no reason at times.

Our sex life has been pathetic. We'll have sex maybe once a week if I'm lucky even if things are going alright too. I've talked to her several times that I would like to have sex more often and to try different things too to keep it less boring. She can seem to care less about sex generally. Our sex life used to be really good, but seems to have gone downhill since we moved in together, which was ironic because she said it would get better rather than trying to sneak it in at one of our parent's houses. Even if I just offer to pleasure her, she doesn't want that anymore either.

Another frustrating thing is I try to do things for her, such as giving back rubs and I get nothing in return or anytime I try to ask for something, she gives me grief about it. It feels like pulling teeth sometimes to get her to hug or kiss me though I'm always expected to be there if she's feeling down to comfort her. She says she loves me and cares for me but it doesn't feel like it a lot of the time.

I love my wife though I can't take this stress and unhappiness of not getting any affections in return. I'm far from perfect and though she says she'll try to change, nothing ever happens. I know my lack of patience and anger issues don't help things but I just don't know what to do. I've suggested counseling before but she says we don't need it since newly weds should be blissfully happy with one another.

I know no one can tell me what to do but I need some advice. I appreciate any help someone can give. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

EleGirl · 02-05-2012, 01:14 AM

Well it does seem your marriage is not starting out well. Sometimes that happens. It can take a while to learn to live together.

If she will not go to counceling with you, perhaps you could go to counseling by yourself. The counselor can teach you ways of handling your anger. And perhaps you can in turn teach them to your wife.

The lack of sex is a big issue. Generally when a woman loses interest in sex it's because she does not feel good about the relationship and/or about herself.

I do hope you can talk her into going to counseling with you. But if not, go by yourself.