Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: Should I Divorce?
I will just tell you a true story about my wife's girlfriend who ended up leaving her alcoholic husband. She married a friend of mine who I went fishing with every weekend. I knew he was an alcoholic because he drank beer all day long. Sometimes he would cut short out time on the boat so he could go to the bar without his wife knowing. They separated soon after having a son. Then they got together again so the son could have a father. Her husband swore he would not drink and do drugs again. All seemed fine until one day when she came home to find the house empty. Her husband and son were gone. He was supposed to stay home and baby sit. In fact he was babysitting when she found him at his favorite bar, holding the baby in one arm and drinking with the other. She got divorced. Her 30+ year old son still lives with her. She supports him and he has not learned home to live on his own or any skills that pay enough so he can get his own place. She also was the lover of both me and my wife. When I told her that I loved her, she cried because she had not heard that in a very long time.
My wife's dad was an alcoholic who got violent most times he was drunk. My poor wife grew up taking her of her younger siblings and hiding at her girlfriends house for protection. The same girlfriend as above. As a result of her parents staying together for the sake of the children, my wife lacks self confidence and blames everyone else for her mistakes because her dad would hit her for her mistakes. She still lies to me about what she said to me just a few minutes earlier. After 44 years of marriage there is still fear in her eyes if I look like I do not like what she cooked or said. She is very submissive and leaves to please me. When we first got married and we were at a wedding and the guys were talking about how well their wives treated them, I would call my wife over and ask her to get me a drink and some horderves. She would do so with a smile. Not so funny now. She would ask me if I wanted something to drink if I appeared thirsty. Even to this day and despite multiple attempts to change her, she insists that I chose the movies and what to watch on TV. She has gotten better at our meal choices but not too long ago I had to pick what we ate and if I told her that she could choose she would get mad and ask me why does she have to choose.
Her brother died of a drug overdose and another brother died at 35 due to poor medical care growing up. Her younger brother is an alcoholic. Her sister lives near us and is about 400 lbs or more. She cheated on her first husband with his best friend and is still married to him. Like her sister, she is a people pleaser and married an alpha male like my wife did. So either way can have an effect on your children but if you divorce at least you get the kids out of a bad role model for marriage and can find happiness for yourself. Half of the kids today come from broken homes and it is not a big deal anymore like it was in my day. In my day a divorced women was damaged goods, only for sex and not marrying. Times have changed. My niece and nephew come from a broken home. The son is doing well with his college degree and wife with two kids. He is a beta male whose wife does not cook or clean and makes the bulk of their money. The daughter, my niece was engaged twice but dumped after living with her fiancee. She just had a baby out of wedlock an it is up in the air if the father will marry her or not. They are trying to live together first.
Might as well make yourself happy since it is a coin toss as to what your kids with turn out like. I am embarrassed to say that after learning about this forum, I feel so lucky to have the marriage I have for the last 44 years. Sometimes I get very sad reading the posts here.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.