My wife is not in love with me anymore...
I am here for advice, as everyone else is.
I have been with my wife for over 9 years, we have 2 beautiful girls, 5 and 7, that are my life, and a reason for some of our problems. We are very different people, she is the outgoing one, a social butterfly, always the center of attention, I am the one who sits around and watches everyone, interacting with those that are only important to me. I am very neat and organized, she is not. She comes from a very large family, I can count my family on 1 hand. I am very hard working and do whatever necessary to provide for my family, she has never had a full time job. We are both very loving parents and our relationship has always been one that others wished that they had, as it seems we were very happy. Little did I know….
She always needs attention, and at times I know NOW that I was not giving her what she needed. I spend so much time with my daughters and she gets frustrated I did not show her the same attention I show them. I must have said to her thousands of times, "I have you the rest of my life, I only have them for a few more years." (meaning once teenage years hit, see ya dad!). I realize now that I should have spread my love, time, adoration, evenly, but am scared it might be too late.
The funny thing is I always used to get angry with her as I thought she takes me for granted, I have paid all the bills, up until recently did all laundries, made most meals and maintained our property and household. I felt she was not pulling her weight and was resentful at times. She used to always throw at me, I raise our kids, that is my role--blah, blah, blah. I used to be able to pay all of our expenses with little problems, now things have changed, I keep us afloat, we don't go without but I can't get a lot of the luxuries we used to and that is extra stress. I have told her on numerous occasions to get a full time job but it has not been done, using the kids as an excuse most of the time. Now I know I married a princess, and it is what it is. I accept it because I love her, and I know I would rather be with her than without.
We have maybe had two fights in front of the kids as I will not subject them to that. When she gets mad I sometimes don't know as she puts up a wall, her defense mechanism, and I have to try to break down the wall to try to find out why she is mad and see what can be done to resolve the problem. I do not enjoy being angry with her and want whatever problems we have to be fixed asap. Sometime I feel she enjoys being angry, she has told me she does… I didn't understand that until recently.
She recently told me she thinks she would be better without me. I was devastated and did not see this coming. I became a mess, I am normally the rock, I think in our 9 years together I have cried a handful of times, since that conversation it has occurred every day. She has been cold as ice, doesn't want me to sleep in the same bed, I asked if I could kiss her the other day and she said no. She is normally a very emotional person, she has cried over commercials on tv, but when it comes to this she has been a rock. She tells me she has such built up anger at me and she cannot forgive. She brings up stuff that I did months ago but never told me about them, stupid things that are all so petty. I don't know how or what I am suppose to do. She is using the anger as fuel to flame the fires of our dying marriage. I wish I could put them out.
She tells me she doesn't want to hurt me, but nothing else beyond that. I tell her I love her and I will not go out without a fight. She claims to be some god worshipping church going person(when it fits her schedule) and I can't wrap my head around how she thinks she, or our family would be better without me. I am so sad, maybe I just need to get angry, that would help get through this easier, to focus on all the bad, but I want my family and I want to make it good.
I asked her to go to counseling, at first she didn't think it would make a difference, but her seeing me the way I have been the last few days(emotional wreck) she has agreed to go. I guess that is a start.
She has also recently changed all her passwords on her computer, coincidence or is their more there? Only she knows.
I know other here are going through similar, if not worse than this, I needed to vent and here it is. I do have more to say but any feedback would be appreciated.