What if they let you go...without even a discussion

rothkogirl · 02-08-2012, 11:30 PM

I have been married 5 years- to someone 22 years older than I. We have two toddler children
together. We always lived a very high lifestyle - never shared finances...I never asked. We had successful
Businesses together in the beginning - and without my knowledge the day came we were in a financial nightmare.
He had asked me to put everything in my Madien name so I did- now two ccs maxed, loss of a million dollar home, cars, schools for our kids etc.. We are living
In a rent house- which is totally fine by me....it was never about the money- but something occurred two years ago and we stopped talking, laughing and living. I guess I never
Questioned him in the finance area because I truly always knew he'd come thru- a wonderful father..a dotting husband....with no friendship, and a controlling nature -

Now traveling with work - I finally got the courage to tell him I'm unhappy and sick of being sad- today! Without even a discussion
He tells me no relationship can take the beating we've endured- it's over. I'm a little confused as to is this a plot for attention or is this for real? A divorce without discussion...
I'm by no means perfect but feel like I've been living in a facade that I allowed. I'm ready to be in the real world and he dismisses me so quickly and our children.
I am his third wife- the two previous ended with affairs.. Who can walk away that easily? Is it me or is this completely irrational. My heart is broken as he won't even fight for me- I've stuck by him through some sick hard times-....and am tired of dying and ready to live BUT at least shed a tear for me. I am sad.
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Shaggy · 02-08-2012, 11:34 PM

Does he think you might be cheating and this is way of dumping ?
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rothkogirl · 02-08-2012, 11:36 PM

I don't know...or maybe he is. I think Their has always been concern there for him but not necessary. I honestly never thought of that.. As I'm not a grass is greener person- and he knows that.
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EleGirl · 02-08-2012, 11:37 PM

Maybe he was waiting for you to say something that he felt gave him the permission to leave. You are not happy so now he can leave.

Did his last two marriages end with him having an affair?

Is he working and earning an income right now?

rothkogirl · 02-08-2012, 11:42 PM

Yes - his last last two did end with an affair. And yes, he is working but I am still carrying the weight and stress of our family.
I'm in shock- for someone to say I will miss the kids - a man that was with them 24 hrs a day and now not....it's baffling and actually I noticed it on his last two days off he was super distant with our children... Not normal for him as they are still babies. He was definitely distancing himself from us.
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PBear · 02-08-2012, 11:52 PM

I think the question is did HE have an affair, or did his wives?

C
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rothkogirl · 02-08-2012, 11:59 PM

He did.
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EleGirl · 02-09-2012, 12:06 AM

He's a guy who runs away when there are problems in a marriage instead of working on the marriage.

Where you his affair partner? Sorry just wondering.

It's not clear if you have tried to take more in depth with him about the way he's acting now. Have you?

rothkogirl · 02-09-2012, 12:06 AM

I've never been here- I didn't get married until I was 32- and..I have two small children that there dad said tonight I will miss the kids. And....I am concerened - sad and above all shocked. Is he saying goodbye or is he reaching for attention-?- egos of a man I will never understand.
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rothkogirl · 02-09-2012, 12:15 AM

I was....but he had a relationship for five years while still in his second marriage- it was a stay together for the kids marriage.

We've not talked in depth in two years- I guess I've been scared as I knew it would
End in a fight or a blame game. The first "real" words I said were today- I
Am sad and not happy....profound. He is away on business so on the phone just said well it's over- I love you, your strong- let's move on to happiness- were both tired. The funny thing is there is much to discuss- it's hurtful to be dismissed so quickly- I just don't get it. Our kids have been his world! It honestly makes me concerened for his well being
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rothkogirl · 02-09-2012, 12:18 AM

Maybe the beginning was tortured - as he called it he left it in the yard and didn't care for it.?. Nothing has been blissful in our path - other than the birth of our kids and the moments totally alone seeing each other on a human level.
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EleGirl · 02-09-2012, 12:21 AM

Maybe set a time to talk to him. Tell him that he is not losing his children. You two can do a 50/50 custody arrangement.

And he does not have to lose the marriage either if he will just work on it.

How many other children does he have? How old are they? And how much does he see them?

rothkogirl · 02-09-2012, 12:26 AM

He has four children - not including our two. He doesn't see them
Often- speaks to them
Once a week.

The strange thing is I had an idea as soon as I said one word there would be no discussion- he'd quit. Everything is very personal and ego drivin- I would never keep
Him from our kids....but it's almost like all of a sudden he's lost interest
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rothkogirl · 02-09-2012, 12:27 AM

His children are 23, 25, 27 and 29 and ours are 2 and 4
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EleGirl · 02-09-2012, 12:34 AM

So he does not have a lot of finacial obligation to his older children.

What I get out of all of this is that he's a guy who runs when it gets tough. Not a lot you can do about that.

I suggest you treat him according to the 180 (see signature block below). Let him see what life will be like without you. This will protect you and help you stay strong.