Im looking for some perspective. All advice is appreciated.

publicservant · 02-09-2012, 03:53 PM

Im thinking about leaving my wife of 9 years. We have no kids, so nothing to worry about there. We got married when we were 21. The first few years were great, but then the deployment to Iraq came and changed everything. I was gone for over a year and when I came home I was not greeted with love and kisses, but instead I got the cold shoulder, emotionallty and physically. We talked and she said she was angry bc I did not call her enough. We would talk on the phone every 4 or 5 days and email in between. The first month i was back was supposed to be the best month of my life, but it turned out to be the worst and went further downhill from there. She did not want anything to do with me and even asked me to leave a few times. I was not ready so I begged and pleaded and she let me stay. This continued for the next year. She just wasnt there emotionally and physically for me. Our relationship slowly got better in the emotional dept. but not in the physical dept. I think the toll it put on me those years ago have finally caught up with me. We get along fine but I am just so unhappy. I dont want to be around her anymore, i dont have the urge to kiss or hug her. I dont want to have sex with her. Those are not normal feelings for me either. The best part of my day is either when im at work or she goes to bed. So thats pretty much the short story of my marriage. Any advice for me?

synthetic · 02-09-2012, 04:38 PM

Sounds very probable that she had an affair when you weren't around.

You have obviously developed a ton of resentment towards her over the years (not unjustified).

My advice to you is to have a very peaceful and lengthy talk with your wife (preferably outside your usual setting/home) and explain to her exactly how you feel. Try to get an honest answer from her about the reason for her behavior when you returned. Not calling enough is not a justification for her attitude.

How's your sex life right now?

publicservant · 02-09-2012, 05:32 PM

Sex is is pretty much nil. It has been since i returned in 2006. You would think that after your husband has been gone for 15 months you would want to sleep with him. Not the case though, it was almost 2 months before she would. The intimicy has been killed and that is part of the reason my connection with her is gone.

Babyheart · 02-09-2012, 09:35 PM

Sex has been nil for the past 6 years? WOW!!!

You two need to talk.

synthetic · 02-09-2012, 10:17 PM

You need to find out what the hell she's been doing all this time with her desires.

What have you been doing? Porn?

publicservant · 02-09-2012, 10:31 PM

Very true. I am gone a few times a week for work, ive always wondered if shes cheated. she has never admitted to it. As for me, yes porn.

daisygirl 41 · 02-10-2012, 03:30 AM

Imagine your life without her. How do you feel? Relief? Sadness?
Not meaning to sound heartless but it sounds to me like you are done. You sound very unhappy. Maybe it's time to move on for both your sakes. Don't get me wrong I am not one to say not to fight to save your marriage but it doesn't sound like you want too. You both sound miserable. One life you have, and we all deserve to be happy.
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