not sure where i stand - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 07:54 PM
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Re: not sure where i stand

What a waste of life.

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post #32 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 09:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: not sure where i stand

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What a waste of life.
It would appear so. I won't feel guilty for trying but I am angry that I gave her many opportunities to leave and she wouldn't because "she couldn't imagine life without me" and now it appears jay NEVER left
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post #33 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 10:54 PM
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Re: not sure where i stand

Remix it seems to me your at a crossroads...she either did cheat in which case you either divorce or possibility lose the farm or you suffer going forward knowing you need her income to make ends meet...neither is a good option...but alternatively you now have to live with the face that she will never be honest with you......I'm mot sure i could live with that either.
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post #34 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 11:36 PM
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Re: not sure where i stand

Bremik. Bremik...Still orating in the face of irrefutable evidence​.

Talk less, do more.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #35 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 08:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: not sure where i stand

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Bremik. Bremik...Still orating in the face of irrefutable evidence​.

Talk less, do more.
I read your initial thread and think maybe some of this will make sense to you. This morning during milking I talked to my wife. She tried to kiss me before she went in and I stopped her and said "you realize your contact with jay is the deal breaker?" I forgot to buckle my seat belt before the ride that followed!

She sees nothing wrong with contacting jay and it's not like they actually meet. She cried said she can't understand why I can't get over this. I have been mean to her for 6 months now. There is nothing going on. I shouldn't have any issues that jay is still around because he is not. She is not lying to me. Now I am creeping on her because I know things and why am I watching her? She can't do anything without me blowing things out of proportion. I asked her am I blowing out of proportion that the guy she partied with in school, spent the night on the couch when drunk, that she confided to when we had arguments about her staying out with and he told her to ignore me, the guy who left very sexually explicit messages and who now has her new phone number of which she of course can't recall when he got it or why he contacted her and has been in contact with her without her telling me- Is this what I am blowing out of proportion?

I am not giving her a chance. I am just angry at her for everything. Round and round we went fair amount of crying from her and basically making me feel like I am crazy. Welcome to how it goes around here!
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post #36 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 08:36 AM
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Re: not sure where i stand

So you're walking around angry at her all the time and having pointless circular arguments with her while continuing to waste your life by staying with this deceptive cheater.

Are you looking for a pat on the back?

If nothing else direct your anger to the correct person.

Hint- it's not her.
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post #37 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 08:47 AM
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Re: not sure where i stand

Your problem is that you keep hoping she will see it your way.

She won't. You are not compatible. Accept it and make your decision based on facts, not hope.

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I read your initial thread and think maybe some of this will make sense to you. This morning during milking I talked to my wife. She tried to kiss me before she went in and I stopped her and said "you realize your contact with jay is the deal breaker?" I forgot to buckle my seat belt before the ride that followed!

She sees nothing wrong with contacting jay and it's not like they actually meet. She cried said she can't understand why I can't get over this. I have been mean to her for 6 months now. There is nothing going on. I shouldn't have any issues that jay is still around because he is not. She is not lying to me. Now I am creeping on her because I know things and why am I watching her? She can't do anything without me blowing things out of proportion. I asked her am I blowing out of proportion that the guy she partied with in school, spent the night on the couch when drunk, that she confided to when we had arguments about her staying out with and he told her to ignore me, the guy who left very sexually explicit messages and who now has her new phone number of which she of course can't recall when he got it or why he contacted her and has been in contact with her without her telling me- Is this what I am blowing out of proportion?

I am not giving her a chance. I am just angry at her for everything. Round and round we went fair amount of crying from her and basically making me feel like I am crazy. Welcome to how it goes around here!

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #38 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: not sure where i stand

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Originally Posted by stixx View Post
So you're walking around angry at her all the time and having pointless circular arguments with her while continuing to waste your life by staying with this deceptive cheater.

Are you looking for a pat on the back?

If nothing else direct your anger to the correct person.

Hint- it's not her.
No I wasn't looking for a pat on the back just stating where we are as of this morning
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post #39 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:19 AM
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Re: not sure where i stand

I know this is selfish on my part, but would love to keep this on the "Sand and fine dining" thread.

But then, this is not in my control, so all I can do is ask and then not come back to it as I set my boundary and let go (I'll keep the circular logic out of it, I promise).

नमस्ते 🙏
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post #40 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:45 AM
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Re: not sure where i stand

Just be done and END IT finally. She is 100% in the wrong, you know it, and her not recognizing it as such is total disrespect to you.

You have been dealing with this for EIGHT YEARS..... BE DONE!


Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #41 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 10:49 AM
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Re: not sure where i stand

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Originally Posted by Emerging Buddhist View Post
I know this is selfish on my part, but would love to keep this on the "Sand and fine dining" thread.

But then, this is not in my control, so all I can do is ask and then not come back to it as I set my boundary and let go (I'll keep the circular logic out of it, I promise).
These threads do need to be merged. How about it @farsidejunky?

Weightlifters Standard Evidence Thread

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Your marriage reminds me of a guy dragging a dead whale across the beach.
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post #42 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 10:55 AM
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Re: not sure where i stand

OP, you are really ok with doing nothing about this? She's definitely cheating on you openly and letting you find out about it.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #43 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 11:27 AM
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Re: not sure where i stand

She's never going to see things your way (or stop trying to convince you to see things her way). You need to let go of the expectation that she'll stop communicating with him and lying to you about it. If he really is a deal breaker then make it stick. Otherwise, stop saying he is because when you don't follow through that makes you look weak and women don't respect weak men.

Stay in the marriage or don't. Those are your options.
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