At one point she ended up supposedly on his couch drunk and spent the night with neither one of them calling me to tell me where she was. As time has gone on (14+ years) I've found out other things that went on with more partying that I never knew about.
I dont know of any woman or man who does this unless they are having sex. you said you found out that more went on behind your back. if it was innocent, she wouldnt have hide it.
I've come acrosss e-mails from Dave to my wife telling her how gorgeous she is and how much fun he has listening to her talk about sex all the time.
you have hard core evidence that it is her talking about sex very often, not just a little like she is trying to twist it.
My wife lied about staying out late (2-3 in the morning ) partying with them and often times didn't even talk to the kids at night.
There is no way this was innocent either. why lie about that, plus forgetting to call your kids is a big one, it means she was doing something that she shouldnt have been and it was more important then her own babies. Speaking from a woman's point of view. If i am out just drinking, i dont forget my babies or calling. i want to hear their voices because i miss them and they mean more to me than just drinking. i have been out partying and having sex, and yes, those where the times i didnt call to say goodnight to the children.
More recently I came across a voicemail from Dave and Jay asking my wife if she was "getting it on" with another co-worker and how lucky he was if she was
OMG!! Why in the world would they even ask that unless someone was saying something or saw something. This is more then just talking sex in the office!!
and also how much they'd like to have anal sex with her.
You have the proof that she cheated on you. I guaratee it. Nobody leaves a text like this unless it was true!!! So she is CHEATING on you!! Apparently these guys already know they can talk to her that way because she is the one who talks to them that way. if you think it is all talk then you are lieing to yourself.
You CANT Trust her, You cant DEPEND on her, She is NOT LOYAL. She is NOT HONEST. You HAVE BEEN BETRAYED, and she DOES ONLY THINK of herself. This is more then just love, sometimes love is not enough.
I really feel sorry for you because you sound like a wonderful, hard working, dependable, loyal husband. I only wish my husband was like that. But i believe you really need to sit down with your self and decide if you want to go on like this for the rest of your life. BECAUSE SHE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. She is continuing to excuse her friends actions as being not that big of a deal, because they are not a big deal to her since she is the one that "started" it in the first place. She tries to minimize it because it is bother you and you are yelling about it and basically because she got caught and she doesnt want you digging deeper and finding out the truth. You gut feeling is usually right, it is your head that is trying to convince yourself otherwise. look everyone flirts, i flirt, but guys know that i am just flirting and they have no chance in h*ll getting with me. And there is no way i would ever allow that kind of texting to go on or that level of sex talk either. For whatever reason, she encourages it. And as a woman, there is only one reason you encourage that kind of thing and that being you are open for suggestions and hoping for some action. so i honestly feel it is more then someone trying to kiss her and i seriously doubt she stopped them. No woman who loves her husband would risk going to visit a guy that they KNOW makes their husband upset. it just isnt worth it.
That needed to be said, because you have your blinders on. The thing now is what are you going to do about it. You can ignore it, and act like nothing happened. and things might be okay for a while, but she will do it again and again and again. You can sit her down, without the babies, and have an allnighter talk with her about your marriage and what you expect from it and find out what she wants from a marriage and a husband. and force her to understand that her doing these kinds of things are not acceptable. and how they hurt you and might break up the marriage. but i still think she is too selfish for this to work. or you can cut your losses and leave her. Love is strong but it sounds like you are the only one in love here. Her actions are speaking stronger then words.
good luck. i hope what i said has made you look at things a little differently. I know it is hard to discribe what is going on and how the other person really is. So i might be wrong about how your wife really is, but i do think you need to look long and hard at her and not make excuses. I think marriage counselling might help too, you might want to check into in your area and demand she goes with you.