12-29-2013, 01:57 AM
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
| | Re: Support site for divorcing or separating Asperger Spouse
perplexedowl: You are accusing O'Donnelli of acting like an Aspie. As part of the disorder is self interest and as us taking comments personally . The problem with Aspies is that there are so many variations on the theme that the behaviour of one does not reflect the behaviour of another. Nanian, your marriage sounds difficult and Aspie/normal marriages have a high failure rate. It is hard to respond without a clear sense of what the behaviour is and how you handle it. Aspie marriages take extra work by both the Aspie and the normal. Some Aspies can do it, others can't. I can empathise with the issues you face, and I understand your anger and frustration with your stbxh. My wife has put up with me for 40 years and after many years of conflict, two separations, and an EA/PA on her part. I have learned how, and my wife has helped me, to function as a team. I am a high functioning ASD. The last few years have been the best of our marriage. What I would tell you is that being married to an Aspie requires a lot of effort, care, tears and emotional energy. Without support and help from friends and most importantly your husband it won't last.. He must recognize that he too has work to do as well. No doubt you have done all you can to salvage your marriage and there is just nothing left to do but save yourself.
If I may, what O'Donnelli tried to say and what Perplexedowl missed is that you cannot stereotype Aspies any more than you can stereotype anyone. As I said, I am High Functioning ASD and I have learned how to recognize people's emotions and have a set of reactive behaviours. When I told my friends about my diagnosis, they couldn't believe it. I am different from O'Donnelli or Nanian's husband or Matt Matt's (another poster on Tam) wife and like O'Donnelli I don't like being stereotyped as one thing or another, but I do hear Nanian and I know, one Aspie can be one too many, even if we are as different from one an other as you normal are.
Last edited by Thinkitthrough; 12-29-2013 at 02:00 AM.
Reason: spelling and wording