I can only speak for myself, but my thought process weighs heavily on my kids and what type of life I envision them having without me there a majority of the time. Do plenty of kids turn out fine? Certainly. Is the upbringing a child experiences different when mom and dad are apart? Certainly.
My wife is a good mother, and we get along. I realized recently that I married my friend from high school. As "shocked" as I was when I exposed her most recent affair, the reality is that I was not shocked at all, but rather choosing to stop accepting a life as a doormat. I knew along she was capable of this and never really trusted her. Add in the bull$hit history we have post high school and what we have here is a guy (me) that figured things were good enough with his first real girl that he should propose. She said yes, because I suppose I was marriage material, despite the fact she was in a relationship with another loser at the time. It's was a mess, but we are both to blame in that I pushed forward even though I knew things were not right, and her of course because she treated every relationship of hers AND her marriage as if it was casual dating.
The rest of my story is on this site, but I've realized that we remained immature kids somehow through the seven years of our marriage, and maintained our respective roles as if we were still dating like in high school. Except for having wealth, a house, assets, and kids. Woops.
I left the house for three months and even dated someone else. The rebound was fun. Intense. But guess what? With young kids I was far from being single. I could hardly manage my seperated life without a kid related responsibility. I also missed them and it weighed on me that I was choosing dinner and hot sex over them (that is at least how I felt at the time). I don't want to judge others for their decisions, but I now understand why some folks decide to give it another shot even after their spouse laid on the ultimate betrayal (like that pun?) when kids are involved. There is no clean break, the baggage is tremendous.
Lastly, my wife is remorseful, and she is a good person and well liked. I go back to this concept of a weighted average, and even putting a big price on infidelty, she's worth another shot, I think. Each to their own, but I also put a lot of stock in the simple things like reading a book and tucking the kids in, which unfortunately go away in a large quantity for a dad in a divorce.
I will admit that if there were no children involved, I'd be gone, but the kids altered my whole thought process, and based on what I'm feeling inside, I don't think it's simply the stay together for the kids concept. It was more like the kids were the catalyst in putting an extensive amount of thought in all of this, and I have made it clear to my wife that she has them to thank at the moment for me considering R.
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Last edited by lovestruckout; 02-27-2012 at 07:02 PM.