tossedaside

I posted yesterday about my husband's 'work-wife' on the infidelity board. The response was amazing- I can't believe how many of us are here, going through this pain. It's nice to not feel alone.

I have decided I am not going to do the disclosure thing to his work or his family. He's not worth fighting over. I am 35, and have been with him since I was 17- so that's really hard. It's all I've known. I am a SAHM- my husband works in IT and has a great job...I practically begged him to reconsider this morning, to no avail. We have 4 kids, he does not care about the effect this will have on them at all. The affair he has been having with a coworker of his started when I was pregnant with our youngest ..thats when he hired this woman...all downhill from there. He has hardly bonded with the baby at all...she's almost 2 now- he doesnt care about custody issues surrounding her at all..should i be surprised? I can't imagine not wanting to watch my children grow up..he only wants minimal visitation.

Not only does he not want to fix anything...he's becoming verbally abusive , esp since i wont go along with him filing online- i am hiring a lawyer...he said he doesnt see any reason he should have to show up in court...he will walk past me and OUT OF THE BLUE say "Move, you dumb b&tch!"...he did this twice last night...i could go on and on there....now if i agreed to the quickie divorce- he would probably be my best friend...i found his W2 form a couple nights ago and saw he made a little more money last year then he told me- he proceeded to follow me around the house for 2 and a half hours , harrassing me, saying "you thought i made you miserable before? i wasnt even trying. wait till you see what your life is like once i try to make your life miserable." this was simply because i saw his financial documents. anything to do with money- he is trying to keep me away from.

the ultimate insult was the day he filed our taxes online (jointly of course) right after than was when i found out he wanted to file online. he wasnt going to tell me.

i found myself really confused this morning...why would i beg someone like this to stay with me? wth was wrong with me? i guess it was fear? I don't want to be with someone who treats me like this...and yet I asked him to stay...of course he said NO- its over... UGH! I wish i didnt do that...

he wasnt abusive in any way until i discovered his work affair right after i had the baby 2 years ago- i thought the affair had stopped but about a month ago a coworker outed him and his girlfriend in front of everyone in the office- they were caught in a park together ( i dont know the details, no one will tell me) and then there was a human resources investigation , etc. thats a really long story, too much to type. lets just say he gives his coworker girlfriend special priveledges it turns out, and his coworkers are mad. the one who outed him yelled and cursed at my husband in front of everyone. and subsequently got fired...this whole thing is soooo embarrassing.
we've been married almost 16 years.

i am planning to give my lawyer a big fat retainer tommorrow :-( i dont want to...but i have no choice...i cant let him file online...and do custody orders over the internet? because he isn't enough of a man to face anyone and admit what he's done. he still wears his wedding ring to his family's house and to work (not at home) ..i dont know wth is wrong with him...he says he does it cause he's not divorced yet...but he cant talk to me without cursing at me...and he will harldy go near me anymore now...

Almostrecovered

If he's being sketchy about finances he probably has secret accounts

Alert your lawyer to the possibility and tell your lawyer you want affair expenses figured into the splitting of assets

You should also go buy a VAR soon. Record your conversations in case he tries to make false accusations

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In_The_Wind

Sorry Tossed Yes it's called discovery and do not go the quick route, I would get all you are entitled too as a matter of fact why not go ahead and serve him and get him out of the house since he is acting like this I can assure you that one day he will wake up and realize he missed out on his childrens lives these are decisions he has made let him enjoy them.

Good Luck

Toffer

Tossed,
Also ask your lawyer if you can get him removed from the house based on the verbal abuse. Ask if you had a recording of it, would it help make the case to the ploice?

If you haven't done so already, implement a hard 180 on him. Is his Other Woman married or have a boyfriend? If so EXPOSE.

Why wouldn't you expose to his family? He will use this time to get in front of you and tell them what a horrible mother and wife he's been to him and your kids.

I am sorry your here. he is deep in the fog. He needs to be held accountable for his action and his responsibilities.

warlock07

Have you outed the the Pakistani OW? Do it first. And don't be scared. Show him no weakness. Your STXH is the kind the will prey on weakness. He will try to intimidate you with statements like this

Don't care about it. Just keep ignoring him and do your thing.

Powerbane

Have you exposed to HR at you STBXH workplace? Fraternization is a no-no in most businesses.
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Almostrecovered

if divorce wasn't a given like it is here I would agree, but exposing the workplace at this point may cause his termination and therefore she misses out on important finances and support that's need after the divorce


I do agree exposing the OW to her husband/family and to OP's inlaws is a good idea

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Toffer

Tossed,
Listen to these people!
I would rain Fire and Hell down on him and her with the families. Doesn't the OW's husband deserve to know about his wife's infidelity?

I have no problem with not going to their HR department. Why risk him being terminated? Get the money you need for your kids!

CH

Get a lawyer and bend him over and shove that 10 foot pole up where the sun don't shine.

He can go and live with the OW or stay with his parents for all you care.

Since you're a SAHM, he's gonna pay through the nose in alimony & child support. And if you get a good lawyer and he tries to hide any money/assets he's gonna be in a world of hurt.

Happyagain39

Reading you post, it broke my heart. We arent angels, we ladies will agree to that, but you and your children deserve love and respect. You still have a wonderful family-even without a Dad. I surrounded myself with strong women, shoot I even watched those crazy 'woman gets dumped and finds herself again' movies, but they are fantastic at helping you get your own fighting spirit back. Always remember that you only get one life and you need to spend it as happy as possible and loving those kids! Dont waste anymore tears on this slob! Take Care

Toffer

Tossed,
Haven't heard from you in a while. You OK?