KS may I pose a question? If a woman said that her husband threw things at her, slapped and pushed her 2 or 3 tines during the marriage, as a man what would you think?
Abuse of men is under reported and often not taken seriously. I suppose it is because men are stronger than woman physically. Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence - Philip W. Cook - Google Books
But if abuse were a matter of physical ability why don't abused women use their feet to leave?
Why don't they leave? The abuser breaks their partner down psychologically then they escalate the abuse.
The abused often often does not recognize that they are being abuse because they side with their abuser and think that they deserve to be treated badly.
I know that her violence was not the main focus of your post.
However, I think it is among the aspects that you must use in your deliberation about where you want your marriage to go. Is also pertains to the protection of your children.
You said I believe, that your wife's behavior changed recently and you are in therapy for depression and anxiety. Have you discussed with your therapist your wife's violence?
You also describe your wife accuses you of cheating and has managed to make you anxious about receiving any communication from women.
I think you need to consider that you are being controlled and abused by your wife and if so, it will escalate.
I don't know the nature of her treatment of the kids but if it concerns you then there is a problem.
I think the sexlessness of your marrage is the tip of the iceberg and that there are very serious problems.
I may be wrong but all the red flags are there.
You have sided with your wife because you want to keep the peice and I think you are in denial. It is not normal to throw things and hit ones partner. That is domestic violence.
Think about it. If it rings true, begin to document any incidence of inappropriate dicipline of the kids and any aggressive behavior towards yourself.
If she hits you again call the police. It may sound silly but if you decide to divorce her history of violence will be considered. You need proof.
I hope this helps you to take a good look at your wife and your life. You could ask yourself, why you are walking on eggshells.
Your wife is being unreasonable, yet you allow yourself to suffer. You have done so for years. Don't you think it is time for a change.
Boundaries - she stops the violence, stops the accusations, and searching for evidence and disciplines the kids appropriately starting now.