I dont know what to do.... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-15-2012, 09:55 PM Thread Starter
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I dont know what to do....

My husband of 27 years has checked out emotionally. He continues to go out for "me" time and recently I found him going into a restaurant with another women when he said he was working late. He told me this was business and refuses to address this. I have suffered from depression and not addressing my physical needs due to extreme financial problems without insurance. My two teenage children have been the priority for 15 years and our marriage has been neglected and feel it is unfair that he has concluded we are not right for each other. A year and half ago he started dressing different, dying his hair and began to work late and have "me" time. While I had emotionally shut down I did not realize our marriage had become so destroyed, but now I do and want to do everything I can to save it. Neither one of us worked to correct this problem in the past, but he feels he did all he could do. Recently everything has evolved into this dysfuctional situation, he won't leave, but he has abondoned me emtionally. I have set a priority to get insurance and deal with past issues and he won't leave out of fear of my emotional imbalance. I try to talk to him but it always ends in an argument and I am wrong. Tonight he was going out with the guys and I asked where for I might want to hook up with him, he became extremely angry and said I was playing games and checking up on him. I am trying to pull myself out of a depression and suicidal thoughts, I love my children and want to save my marriage, but feel it is so one sided. I know I need to save myself first, but his emotional abandoment has left me completely destroyed at a time that I need support the most. I begged him to stay, which is what he did, but he is not here which is even more hurtful. He can go live with his parents but refuses leaving me feeling worse by him staying. I want to move forward, but with him here, it gives me false hope of being perfect for him. I don't know what to do for living in this existence is far too painful. I wish he would admit an emotional affair so I could move past this, but he refuses to address this.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-15-2012, 10:07 PM
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Re: I dont know what to do....

Sorry you are going through this, but you have found a site here that can help you a lot.

Do you have any family for friends who can give you some emotional support? You need a support system through all of this.

Does your husband have a job? Do you have a job? Why don’t you have any health insurance?

There are programs that you can take advantage of for getting health coverage. There should be programs in your local area. Have you checked to see what is available?

How old are your children? There are usually programs to cover them as well.

Before you have a prayer of getting your husband to stop what you is doing and return to your marriage you have to make some changes.
What are the things that you want to improve about yourself? Start there. Get a complete makeover. Some new clothing… update your style.

As you grow into a new you.. since he’s at home he will see the new you. These changes will get his attention
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-15-2012, 10:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I dont know what to do....

Thank you for the post. My children are covered through a state program something I have made sure to happen. My husband is self employed and we make too much money for programs available, but not enough to get private insurance. I have clearly stated to him that I need this and he is willing to pay for coverage. I found reduced counseling that feel this will help me alot along with getting coverage so I can go on antidepressant to gain a clearer perspective. I love my husband and desperately don't want to leave him, but feel once I recover from my past issues, I won't want him in my life and that is scary for me.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-15-2012, 10:39 PM
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Re: I dont know what to do....

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheermom2012 View Post
Thank you for the post. My children are covered through a state program something I have made sure to happen. My husband is self employed and we make too much money for programs available, but not enough to get private insurance. I have clearly stated to him that I need this and he is willing to pay for coverage. I found reduced counseling that feel this will help me alot along with getting coverage so I can go on antidepressant to gain a clearer perspective. I love my husband and desperately don't want to leave him, but feel once I recover from my past issues, I won't want him in my life and that is scary for me.
I have heard of policies for one person through BC/BS that are between $150 and $300 a month.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheermom2012 View Post
I love my husband and desperately don't want to leave him, but feel once I recover from my past issues, I won't want him in my life and that is scary for me.
Don’t let these thoughts hold you back. If this happens you will no longer love him and leaving him will be the only path you can see.

I think that the book “Surviving an Affair” Dr. Harley would do you a lot of good. It will give the info of what you need to do to handle this situation.
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