Possible to live with resentment?
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 37
Default Possible to live with resentment?

I've been together with my wife for about 10 years, got married about 2 years ago. 6 months after we were married, her niece (6 years old at the time) needed a place to live as my wife's mother and father were no longer able to care for her due to behavior issues.

I have told my wife and the children's aid society in the past a couple times already, that I cannot do this any longer, but my wife pushed and pushed and we kept doing it, expecting things to get better, but they haven't. (W and 7 year old niece yell and argue at eachother everyday -- 4-5 days a week I wake up in the morning to this)

Last Thursday night I broke down, didn't go home, not even sure what to do. I went back to get some clothes so and went away for a few days. She then says she is now willing to give the niece back to the children's aid society.

I haven't spoke with W since this last Thursday. It just seems that the niece has always been more important than me, and now that the niece is gone, what is left ?

Would it be too difficult to carry on our marriage, as my wife and her family would hold so much resentment towards me for not sticking it out with the niece?

Last edited by Schill; 03-19-2012 at 08:56 AM.
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Old 03-19-2012, 11:09 AM   #2 (permalink)
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 905
Default Re: Possible to live with resentment?

Nobody here can tell you that, because nobody knows the two of you. She's succumbed to your wishes and put you #1, what else do you want? You want her to tell you nothing and no one -- even a child with no family to care for her -- is more important than you and your needs, and despite what SHE wanted, that you were right.

I do wonder if the niece experiment might have worked somewhat better if you were there with her, all-in, to making it work... but that's a judgment I can't qualify. But "for better or for worse"....

Get yourselves into joint counseling and get it all on the table - the good ,the bad, and the ugly in an open, safe environment and talk it out. THEN decide. But decide from facts, together, not supposition and expectation of each other. Does SHE even want you back? Do you WANT to go back, or feel like you're 'supposed to' go back?
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