New member here, and at this point, I'll take any help offered, or a blueprint on how to get the hell-out.
I have known/dated my wife for a lil less than 10 years and been married a little over four. We have a three year old daughter who is God's gift to us both. I'm sure this sounds like quite the perfect picture. It is anything but.
My family has never really liked my wife, and they always found her snooty and "high-maintenance". They are right. They tolerated her and accepted her, even though she is pretty much a ***** to them every chance she gets (and rags about me and my family to her sisters on the phone every day).
Long story short, my wife has absolutely no respect for me. She talks down to me in a very angry voice, yells out commands if/when she wants something done. Whenever I offer help of any kind, she makes very rude/condescending/sarcastic remarks like "if I wanted help, I'd ask!" or "no thank you, you will do it like the slob you are" (Dishes, for instance).
Whenever I try to tell her "I don't appreciate how you talk to me" she respond with "I'm a b-tch, deal with it" even though she talks to nobody else like this.
She is very mean to me and to call this verbal/physical abuse would be a far understatement. She has been doing this for at least 3-4 years, and now it is at its worst point ever. I do everything I can for my wife. I work 50 hours a week and have a great job with great income, I spend every other minute of my life in further education to better my family life for them or with her and our daughter at a park or something.
She constantly calls me abusive names like “fat ugly pig” or “worthless selfish a—hole” even though I give every penny and minute of my life to this family.
Since the day our baby was born, I have done at least 70% of the diaper duty and more than 90% of the nightly bathing etc. My wife does all the cooking/cleaning, I'm not even allowed in the kitchen, or it's a fight!
I have never been to a strip club, nor would you ever find me in one. I'm 28 years old, in great physical shape. I don't play any video games and I am the last thing from somebody you would call "lazy".
Also, she has got to be the most OCD person I have ever met. If a towel isn't folded exactly perfect, or if there is one cookie crumb on the carpet she blows up and makes very rude and condescending comments like "THIS is what happens when you marry a three old. This is what happens when are married to a fat, gross slob” (I'm clean and in the best shape of my life
The other major complain and the number 1 broken part of our marriage is her complete unwilling attitude to talk to me (productively). She won’t talk to me about good days/bad days/happy days/anything. I try to talk to her when I'm happy, when I'm sad and everything in between. She won’t give me 30 seconds of her time. Whenever I try to talk to her about "problems" I perceive (like the ship wreck marriage we have) she mocks me like a grade-school bully and says a pretend-whinny-voice "ohhh poor baby, let me mother you like the baby you are..." or "Don't counsel me, this is my time to [read/watch tv/browse laptop...etc etc etc]". There is always an excuse. She will not talk to me.
It doesn't take rocket scientist for anybody to realize that this woman has not a care in the world for me, and I'm sure everybody reading this is telling me to RUN from this marriage. Well, I'm begging somebody to help me figure out how.
Initially, when people meet her, (friends, mom etc) they never believed me when I told them about how she treats me. Then I forward actual emails/texts and they realize and see it for themselves. Couple of months ago, I was on the phone with my mom, and my wife went off bananas about something little like always, and my mom heard it over the phone and couldn't believe 1) that my wife talks to me like that 2) how coy I was in terms of how deaf I was to it because its normal everyday behavior. It was then my mom truly realized and told me to RUN.
This woman's complete lack of respect for me is so bad, that I have to constantly correct my three year old daughter when she too starts treating me the same. The problem is, I simply do not know how to leave this woman for a few reasons, of which I will admit 10000000% and have no shame. Here they are:
1) I want the world to know 100% that this marriage failure is not because of me (i never cheated/never have/never will)
2) I do not want her to spoil my daughters brain throughout life saying stuff like "daddy abandoned us" etc etc etc.
3) I am afraid of being alone. If i said anything else, I'd be lying through my teeth. There. I admit it and not ashamed.
4) I have no clue how to leave, when this woman is financially dependent on me. I am not going to "throw her out"
I do want to point out a few things: I have never been physically/emotionally/verbally abusive to my wife, she acknowledges this. I have never ever called her the childish names that she constantly attacks me with. I have ONE woman's phone number in my phone, and she happens to be a lesbo friend of mine from work. Otherwise, I'm the most faithful man alive.
This friend of mine at work tells me all the time how she thinks I am one of the greatest guys she knows, and cannot believe the treatment I get from my wife.
My wife's sister is married to a true definition of garbage. Her husband does not work, and has no intentions on doing so. He does not even lift a finger to help raise their two kids. I constantly remind my wife about her sister's marriage whenever she goes off on me. All she responds with in a snide way is "if I wanted someone like him, I'd marry someone like him".
A couple of years ago, I took us to a neutral counselor and after one session, the counselor basically had to correct my wife on the spot because of the audacity my wife admitted how she talks to me. Since then, my wife won’t even think about going to a counselor, even of her picking.
So, I am done for now, otherwise I could ramble on for days about how abused I am.
At this point, I am not treated even remotely close to anything that I would consider acceptable to myself, and even if my wife changed a hundred things, she would still be "too horrible" to/for me. I just want out. She won’t even sit for 30 seconds and hear me out about me asking for a divorce. She won’t.
What do I do?