Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

My heart is not where it's supposed to be. I shouldn't be thinking the stuff I think for this other guy, but I can't help it. I enjoy time with him ,more than I do with my husband. He makes me laugh all the time. We have the same sense of humor. It is just amazing how good I feel around him. He knows I am married and is very respectful and careful, but there have been many instances where I catch him stare at my butt and pretend he wasn't when I turn my head. He picks on me non stop all 8hours we work together and I pick on him back. I feel like a f****** high schooler. He is in his 30s and I am no high schooler, but we giggle at each others jokes etc. etc. it is pretty silly. I feel like I need to be happy so bad that I am completely disrespecting my marriage. Normaly with male coworkers I make sure I always talk about my husband in a positive way so that they know that I am unavailable and happilly married.....but lately the "happilly" part has completely vanished and when I am with this guy I never bring my husband up. I wish I was single so I could get to know him better. My husband gives me the financial stability I want, but that's it. It hasn't even been a year of marriage and I know I made a mistake. I must have. There is no way there would be any space in my brain and heart for other men if I was happilly married.


I like to think that I'm not a bad person. I am just so attracted to my new coworker and the fact that he is super good looking doesn't help either.


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Old 04-04-2012, 03:18 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Good_Wife View Post
My heart is not where it's supposed to be. I shouldn't be thinking the stuff I think for this other guy, but I can't help it. I enjoy time with him ,more than I do with my husband. He makes me laugh all the time. We have the same sense of humor. It is just amazing how good I feel around him. He knows I am married and is very respectful and careful, but there have been many instances where I catch him stare at my butt and pretend he wasn't when I turn my head. He picks on me non stop all 8hours we work together and I pick on him back. I feel like a f****** high schooler. He is in his 30s and I am no high schooler, but we giggle at each others jokes etc. etc. it is pretty silly. I feel like I need to be happy so bad that I am completely disrespecting my marriage. Normaly with male coworkers I make sure I always talk about my husband in a positive way so that they know that I am unavailable and happilly married.....but lately the "happilly" part has completely vanished and when I am with this guy I never bring my husband up. I wish I was single so I could get to know him better. My husband gives me the financial stability I want, but that's it. It hasn't even been a year of marriage and I know I made a mistake. I must have. There is no way there would be any space in my brain and heart for other men if I was happilly married.


I like to think that I'm not a bad person. I am just so attracted to my new coworker and the fact that he is super good looking doesn't help either.


Every time I read one of your posts you talk about what a great guy your husband is.

When the hell did all this go down? You have been on this board long enough to know what we are all going to tell you.

Quit your job, get away from this guy and cling to your husband!

Quit being an idiot!! You know what you need to do.
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

I have an amazing sex life??? When did this happen? Am I included in that scene? lol
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

Stay away from him.
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

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I have an amazing sex life??? When did this happen? Am I included in that scene? lol
Sorry I went back and fixed that part before your replied. I had to go and reread your posts. Sorry, but I did not think things were that bad between you and your husband.

Be that as it may. KNOCK THIS SH*T OFF!!!
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:40 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Good_Wife View Post
My heart is not where it's supposed to be. I shouldn't be thinking the stuff I think for this other guy, but I can't help it. I enjoy time with him ,more than I do with my husband. He makes me laugh all the time. We have the same sense of humor. It is just amazing how good I feel around him. He knows I am married and is very respectful and careful, but there have been many instances where I catch him stare at my butt and pretend he wasn't when I turn my head. He picks on me non stop all 8hours we work together and I pick on him back. I feel like a f****** high schooler. He is in his 30s and I am no high schooler, but we giggle at each others jokes etc. etc. it is pretty silly. I feel like I need to be happy so bad that I am completely disrespecting my marriage. Normaly with male coworkers I make sure I always talk about my husband in a positive way so that they know that I am unavailable and happilly married.....but lately the "happilly" part has completely vanished and when I am with this guy I never bring my husband up. I wish I was single so I could get to know him better. My husband gives me the financial stability I want, but that's it. It hasn't even been a year of marriage and I know I made a mistake. I must have. There is no way there would be any space in my brain and heart for other men if I was happilly married.


I like to think that I'm not a bad person. I am just so attracted to my new coworker and the fact that he is super good looking doesn't help either.


You are in an EA. Good people get caught up in EAs. But when good people realize this they do something about it. So as they say the bird is in your hands.

You are not going to like what I am going to tell you.

You have to go NC with this guy. You know what that means.

He is coming between you and your husband. Your are experiencing Dopamine and Oxytocin with this other guy. You both are meeting each others needs. You have already made the leap from inappropriate to the one where you realize you are being less than faithful to your husband.

This is tough love. Been there. You cannot play with this.

You are justifying your actions by saying you are not happily married. You are preparing to cheat or cut your husband loose.

People in happy marriages do fall into EAs because they have weak boundaries. Yes those in less than good marriages are more vulnerable. But whose issue is this to fix? In this logic then anytime a person is attracted to another they are justified because there is something wrong with thier marriage.

That said, you are being unfaithful after only one year. Yikes!!!

All I can say is that you should divorce your husband before you take your relationship with this OM any further. Sounds like this needs to be pretty quick. You probably have found an opportunity to trade up and want to act on it. You have to decide if that makes you good, bad or whatever.
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Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-04-2012 at 03:49 PM.
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:51 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

Wishing you were single? So what is stopping you? Just don't make the split worse by cheating.Your husband deserves at least that much respect.From what you posted you're already on the slippery slope and you're aware of it.So whatever happens from here on will be a clear cut choice on your part.Good luck.
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

You want to destroy your marriage for a temporary fun. What you feel right now will only last for a couple of years. It's not love. If you are to go with the co-worker, in a few years, your feeling to him will be the same as what you feel for your husband now. Then you'll go on to the next guy? Use your brain, instead of your .... (Fill in the blank).
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

So did not read her old threads, but the topics are unsettling for a marriage one year old. So it seems she is not a happy camper.
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:02 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

I'm sorry I don't know what "NC" and "OM" mean..


Quote:
That said, you are being unfaithful after only one year. Yikes!!!
It hasn't even been a year. I am not being unfaithful! I am not acting on my thoughts. Other than the fact that I enjoy my coworkers company at work, I am not doing anything else. As far as the coworker knows I am "unaware" of his desires and I am just being "friendly" with him. I don't complain to him about my husband. I am not directly trying to show him any sexual interest. I do want to rip his shirt off at times, but I also haven't had sex with my husband in 2 weeks so...yeah
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:04 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

You are trying to cake eat by continuing to flirt and have non purely professional only contact with this guy.

You are on the path to very bad things. So what are you going to do about changing course?
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:08 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

Time to change your screen name.
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:08 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

Two weeks without sex and you're lusting after someone else? HOLY!
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:38 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Good_Wife View Post
I'm sorry I don't know what "NC" and "OM" mean..




It hasn't even been a year. I am not being unfaithful! I am not acting on my thoughts. Other than the fact that I enjoy my coworkers company at work, I am not doing anything else. As far as the coworker knows I am "unaware" of his desires and I am just being "friendly" with him. I don't complain to him about my husband. I am not directly trying to show him any sexual interest. I do want to rip his shirt off at times, but I also haven't had sex with my husband in 2 weeks so...yeah
Youre not being Unfaithful????? Sure you are. Youre on a board talking up some random dude you work with and saying how much you'd like to rip off his shirt while betraying your husband.......UNFAITHFUL!

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Old 04-04-2012, 04:44 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Extremely attracted to coworker...am I a bad person?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Good_Wife View Post
I'm sorry I don't know what "NC" and "OM" mean..




It hasn't even been a year. I am not being unfaithful! I am not acting on my thoughts. Other than the fact that I enjoy my coworkers company at work, I am not doing anything else. As far as the coworker knows I am "unaware" of his desires and I am just being "friendly" with him. I don't complain to him about my husband. I am not directly trying to show him any sexual interest. I do want to rip his shirt off at times, but I also haven't had sex with my husband in 2 weeks so...yeah
NC = No Contact

OM = Other Man

Once we get into an EA which I believe you are from your explanation we are acting under the influence of the brain chemicals Dopamine and Oxytocin. Think of Oxytocin as the comfortable chemical. We have this with close friends and relatives. Dopamine is the In Love chemical. This chemcial usually is brought about in large quantity by one person at a time. However it can shift in an unstable state. A confused state.

Anyway, until I went NC and got through withdrawal I was convinced we were just close friends. Once the fog of the chemicals cleared I realized I was wrong. People in EAs generally believe in the erarly stages they are just friends. Then they accept that we love our close friends. This evolves.

My definitions below:

Inappropriate -> Unfaithful -> Cheating.

Inappropriate is taking risks. You are not actively hiding anything. There is no unfaithful thoughts or actions. But you are putting yourself in a gray area.

Unfaithful begins when you are doing or thinking things that your spouse would not consider entirely faithful. Now we hate the thought police of course but it starts when you fantasize about this other person. When we do this we program our future behaviors. We are slowly allowing ourselves to fall in love with another. Our boundaires slide. Trust me this guy knows you are into him. You light up with him. You have started to enter the unfaithful area. To be faithful you would now need to cut this guy out of your life. You cannot play just the tip with this stuff. It is like saying I can quit cocain anytime I want, I just don't want to now. Maybe tomorrow. You already said you were thinking you wished you were single. You are preparing yourself for the next steps. This guy is getting the vibe if you are thinking this.

Do you dress better when you know you will see him? Do you like going to work because he will be there? Do you miss him? You and this guy are bonding .... emotionally which prepares the road for the physical actions.

Anyway, once you are deep into unfaithful which is where you are headed unless you change the momentum somehow the rest is just playing it out.

I am not critisizing you. I am trying to say HEY!!! you are on the edge. Don't take another step. You will fall and hurt your marriage.
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Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-04-2012 at 04:57 PM.
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