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confuse & depress

4K views 37 replies 4 participants last post by  confuse&depress 
#1 ·
I have been with the father of my children for 20 years. high school sweethearts. We have had our ups and downs more downs then ups. We have had our problems such us immaturity, jeoulusy, cheating in the past. I left him four years ago. We were seperated for 7months we were miserable so we moved back in together. My second child was born and now after 4 years and when I thought our realtionship was in a better place. We are back down in our worst time.. I think it is more me because he seems to be acting like nothing is wrong and if we argue it is my fault. The problem now is that he started going out AGAIn and stays out til 1-4 am he doesnt answer his phone when I call and when he comes he acts like he did not do anything wrong he got drunk and slept in the car. This weekend I had a panic attack I feel like something is going on with him He is distant and he doesnt answer his phone anymore. So i decided to calll his job for the very first time. I introduced myself as his wife. He wasnt in the building at the time I called. He called me hours later asking what have i said when i called and I said to speak to him. Then he said "no but you say you were my wife"? and I went off on him tllng him he had no right questioning me why I said I was his wife. We have never gotten married. He told me straight out over the phone. Because you are not. I told him that if I was no more then a roomate to him after 20yrs to get his stuff and leave. Well he has not left and he acts like nothing is wrong. NOW I DNT KNW WHAT TO DO SHOULD I KICK HIM OUT OF MY LIFE AFTER 20YRS. I REALLY DO FEEL LIKE i cant be without him but cant be with him either after what he said. I HAVE THE WORST ANXIETY ATTACKS everymorning eventhough he still here. AND MY HEART IS ACHING i dont know what decision to make.
 
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#27 ·
Oh, something you might want to think about. If this man was coming to kill your children, what would you be able to do then? Think about that for a few minutes.

This whole situation is killing your children's spirits and setting them up for some really challenging times in their future. It's not about you anymore sweetie, if you love your children, you need to put your own wants aside and protect their mental health and well being.

This man wants to take the rent money to go off with his family leaving you and the children on your own with what - the potential of being evicted and homeless while he parties it up in another country. Come on, wake up, please - if not for you, for those kids of yours.
 
#28 ·
You are 100% right. Is now about my kids and not me nor him. They need a happy and stronger mom. This guy has broken her spirit and is time to bring her back. I started my therapy and hopefully I am able to get stronger and pulled away from this abusive, unhappy, unhealthy relationship. THank you for all your advise
 
#32 ·
Now you have time to have a break and start to get your life together for you and your kids. You might want to have all of his stuff packed and in a storage facility, and change the keys. When he comes back, have a key to his storage shed waiting and do not allow him into the house. I know its hard and it hurts, but stay focused on this present moment and when you think of the future, think about it in terms of the opportunities you have to enjoy life with your children.
 
#33 ·
Hi there,
It has been very tough. But trying to make it through. I just want to keep telling myself is really over. He txt me last night saying how he loved me and he will come back to his family. But yet he decided to leave on Saturday when he had all kinds of plans to go out and have his fun. Did not tried to contact me until last night (Sunday) He will be leaving tomorrow to his little fun trip and i am stuck with all the responsibilities the house seems empty and depress. I HOPE I GET THROUGH THIS..
 
#34 ·
You will get through this if you decide to get through this. Write a list of what you deserve that is better than what you are getting now and make yourself a promise to get that from now on. Things for that list that come to mind for me is respect, kindness, being cared for and about, receiving as much as you give.

Then focus on what your children deserve too and make that happen for them. They deserve a strong happy mother who is an example of how to go after what she wants in life that is HEALTHY and nourishing, not this situation that drains you of your very spirit.

You can do it and yet it's hard, the best things in life don't come as easily as we would like them to, but they will come and you can see that when you see your children starting to act happier and healthier as you regain your own health and strength.
 
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