I have been with the father of my children for 20 years. high school sweethearts. We have had our ups and downs more downs then ups. We have had our problems such us immaturity, jeoulusy, cheating in the past. I left him four years ago. We were seperated for 7months we were miserable so we moved back in together. My second child was born and now after 4 years and when I thought our realtionship was in a better place. We are back down in our worst time.. I think it is more me because he seems to be acting like nothing is wrong and if we argue it is my fault. The problem now is that he started going out AGAIn and stays out til 1-4 am he doesnt answer his phone when I call and when he comes he acts like he did not do anything wrong he got drunk and slept in the car. This weekend I had a panic attack I feel like something is going on with him He is distant and he doesnt answer his phone anymore. So i decided to calll his job for the very first time. I introduced myself as his wife. He wasnt in the building at the time I called. He called me hours later asking what have i said when i called and I said to speak to him. Then he said "no but you say you were my wife"? and I went off on him tllng him he had no right questioning me why I said I was his wife. We have never gotten married. He told me straight out over the phone. Because you are not. I told him that if I was no more then a roomate to him after 20yrs to get his stuff and leave. Well he has not left and he acts like nothing is wrong. NOW I DNT KNW WHAT TO DO SHOULD I KICK HIM OUT OF MY LIFE AFTER 20YRS. I REALLY DO FEEL LIKE i cant be without him but cant be with him either after what he said. I HAVE THE WORST ANXIETY ATTACKS everymorning eventhough he still here. AND MY HEART IS ACHING i dont know what decision to make.