04-14-2012, 07:52 AM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: On the cusp of something great!
| | Re: Marriage caused strains
Hey, Stirb, no-one here can tell you WHY your marriage is off to a rocky start. We can give you some educated guesses, but that is all it would be is guessing.
You and your wife need to go to Marriage Counselling IMMEDIATELY. Doesn't mean your marriage is un-fixable, just that you 2 cannot fix it yourselves. The answers you are looking for will be found there.
Some questions to think about:
Was your wife married before? Was it an unhappy marriage? Is she feeling trapped by having said 'I do' (buyers' remorse)? What are her expectations of marriage? What is she wanting/needing that she isn't getting now? Does she fear she isn't going to be able to make your marriage work because her last relationship didn't? Is she overwhelmed by school, motherhood AND a new marriage?
Were YOU married before? What are your expectations of marriage? What do you want/need that you aren't getting now?
PLEASE take this in the supportive way I mean it: referring to your stepson/stepdaughter as "kid" or "the kid" gives the impression that you think the child is just excess baggage that your wife brought along to the marriage. I'm SURE that is not how you feel about the child, but the term "kid" (in relation to a stepchild) has a negative connotation...of no more importance than the dog. This CHILD is another person (with feelings, fears, hopes, dreams) like both of the adults living in this home. The reason your stepson/stepdaughter is acting up is either because he/she sees mom in distress so much or because of general tension in the house.
If you and your wife are in agreement that you want to work on and improve your marriage, then you MUST go to MC and make an honest effort (both of you). If either you or your wife is unwilling to go to MC or is unwilling to make an honest effort at it, then your choices will be limited to:
- continue on in the unsatisfying and mystifying mess you're in now
- cut your losses and get a divorce.