stirb

Hi, I have been with my wife for 5 years now, 4 and a half of which were unmarried. Before marriage we got along fine and had no major problems, we faught but nothing serious. But after marriage we seem to fight over EVERYTHING. I get upset easily and so does she, every joke, every comment, and every aciton she has to go to the bedroom and be upset. I believe we been together for so long because we have such a strong sense of humor we share but now its like I cant say anything to her without her getting upset. She is a stay at home mom going to school, all her choice, I work all day and help around the house everyday still. I have tried talking to her about these problems and told her I was thinking about divorce but everytime I talk to get she just either doesnt listen or agrees with me or crys till I stop. So I wish we could work things out but she never trys to argue with me or throw her two cents in so I know how she feels or why she is acting this way. We dont have sex anymore, kid is always acting up now, when at home we never talk unless its to yell at each other. Simple questions such as what do you want for dinner can turn into a fight, its just soooooooooooo tiring and dont want to live this way anymore.

Why did marriage do this?

SlowlyGettingWiser

Hey, Stirb, no-one here can tell you WHY your marriage is off to a rocky start. We can give you some educated guesses, but that is all it would be is guessing.

You and your wife need to go to Marriage Counselling IMMEDIATELY. Doesn't mean your marriage is un-fixable, just that you 2 cannot fix it yourselves. The answers you are looking for will be found there.

Some questions to think about:
Was your wife married before? Was it an unhappy marriage? Is she feeling trapped by having said 'I do' (buyers' remorse)? What are her expectations of marriage? What is she wanting/needing that she isn't getting now? Does she fear she isn't going to be able to make your marriage work because her last relationship didn't? Is she overwhelmed by school, motherhood AND a new marriage?

Were YOU married before? What are your expectations of marriage? What do you want/need that you aren't getting now?

PLEASE take this in the supportive way I mean it: referring to your stepson/stepdaughter as "kid" or "the kid" gives the impression that you think the child is just excess baggage that your wife brought along to the marriage. I'm SURE that is not how you feel about the child, but the term "kid" (in relation to a stepchild) has a negative connotation...of no more importance than the dog. This CHILD is another person (with feelings, fears, hopes, dreams) like both of the adults living in this home. The reason your stepson/stepdaughter is acting up is either because he/she sees mom in distress so much or because of general tension in the house.

If you and your wife are in agreement that you want to work on and improve your marriage, then you MUST go to MC and make an honest effort (both of you). If either you or your wife is unwilling to go to MC or is unwilling to make an honest effort at it, then your choices will be limited to:

- continue on in the unsatisfying and mystifying mess you're in now
- cut your losses and get a divorce.