MLN

My husband and I were married only 6 months when everything fell apart. We had been dating 4 years prior to our marriage (i'm in my 20s, he's close to 40), we had ups and downs but I thought we would make it. One night he came home, and was acting very strange. He seemed to be on drugs so I went through his phone to try to figure out where he had been. Instead I found tons of naked pictures, graphic tests, texts about meeting other women. I told him I wanted a divorce and he attacked me. He choked me and starting hitting me, he tackled me to the floor. I escaped and ran. The next day he had zero recollection of it (he says). Over the next month it became apparent that the strange behavior was because of heroin addiction. He continued to bring the drug into the apartment we shared despite my pleading with him not to. He crashed our car several times while high. I also found he was meeting up with women while we were married and quite a few before we ever got married. Now of course, he is begging and pleading for our marriage. says he'd never cheat again, doesn't want to do drugs. blah blah blah. I do love the man i thought he was, but it feels like it was all a lie. We are both professionals with great careers and I fear his behavior could damage me professionally as well. I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for, I have filed for divorce. We have no children, no mortgage, some debt but nothing i can't handle alone. Why do i feel so guilty leaving someone that could do this to me? its not like i dont think i deserve better, i know i do, but he's making me feel like i'm just giving up on him. i believe in marriage, but this seems a little much after 6 months...

Toffer

You need to remove yourself from that dangerous situation NOW

Then you need to try and figure out your next steps. It could be something conditional like he must be clean for the next six months for you to even consider staying with him (tell him he has to get into a program right now)

You can get drug tests on line to test him yourself for herion use after he finishes a treatment program

That said, your first step is to remove yourself from harm's way

thankfulone

He's doing heroin and you feel guilty? Hell naw... get out now. Heroin, cocaine use is serious stuff. On top of that, he choked you. RUN>>>>>>>!!!!!

MLN

Thank you. It's helpful to have an outside voice of reason, even if its online. I have filed, I actually tried to get him removed from my home but the police wouldn't since we are legally still married. Nice right? It's hard sometimes when he's acting like the person i THOUGHT i married. I do feel guilty when he cries and begs forgiveness. But i guess he didn't feel guilty when he was cheating on me, so, I should get over that feeling.

CH

File assault charges against him, if you still have the bruises and such from the attack show them to the police. He could have easily killed you that night if he really was on drugs and can't even remember anything.

grenville

Firstly, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Hell, even if you'd dumped all his stuff on the street, changed the locks and paid someone to break his legs you still wouldn't have anything to feel guilty about. The guy tried to strangle you for heavens sake!

Of course, that doesn't help since you do feel guilty. I think it's a natural human inclination, for nice people at least, to want to protect and help those that they see as vulnerable or somehow dependent on them. I'd say the guilt you're feeling is akin to the guilt I felt when I had to have my dog put to sleep. That may sound harsh, but I think it's accurate.