Jackson300

OK folks,,,,, struggling here. Been married 25 years. Have great 11 year old son. There has been NO intimacy whatsoever in well over THREE years ,,,,, and it was rare in the years before that. It occurred to me in the Fall of 2010 after her dad passed and I comforted her and said "I love you," when she responded, "Yeah, ok," that she HAS NOT tol me that she loves me in over TWENTY years!. Last August (2011) we had a confrontation of this issue (Yes communication IS a problem) and she confirmed that she does not love me.

Ive been struggling for nearly a year with this and have sought counsel. I love my son and was scared to be away from him and hurt him in any way.

Recently I have found a place to move to that is close and where my son could be with me half the time (already agreed to) and i need to make the decision. Ive recently had a chat with him about it and he actually knows things are wrong (kids aren't stupid). He told me that it would be "cool" to live with me part of the time in a condo. I think he understands.

The problem is that now that I'm near a decision to move on and live (and there is someone of interest that I would "date") I'm petrified to do it. It makes me nauseous to think that I won't be home.

I know that if I elect to stay that you can not MAKE someone love you never mind be intimate (and she states that she is DONE with that stuff). I just feel I still love her and can't bear to be away from my son half the time.

The "interested" woman who is lovely and could be someone that would make life happier will NOT be around forever. Am I a fool? Should I stay or should I go???? Thanks!!

Thor

I cannot make the decision for you. But I think you will be happier if you leave.

Honestly your wife is never ever going to change. Whatever the underlying cause of her aversion to sex and her lack of emotions towards you, she is not going to change. So your choice is to leave now and make a better life or to wait another 10 years and then leave to make a better life. You might as well have those 10 years being happy rather than being miserable in your current situation.

It is fine and normal that you care for your wife's well being, but you should care for your own well being even more. I bet, too, that the time you spend with your son will be much better than the current situation, so ultimately you and he will be happier with the new arrangement rather than the dysfunctional home you have now.

Along with moving on, you should continue your therapy so you can avoid picking the wrong woman again.