Girlygirl, no one at a crisis center is going to laugh at you. Abuse in relationships can vary from just one hit to a pattern of abuse (like your husband when he chokes you). We've told you here that your situation is dire. We're not joking, and a crisis shelter won't be, either. You need out.
Your husband made you end contact with the friend who got you out? That's no surprise. Refer to my earlier post to see how this fits into the pattern of an abuser.
And sweetheart, I know how strongly you value marriage. You value the promise that you were making for life. Plenty of us here made the same promise. But the "to death do you part" did not include letting him degrade, abuse, and potentially kill you. Because yes ... your situation can very well end in your death.
A bright young woman with her future ahead of her is now dead. Her death might have been prevented if people had taken the choking more seriously.
Girlygirl, I don't want you to become another story that I end up quoting in a forum in order to help a woman escape an abusive relationship. I want you to become the strong, successful woman that I know you can be. Please get help and get out.
Girlygirl, she just wrote pretty much what I was going to write. The LAST people to think/say you are weak are the people at the Women's Shelter. They would never make you feel bad. They will only support you and help you. Just call. See what they say. Most people, including your 'friends' and maybe even family and people at work will just say, "buck up, it's not that bad", or "If you really wanted out, you'd just leave". Well you know it's not that easy! There is rampant denial about domestic violence. Women are still thought of as second class citizens. Even a lot of women think it, tho they don't know it.
You are in the Cycle of Abuse. That's what it's called. It's a real thing. And I am alarmed that he made you delete your friend. Not surprised but alarmed. It was inevitable. Tell me, when you got married did he move you away from your family? Does he ever let your friends come over and hang out? Does he let you go out and hang out with your friends? All that is part of the cycle. He is isolating you from your support. He has already started to make you feel worthless, insecure, scared... The only way this will stop is for you to leave. Secretly leave. The incidence of women getting killed is when they try and leave and when they are pregnant. No ****. Pregnant. He'll kill you both.
Please please please please just call. Just call.
And let me just say, you are not worthless or stupid or 'too emotional' or mouthy (you should hear me, I'm usually one of those 'mouthy friends' who my friends husbands hate because I won't stand still for any kind of boorish behavior.) If I were there I'd snatch you and your dog up out of that house. Of course it won't work until you are ready. DON'T believe his bullshi* and trust me, it's all bullshi*.
Read those articles SabrinaBlue posted. Google: wife killed by husband, or something similar. IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY.
Please call, Girlygirl. Just to ask them some questions.
There a many safe shelters for women in Alabama. Don't let the 'homeless' ones throw you off. There are homeless shelters for women and also ones for women who are in your same situation. You said earlier you thought maybe they would think that it's not a common thing to happen, to be in an abusive relationship. But it is VERY common! Most people don't believe how common it is. One in every 3-4 (depending which stat you read) women has been abused/hit by her partner. ONE out of every 4. It doesn't mean they are in the same situation you are in, but 1 out of every 4 women have been abused by her partner. That is a shocking statistic. Abuse doesn't always mean being hit. Verbal abuse is just as bad.
I don't mean to be nosey Girlygirl, I'm just curious what kind of work do you do? You don't have to tell me tho. ) Also can I make (another suggestion?
Change or add to your name Girlygirl. Someone mentioned you should act like a Lioness, Strong, gentle, fearless, cunning, nurturing, maybe you can use something with lioness. It will start to help you feel something other than a Girlygirl. You are a beautiful grown women. Young, still, but grown. Embrace that.... and take care of yourself and your doggy.
Thanks. I have two jobs actually, I am a loan assistant at a bank, and I work as a server at Carrabbas
. Of course my husband hates me waitressing because he thinks it is a bad environment. I only started working there because I lost my previous job, an I needed something to get me by. Thankfully for it though, because that's where I have a manager who has me a job somewhere else. My husband is actually making me quit it because it is apparently the main reason out marriage is failing, because I guess Carrabbas has changed me. And maybe it has, I started dating him.when I was 19 so I didn't know a whole lot. Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks. I have two jobs actually, I am a loan assistant at a bank, and I work as a server at Carrabbas
. Of course my husband hates me waitressing because he thinks it is a bad environment. I only started working there because I lost my previous job, an I needed something to get me by. Thankfully for it though, because that's where I have a manager who has me a job somewhere else. My husband is actually making me quit it because it is apparently the main reason out marriage is failing, because I guess Carrabbas has changed me. And maybe it has, I started dating him.when I was 19 so I didn't know a whole lot. Posted via Mobile Device
Why are you allowing your husband to push your around ... "making" you quit your job? You are the only one who can give him the power to make you do anything. And you are giving it to him willingly. At some point you are no longer a victim but instead a willing participant in your own abuse. When you come to realize this you might, just might, get the guts to do what you have to do to save get away from him.
How long do you think it will be before he finds out about this site and 'makes' you stop posting here?
How long do you think it will before he chokes you and kills you... or makes you brain dead?
Please call an abused woman's center. They will not laugh at you or look down on you. You are behaving link most abused women do before they come to their senses. The people who work at those places have seen women (and even men) who are mentally stuck in the same way you are.. they see it all day long, day after day.
So go get the help you need.
I understand that your husband’s crying and acting out make you feel responsible and feel sorry for him. But that’s not love… that’s enabling him to be the worse person he can be. By your staying and you allowing him to hurt you physically and mentally you are encouraging him to continue his abusive actions. He needs to learn to not do this and to get the help he needs. He’s a deeply troubled person. So leave and let him learn the lessons he needs to learn.
And let him grow.. he might just learn that mistreating someone and trying to control them will drive them away. Right now you are teaching him that if he increases his control and abuse that you will stay. So of course he’s going to increase it to keep you.
The job isn't changing you, it's threatening him. People, men in particular, not him, are seeing you and talking to you. He can't control you when you work at a place like that. He'll probably eventually make you quit your other job too, especially if he thinks you are telling anyone there your problems or there are men you can befriend. Your husbands entire goal is to control you, take away your power, make you a slave.
You keep your jobs. You keep your friends. I know, tho, he will threaten, scare and manipulate you into quitting them. And then get rid of all your friends, and then keep you away from your family. Don't think you are weak for giving in, giving in keeps you safe. It's not the right thing, nor the best thing but if you keep doing what he wants, you are enabling him. The only way to make it go away is to leave. You will know when it's time. Your fear will kick in and you will go. (My sis got mad at me for saying that b/c she, as do we all, think you should leave sooner than later) But in reality, you won't go till you are ready. Remember, fear is actually your friend. If it tells you to do something, you do it, it'll keep you safer. Go to the library and look up a book called, _The Gift of Fear_. I think my sister mentioned it before. All women should read it.
Take care of your self, you Lioness you! And your doggy.
GG :) They work by isolating you and making you dependent. Like making you erase those people from your facebook and not see them so you don't have a support system and a reality check. By trying to get you to quit your jobs, so you have no money and no reason to leave the house. This is terribly rude of me to ask or mention, I suppose, but men like your husband will often sabotage birth control so that the wife will get pregnant and have to stay.
You're a generous and sensitive person, but you're poison for him, he's never going to get the help he needs with you there. If you're there he's going to continue down this road, that almost inevitably will lead to murder. Number one sign that a woman will be murdered by her husband is him threatening to do it. If you get out of there maybe his family can get him some help, maybe the cops might help him, but there's no way he'll let them if you're still there.
Your strength and sensitivity needs to be used somewhere it will help others, and I bet if you get to a women's shelter, or even just start talking to a women's crisis line, you'll start volunteering for one. For some reason you just seem like one that will do that :) You'll know how hard it was, how little you feel it was he did to you, that it didn't happen often or enough to be 'real' but it did. You'll be able to help so many people.
This may sound like I'm trying to manipulate you, but I'm really not, I'm trying hard not to actually :) But I'm trying to hit on that thing that helps, that thing that makes you go, ok, yes, that's right, this is the time. And I know I can't do that *for* you, but maybe if I keep telling you things... I keep pushing and that annoys my sister :) But we are here for you, and if we were anywhere near... damn, wish we were :)
Give that dog a hug for me. My sister and I are very much dog people and we know you had to go back for the dog, of course we do. We'd walk into a burning building for a dog we didn't know :)
I wish you all the luck I can scrounge up! And all the strength I can send!
Am thinking about you, Girlygirl, and pulling for you to make it. I just got out to another state and I am SO HAPPY and SO RELIEVED. I KNOW I can make it....and YOU CAN, TOO.
Neat, so now he is cutting you off from all of your outlets the longer you stay there.
What is next? Your family is a bad influence on you?
You do see the sooner you get out the better or you are literally going to be trapped mentally and physically. He is working daily to cut you out of everyone's life that cares about you so that he is the only one you can look to.
Pretty soon he is going to find out about this place and you will lose this too. I guarantee it.
This guy is an insecure, little man. His has no self worth and tries to control you because deep down he knows he is a piece of crap that doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as you.
This is to the point of, What is more important to you?
This is the guy who writes the software that assess threats to the Supreme Court and I think the President, not sure, but he's way high up there. He and his people also protect celebrities and other such people from stalkers and he tries to help as many people (mostly women) in these awful situations that he can. He wrote a book called Gift of Fear that's about how to deal with being threatened, and in a way, being a woman. One of his big things is Trust your Instincts! If you think the guy is creepy, get away now! Anyway, might help someone somewhere. I hope Girlygirl is safe where ever she is.
Hi GG, how are you going??? Unfortunately us here sitting on the other side of the computer screen can see the classic steps your husband is taking to further control you. Please let us know you are ok.
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) Also can I make (another
suggestion? 
