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Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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Old 04-20-2012, 01:13 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question To leave or not to leave

My husband is very OCD and controlling. We have lived in Oklahoma three years and I am tired, not only of the state, but also of being under his thumb. I am originally from Louisiana and I agreed to move with him b/c of a better paying job for him; that worked for a little while, but I feel like if I spend one more day in OK, I will go crazy! I have asked him to compromise and move to Louisiana with me, so that we could remain married and raise our daughter together, with the love and support of my family and our friends. The only family we have that lives near us in OK is my mother-in-law, who is 10 minutes away, but she is sick, so there's not a lot of "togetherness" like is experienced in Louisiana. My husband threatens divorce if I choose to uproot and move south to be by my family. What should I do? I can't stand all of the verbal, mental, and emotional abuse anymore but, at the same time, I want my daughter to see her father. Please help! Any advice will be appreciated.
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Old 04-20-2012, 01:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: To leave or not to leave

Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedinOK View Post
My husband is very OCD and controlling. We have lived in Oklahoma three years and I am tired, not only of the state, but also of being under his thumb. I am originally from Louisiana and I agreed to move with him b/c of a better paying job for him; that worked for a little while, but I feel like if I spend one more day in OK, I will go crazy! I have asked him to compromise and move to Louisiana with me, so that we could remain married and raise our daughter together, with the love and support of my family and our friends. The only family we have that lives near us in OK is my mother-in-law, who is 10 minutes away, but she is sick, so there's not a lot of "togetherness" like is experienced in Louisiana. My husband threatens divorce if I choose to uproot and move south to be by my family. What should I do? I can't stand all of the verbal, mental, and emotional abuse anymore but, at the same time, I want my daughter to see her father. Please help! Any advice will be appreciated.
It must be hard living with someone like that. You speak negatively of your husband, do you even want to be with him any more?

In his defense, I am thinking if you want to live in Louisiana and he wants to live in Oklahoma, offering to live in Louisiana is not really a compromise, is it?

Does he understand why OK is not making you happy? Is there any way you can discuss between the two of you what you need in a place to live and decide together on a location? Instead of being against each other, maybe it would be a fun exercise to work together.
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Old 04-20-2012, 01:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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you seem to have to major problems, your husband controlling and you not being happy in that city (been there) i really don't think its the city or the state whatever,,,it's your husband!! you don't seem happy therefore everything you see it negatively. i tell you this cus I'm living it! and I realized that if my husband were diferent I could be happy anywhere in the world with him! just like I thought it would be when we were dating and he was promising to make me happy!!! mine is very controlling and short tempered which makes me very unhappy and we live in Houston by ourselves, with no family and just a few friends ...it can be very overwhelming, but your main priority is your family and mainly your daughter....as the years went by, I came to realize I had no promising future where my original hometown is and it was not much better for my son either, I visit all the time and i enjoy it but my we have better jobs over here and we're able to provide our son a better education. my poin is, once you talk to him about his controlling and what you don't like and what he doesn't like, etc. etc. you'll be able to talk about the moving and come to an agreement, then if he doesn't cooperate and is still making you unhappy, then leave!! cus it takes two to work out a marriage and there might be more important decisions along the way that you need to be on the same page and this is just the beggining!
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Old 04-20-2012, 02:23 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Wait a second.....A compromise is to move back to YOUR state? No sweetheart, a compromise would be to move to a neutral state!
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Old 04-22-2012, 02:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Thanks to you all for your replies; it is comforting to see that one of you is going through a similar situation as I am. I have explained to my husband the reasons why I do not like OK. Yes, I understand that asking him to move to MY state is not really a compromise, and I have suggested other middle grounds or "neutral states" such as Texarkana, Shreveport, etc., places that are right smack dab in the middle of both of our families, and he will have none of it. It's either HIS way (living in OK with him being happy and me being miserable) or the highway, so to speak; therefore, as you can see, I am back at the starting gate again.
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: To leave or not to leave

You want to leave him because he abuses you.

You want to leave him because you want to get out from under his thumb.

You want to leave him because you don't like Oklahoma.

You want to leave him because you want to be near your family and friends.

You don't leave because he threatens divorce, but you want a divorce because he is abusive, you want to get out from under his controlling thumb, you don't like Oklahoma, and you want to be near your family and friends.

I don't understand the problem here.
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