Divorcing a mentally unstable wife? - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

User Tag List

  • 1 Post By arbitrator
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-22-2012, 12:03 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 4
Divorcing a mentally unstable wife?

Hi all,

As the thread's title explains, I'm looking for advice on the best way to tell my wife that I want a divorce. She has numerous mental health issues including: anger problems; OCD; hearing voices/seeing visions of causing me serious physical harm; seeing hallucinations. Last year, she has also hit me on two different occasions. I have been trying to hold our marriage together for almost two years and have gone with her to many different medical appointments, but I simply can't take it anymore. What makes things harder is that my wife has been somewhat better over the past three months, clearly loves me and will quite possibly want to end her life when she finds out my intentions (she has attempted suicide in her past). She is distraught with herself for hurting me in the past and will blame herself for everything. Unfortunately, I can't keep 'taking her back' and pretending everything's ok. I feel that a line had been crossed when she hit me, and for my own health, safety, and sanity I must leave. My question is how?

Talking with her alone is out of the question as I fear that she might seek to harm herself, and perhaps me too. Because of this, I've planned to tell her next week when she's visiting her family for a couple of days: this way she'll have a network of support around her who can help care for her. I planned on telling her over the phone/Skype, but fear this may not be best for her. I've been advised that I could turn up at her parents' house, tell her, and then leave with a friend, but I think this will seem just as out of the blue and shocking to her as talking on the phone. Moreover, her parents are conservative Christians and view divorce as a cardinal sin: I imagine they'll be unhelpful at best and confrontational at worst.

Any advice will be gladly received.

Spike87 is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-22-2012, 12:25 PM
Forum Supporter
arbitrator's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,512
Re: Divorcing a mentally unstable wife?

Spike: You're squarely between the proverbial "rock and a hard place." I know that you may have visited with her psychologists and psychiatrists on her earlier visits, but I'd be interested to hear what they might say. It probably would be a good investment to see an IC and also get some valuable input from them.

And if you're involved in a Church, I think that your pastor could give you some sound advice on this. But right now, I'd greatly want to know the opinions of her doctors.

My primary concern now is that there's some question regarding your very own personal health and safety. And I think that that would be a great angle to approach her doctors, as well as your pastor with. You'll remain in my prayers. I wish you well, my friend!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
arbitrator is online now  
post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-22-2012, 02:16 PM
Runs like Dog's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Redneckistan
Posts: 10,051
Re: Divorcing a mentally unstable wife?

Is a 5150 out of consideration?

Is there such thing as insanity among penguins? - Werner Herzog
Runs like Dog is offline  
post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-22-2012, 02:29 PM
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 524
Re: Divorcing a mentally unstable wife?

You need to talk with her doctor/psyche therapist about the best way to do this. Don't take matters in your own hands. You are not equipped and neither is anyone on this board. She needs medication for her existing illnesses. A doc might decide it best to up her meds for something like this.
River1977 is offline  
post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-23-2012, 09:53 AM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: down south
Posts: 70
Re: Divorcing a mentally unstable wife?

Yes, I'd definitely do this with the help of her doctor(s). Maybe you could arrange to tell her with her psychologist (if she has one, I am assuming she does) present so they can help her after the fact.
luckycardinal is offline  
post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-23-2012, 09:54 AM
Jellybeans's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 20,606
Re: Divorcing a mentally unstable wife?

You leave the same way anyone else does: get your stuff to gether and move out (if you're moving out). Or file for divorce and have her served. That's it. Tell her it's over and you're not interested in reconciliahion.
Jellybeans is offline  
post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-23-2012, 10:04 AM
This is me's Avatar
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,565
Re: Divorcing a mentally unstable wife?

Is there no possible cures for her issues? If not, consider this. A mental illness is just another illness. If she had cancer would you divorce her?

I do understand that your safety is important, but have you explored all possiblities before divorcing?

I see many people jump to divorce with Mid Life Crisis spouses and they eventually come out of the mental fog. Your situation sounds much more extreme.

I wish you well.
This is me is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Angry and unstable wife habigh Physical & Mental Health Issues 33 06-18-2016 03:35 PM
I am thinking of divorcing my wife Davalarie General Relationship Discussion 4 03-02-2013 04:40 PM
How to live with an angry/unstable wife Steve_from_Devon General Relationship Discussion 7 09-07-2011 09:20 AM
Wife of 30 years is divorcing me Notaclue Going Through Divorce or Separation 356 03-09-2010 05:56 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome