Lost in my Mind

TheLoveInside748 · 04-28-2012, 04:24 PM

I need some advice. Please dont be mean. Ive had enough in the past years to last me a lifetime, but please the truth. Especially if you have been where i am.

My husband and i have been separated for 2 yrs now. After about 6 months of his being gone we decided to reconcile and move back in together. During the first 6 months of separation, he was seeing someone. He left her and came back to me. Needless to say it didnt work out with he and i and he left again and went back to her. At the time he left the second time, i found out i was pregnant with now our 3rd child. For the time i was pregnant to now he and i have fought and come to conclusion for divorce but with either of us really willing to go and file. Each of us dont want the divorce but feel sometimes its just too hard to have what we had or better. I found out that after i had my 3rd child, he found out he had gotten this woman pregnant. He told me that he begged her not to have it and seems to be generally upset about it. He and i have been talking to reconcile for months now and to move on but now i feel stuck. I know that he has to keep her in his life for the sake of this child(this child does deserve BOTH its parents. I was raised with only one) but then again, i have the thought who says he wont go back to her? or cheat behind my back? or anything else? I do want him back and i do truly believe he needs to be there for that child and of course mine. But how can this situation be equal and civil?

EleGirl · 04-28-2012, 04:37 PM

Now why would anyone be mean to you? No one will be.

Your attitude towards his relationship with the OW’s child shows that you are a very good/decent person. You are far more decent than your husband and the OW are, that’s for sure.
Your husband needs a wakeup call.
However, you have to think of your children first. It’s very likely that she will file for child support. So she will be getting a portion of your husband’s pay check for the next 18 years. That is taking money away that is needed for your children.

There is a high probability that your husband will end up with the OW and/or leave you for good.

You would do best to file for divorce and ask your attorney to file for child and spousal support NOW. This will establish your and your children’s rights above the rights of the OW and her child. Doing this can reduce the amount of support he has to pay the OW since he will already be tapped out to the children he has with you.
You really do need to allow the OW to worry about her own child. And you worry about your own child.
Keep in mind that a divorce can be called off any time before its final. By filing for divorce you will be letting him know that you are serious about wanting him to stop all no-child related contact with the OW. Right now he has very little reason to end his affair. He has both you and the OW. He’s a lucky man… two woman who want him.
So I’d advise that you file for divorce, file for interim child and spousal support. Then tell him that if he ends all contact with the OW and agrees to move back in with you and work on your marriage you will consider ending the divorce action after, say 6 months of the two of you working on your marriage. Until he agrees to come back under these conditions, treat him according to the 180. Let him know what he is asking for with his affair and disrespect of you.

When the other child is born he needs to a paternity test. She’s a woman who sleeps around, your husband might not be the father of this child. If it does turn out that it’s his child, he should sue for 50% custody if you are up to raising this child half the time. This is done more often than you might think.

livelaughlovenow · 04-28-2012, 05:12 PM

I wish I had some advice but I do not. Personally I wouldn't take him back, in my mind he wasn't too concerned with reconciling that he had time to get this woman preggo and he has gone back to her more than once....nope not for me, but that being said I can see why you are lost in your mind because you do want him back.
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