The law is designed to keep the population in order and protect the victims.
A 13 year old boy fingering a 27 year old woman is far from a victim. It's not appropriate, but it's very different than child molestation.
Enforcing the law in this case may cause more harm to individuals than it may benefit them. The law doesn't care about particular situations. It's a broad brush that is used to keep things under control. And it's not perfect.
A law that cannot distinguish between this particular case and a 7 year old girl getting molested by a 40 year old is actually quite pathetic. If that makes me a criminal, so be it. I don't submit to a a law that states a 27 year old woman allowing a 13 year old to finger her is a "child molester"! That's stupid.
My sister was screwing men in their 30s when she was 12 and 13. She wanted to. Does that make it less offensive bcause she doesn't feel molested? She still doesn't feel molested. She got things for it...smokes, beer, pot. Should my stepmom ignored it when she found out because my sister didn't "feel" molested?
Why have laws at all then.
Not my point really.
Exposing his wife as a pedophile doesn`t seem to be what the OP wants nor does it seem to be the crux of his problems.
From his OP exposing in that way seems likely to do more harm than good for him.
At the age of 13, I recall wanting sex very badly...but it would have been wrong for a grown man, say 20's to take advantage of that, no matter how much I may have wanted it.
And a 27 year old woman is not a girl.
My comments were/are based on assuming what the OP wrote is accurate of the facts: "He had been pressing her for Sexual activity as any 13 year old boy would. Apparently she let him finger her about 4 different times throughout last summer. She said she had been drinking coolers at the time and wasn't thinking clearly."
I see this as the boy made multiple unsuccessful attempts to get some kind of sexual contact with her before she agreed. The only contact was him touching her. She blames part of her poor decision on being intoxicated.
Based on this information, the boy was the pursuer all along. She was wrong to let it happen even once, but she was not the pursuer, and she did not do it for her own sexual gratification. To me that is a huge difference than sex abuse with a pre-pubescent child who does not understand sexuality in any way, with the pursuer being an adult, and the purpose is the sexual gratification of the adult.
I am not approving of what happened at all. But based only on the short description by the OP the boy has not suffered emotional trauma nor has his life been ruined by these 4 events.
If she is turned in to the police, though, a legal firestorm is going to come down on her and her family, plus the boy is going to get dragged into the mayhem. There is going to be enormous grief dumped onto everybody involved. The lives of everyone involved are going to be forever stained, ruined, or damaged.
So far it appears to me that the likely devastation the legal system (not a justice system) would impose is far out of balance with the alleged crime.
My wife was sexually abused at an early age, and so I am far too familiar with how CSA can destroy the life of the victim and also do great damage to the lives of the victim's spouse and children. If I were to know the name of the perp, and if he were still alive, I would endeavor to visit holy Hell upon him to the greatest possible extent.
I just don't see this woman being in anywhere near the same category as a predatory child sex abuser who targets young children for his/her own sexual pleasure.
Thank everyone for their candid replies. It's nice to see a diverse set of point of views. Her reasons for not telling me are: she ain't want to loose me, and she put it in the back of her head in an attempt to forget about it. She doesn't remember any other details about the situations, I asked many questions to which she doesn't remember. I also called her out on the fact two coolers will not make someone drunk or even tipsy enough to impede their judgement. There is more than is being said.
I know what I have to do now, as painful (but not painful due to the situation) as may be, I just can't see myself with her anymore. Thanks again for all the replies.
She doesn't remember any other details about the situations, I asked many questions to which she doesn't remember. I also called her out on the fact two coolers will not make someone drunk or even tipsy enough to impede their judgement. There is more than is being said.
As was pointed out, we only have HER word for how far things actually went. And NOW she 'doesn't remember.'
If she did, in fact, have ONLY TWO coolers, then she remembers damned well what happened and doesn't want to say.
If she had more than TWO coolers, she may not actually remember what happened, and it could be a lot more than just 'fingering' (which is BAD enough in itself.)
Still hope you're going to notify the authorities OR, at least, this boy's parents!
Most of you seem to have absolutely no clue how a 13 year old boy thinks
I'm not surprised. Adults forget their teens and childhood quite easily.
I don't condone the girl's actions, but to call her a child molester is not necessary.
Depending on the boy's general demeanor and the girl's level of confidence, the situation may be very different than what you have in mind. She may very well not be the violator rather the victim here.
Stop drawing an evil picture of people based on a few paragraphs. I was 13 myself once and if I had things my way, there would be lots of 20-something girls that would have had my fingers in their holes
I remember quite clearly, as a 13 year old boy, being fascinated and horny for females BECAUSE I WAS GOING THROUGH PUBERTY. I also wanted to experience some vagina when I was that age, doesn't mean it was in my best interest to have a sexual experience with an adult. Just because a child wants something doesn't negate the moral and legal duty of an adult to ensure his best well-being.
Nor does a 13 year old have the prowess to pursue a mature woman - this to me simply indicates that the OP's fiance has the same maturity and moral sense of duty as a child. For this 27 year old woman to take it upon herself to personally educate this boy on the female sex is child abuse.
and why is this so hard to realize that 13 year olds whether male or female are not old enough to consent to having sex in the US
therefore it is rape, even if he asked for it
I don't argue the letter of the law on this one. But the letter of the law isn't necessarily morally correct, nor is unleashing the full fury of the legal system always the best course of action.
If a 17 yr old boy has consensual sex with a 15 yr old girl it is legal. The next day is the boy's 18th birthday and they again have consensual sex. She is still 15 yrs old. The 3rd day is the girl's 16th birthday, and once again they have consensual sex.
On the first and third days, it was legal sex. On the middle day it was statutory rape because he was over 18 and she was under 16. There have been cases like this. The 18 yr old is now a convicted rapist, a lifelong felon, and forever a registered sex offender.
I see the OP situation as being where the fury of the legal system will create far more damage to everybody, including the boy, than the original escapades did.