where the fury of the legal system will create far more damage to everybody, including the boy, than the original escapades did.
1. FIRST she puts the most innocuous 'spin' on it she could..."he touched me, I never touched him"
2. THEN, after more probing by OP, fiancee creates a NEW 'spin'..."I don't remember" exactly what happened
Could they have had sexual intercourse? Damned straight they could have. Would THAT be OKAY? Even though he was 13 yo?
THIS is NOT an escapade! That's what I would call a 13yo 'fingering' another 13yo. This is AT BEST 'unlawful sexual contact with a minor' (if just 'fingering') and AT WORST 'statutory rape' (if anything more).
I don't care about 'the minds of 13 year old boys'
there's a lot of girls that age who THINK they are mature and sexual and know what the hell they are doing
they don't
Hey, 12 year old boys would probably love to finger every 27 year old female. They'd also love to get drunk, drive, run away from home to join rock bands, never go to school, subsist on ice cream, and never go to sleep. This is why God made adults and this is why the State requires more from adults than goofy kids. This is why we have felony laws prohibiting sexual contact between adults and children. This is why adults get into topless bars and kids can't. I know what goes through the minds of 13 year olds....foolishness. A child's goofy idea isn't an excuse for an adult's decision to commit a major felony.
1. FIRST she puts the most innocuous 'spin' on it she could..."he touched me, I never touched him"
2. THEN, after more probing by OP, fiancee creates a NEW 'spin'..."I don't remember" exactly what happened
Could they have had sexual intercourse? Damned straight they could have. Would THAT be OKAY? Even though he was 13 yo?
THIS is NOT an escapade! That's what I would call a 13yo 'fingering' another 13yo. This is AT BEST 'unlawful sexual contact with a minor' (if just 'fingering') and AT WORST 'statutory rape' (if anything more).
If there is more to the story than given, I agree it is not an escapade. Could they have had intercourse? Yes, sure, but we have not been told that. People are jumping to all kinds of conclusions on the nature or extent of what happened, when all we have been told is that the boy pursued the woman, and he fingered her 4 times. People are calling for her to be crushed by the law and for the boy to be subjected to the hell of the investigative process and public scrutiny simply because it is the letter of the law.
Imagine it is exactly as told to us. How much psychological damage has been done to him if the events were exactly as stated by the OP? Would it be wise to subject the boy to the questioning and the pressures of the prosecutorial investigation? Would it be wise to subject the boy to the ridicule and harassment he would likely be subjected to by his school mates and friends? How much damage would be done to him by the system if she is prosecuted?
It is suspicious that she doesn't remember. If there is more to the story, I think the boy's parents should be notified, and they should have the decision on notifying authorities based on the facts and circumstances.
I don't think I'd report her,but I would tell her to get therapy to see how she could have done this. She's 28 and still lives with her parents. Is she socially awkward and naive?
I wouldn't marry her. It sounds like you haven't been with her long and you do not want someone with her horrible judgement in your life.
Break the engagement and tell her parents tonak her why.
I also doubt he stopped at fingering her. She did something in return. Posted via Mobile Device
I don't argue the letter of the law on this one. But the letter of the law isn't necessarily morally correct, nor is unleashing the full fury of the legal system always the best course of action.
If a 17 yr old boy has consensual sex with a 15 yr old girl it is legal. The next day is the boy's 18th birthday and they again have consensual sex. She is still 15 yrs old. The 3rd day is the girl's 16th birthday, and once again they have consensual sex.
On the first and third days, it was legal sex. On the middle day it was statutory rape because he was over 18 and she was under 16. There have been cases like this. The 18 yr old is now a convicted rapist, a lifelong felon, and forever a registered sex offender.
I see the OP situation as being where the fury of the legal system will create far more damage to everybody, including the boy, than the original escapades did.
And you know the boy is "fine" how?
And dont muddy up an 18 year old with a 15 year old with a boy who is only 13 with a grown woman 15 years his senior, that's a huge difference
If there is more to the story than given, I agree it is not an escapade. Could they have had intercourse? Yes, sure, but we have not been told that. People are jumping to all kinds of conclusions on the nature or extent of what happened, when all we have been told is that the boy pursued the woman, and he fingered her 4 times. People are calling for her to be crushed by the law and for the boy to be subjected to the hell of the investigative process and public scrutiny simply because it is the letter of the law.
Imagine it is exactly as told to us. How much psychological damage has been done to him if the events were exactly as stated by the OP? Would it be wise to subject the boy to the questioning and the pressures of the prosecutorial investigation? Would it be wise to subject the boy to the ridicule and harassment he would likely be subjected to by his school mates and friends? How much damage would be done to him by the system if she is prosecuted?
It is suspicious that she doesn't remember. If there is more to the story, I think the boy's parents should be notified, and they should have the decision on notifying authorities based on the facts and circumstances.
I don't know where you live but,the scenario you described would be statutory rape here on all 3 days. Age of consent here is 17. Posted via Mobile Device
I have a 13 year old boy myself right now and I would be vociferously trying to get that woman thrown in jail if that happened to him. (and get a specialist for my son)
It is quite possible that this woman is an adult survivor of child sexual abuse, herself. It's also possible other adults knew of her abuse and for whatever reason, failed to intervene. Now we have a new victim. This cycle typically continues until someone steps up and does the right thing.
This is a subject matter that unfortunately I know far too well. I have now calmed down enough from reading this thread to put together a rational response without interjecting too many personal emotions.
In my personal opinion little concern should be given to weddings, deposits, or explanations. She could be subject to Federal charges as the boy traveled out of state in addition to state charges potentially ranging from 1 to 4 counts for child molestation, aggravated child molestation, sexual battery, etc.. If you cannot understand the magnitude of what has happened then whether or not you marry her is of little importance. If you fail to report her you will have become a willing accompliace; legally in 20 states and I'd dare to say through failed moral principles in most parts of the world.
I will highlight the most important items to focus your attention on CLEAR CUT information that you need to fully absorb, so please forgive the wall of text.
FACT: Consent is not a matter of consideration, and is not available as a defense to a charge of child molestation or sexual abuse. Federal and state laws do not recognize a child capable of issuing consent for any sexual acts.
Child molestation is a crime involving a range of indecent or sexual activities between an adult and a child, usually under the age of 14. In psychiatric terms, these acts are sometimes known as pedophilia. It is important, however, to keep in mind that child molestation and child Sexual Abuse refer to specific, legally defined actions. They do not necessarily imply that the perpetrator bears a particular psychological makeup or motive. For example, not all incidents of child molestation are perpetrated by pedophiles; sometimes the perpetrator has other motives for his or her actions and does not manifest an ongoing pattern of sexual attraction to children. Thus, not all child molestation is perpetrated by pedophiles, and not all pedophiles actually commit child molestation.
Regardless of the terminology, it is illegal for an adult to engage in "lewd and lascivious" acts with a child. Even in cases where it can be proven that the minor victim was a willing participant, a sex act or improper touching is still a crime because children cannot legally consent to anything. There are reasons why criminal penalties are severe for those convicted of child molestation.
Child molestation victims rarely grow into adult offenders however, child victims are more likely to become offenders of other children and adults before becoming an adult themselves. Symptoms of sexual abuse in older children and adolescents include: Promiscuity, Substance abuse, Aggression, and Pseudo-mature behaviors. She could have been abused as a child which would lead to poor boundaries however - that is irrelevant as she is an adult that knows the difference between right and wrong.
Is this boy around other children who could be or become victims either by him or by who may have abused him which led to his behavior??? What if this boy escalates his behavior to rape or other violent sexual acts???None of us can answer that question which is why YOU need to report this crime to professionals who can determine the best course of action.
There is no single profile that accurately describes or accounts for all child molesters. There are many variables among individuals in terms of their personal characteristics, life experiences, criminal histories, and reasons for committing such offenses. One common misconception is that molested children grow up to become child molesters themselves. But, in fact, most childhood sexual abuse victims do not go on to become perpetrators. In some instances, if a child is sexually victimized, and is abused in other ways as well, he or she may later molest a child. Likewise, a sexually abused child who also exhibits antisocial behavior may go on to commit acts of child molestation, although an individual's inadequate social and interpersonal skills do not make it inevitable that he will sexually abuse children.
Children are often refuse to report an incident because they are ashamed or they fear retaliation (blame, punishment) from the perpetrator, peers, family, etc.. It would not be surprising if the boy refused to admit to any of the acts given the close interpersonal relationships or if he was a "willing participant". However, that does not excuse the adults (including you) from reporting the crime.
In 20 states,citizens who suspect abuse or neglect are required to report it. “Reasonable suspicion” based on objective evidence, which could be firsthand observation or statements made by an adult, parent or child, is all that is needed to report. She confessed to you; it is now your legal and ethical responsibility to report it if she is unwilling.
State statutes vary but all receiving federal funds must comply to minimum standards and are generally uniform in context. The following are examples of state statutes dealing with sexual molestation:
16-6-4. Child molestation; aggravated child molestation.
A person commits the offense of child molestation when he or she does any immoral or indecent act to or in the presence of or with any child under the age of 16 years with the intent to arouse or satisfy the sexual desires of either the child or the person.
SEC. 97-5-23. Touching, handling, etc., child.
(1) Any person above the age of eighteen (18) years, who, for the purpose of gratifying his or her lust, or indulging his or her depraved licentious sexual desires, shall handle, touch or rub with hands or any part of his or her body or any member thereof, any child under the age of fourteen (14) years, with or without the child's consent, shall be guilty of a felony.
SEC. 97-3-95. Sexual battery.
(1) A person is guilty of sexual battery if he or she engages in sexual penetration with:
(a) another person without his or her consent;
(b) A mentally defective, mentally incapacitated or physically helpless person; or
(c) A child under the age of fourteen (14) years
(2) A person is guilty of sexual battery if he or she engages in sexual penetration with a child of fourteen (14) but less than eighteen (18) years if the person is in a position of trust or authority over the child including without limitation the child's teacher, counselor, physician, psychiatrist, psychologist, minister, priest, physical therapist, chiropractor, legal guardian, parent, stepparent, aunt, uncle, scout leader or coach.
P.S. If anyone over the age of 18 ever attempts to seduce or molest my 14 year old son... at least one of us is going to jail and/or the hospital.
Something to think about that (I think) has not been mentioned:
Almost certainly you are reporting a crime. Even though you believe yourself to be anonymous on this forum, it's very likely you are not. Your IP address is easily available to admins, and (if subpoenaed) to law enforcement. Through this, they have a good chance of tracking you down.
I have no idea if a law enforcement agency would have the will and resources to do this, but you probably should be aware of this.
Similarly, anyone you ask for advice on this, and anywhere you go for support (eg a counselor, psychologist, lawyer, priest) will have a legal obligation to report the crime.
So think carefully about what you want to happen since your fiancee has essentially given you the power here.
That said, I would not marry a woman who would drink enough to lose so much of her judgement so easily. I guarantee you'd be back here in a few months asking about how to deal with another sexual indiscretion...
I've been able to talk to both the boy and her. The boy claims she encouraged him to on multiple occasions, he felt forced to do something he didn't want to do. He claims she would get really close to him when they would lay outside looking at the stars. I tend to believe his story. It seems plausible.
She claims he pressed and pressed her while under stress. She then says she was mad at god because she was alone and hadn't found anyone yet. She claims she doesn't remember certain details, but vehemently denies ever initiating it, or having him touch her sides or legs as he states.
I have text messages from both parties and am currently trying to work up to telling someone about this, namely his parents first. I feel as if she does remember every detail, remembers initiating it, but doesn't want to admit it? She claims she put everything on the table for me, why would she tell a half lie and not the whole truth? I feel like she could tell me what happened easier if she painted him to be a liar and manipulator, and saying that he pressed and pressed her. I feel like if she told me what I think the truth is, she knows I'd leave her in a heart beat.
We are currently seperated. I have to tell his parents or someone about this. Am I seeing the whole picture the right way? Is there a strong possibility that she did in fact initiate it, based on her vague memory and being mad at god to try and justify it? Basically a he said she said scenario. I'm trying to get proper help for the boy, and feel he's comfortable enough to open up to me about it.
1. I'd believe the boy over her. SHE has changed her story from a more innocuous form of contact to "I don't remember." She has also tried to shift blame (drinking, the boy, God, lonliness, stress.) HE has NOT tried to use the bravado of youth that one would expect from him if he, indeed, was the pursuer (ie, "Yeah, she really wanted me, she was into me, etc.)
2. Regardless or WHO pursued WHOM, it was an illegal act EVERY TIME it occurred. There is no state in the US where a 13yo of either gender can legally consent to sexual acts. Nowhere. She is culpable, he is NOT (even if he BEGGED her for it...which I don't believe he did.)
3. I, personally, would report it to the local law enforcement agency. Tell them what she confessed to you. Tell them what the boy said to you. Let them sort it out. Let them notify the boy's parents (they're more experienced at it than YOU are.) They will be able to tell the parents whether or not there is enough info to move forward in prosecuting or whether there is an alternative if they don't want to prosecute. They can direct the parents toward the proper resources for the boy.
That is my opinion.
And you should thank GOD every day that you have dodged a bullet with this very screwed-up woman.
wcw65 I'll pray for you brother. Man this is the saddest story I have heard in a long time. You must be beyond heartbroken. So sorry you are going through this.
I believe you have a moral obligation to tell the police what you know. I know you love her, but doing the right thing means doing what is most painful sometimes.
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Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do?? 
