Serious confession made to me, what do I do??
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Old 04-29-2012, 09:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

Im almost 30 years old, male, and I am crying as I type this. I need help, serious answers only please. My soon to be wife made a confession to me earlier today. We have been together almost a year, wedding date in September. Her parents are devout Baptists, and I got their blessing for marriage.

My soon to be wife still lives with parents, has a farm to maintained and does that as help to her parents. Her parents have a friend who brings their son down every summer so he can get away from his home state. He is 14 currently. He is currently down and lately I have noticed tension between them and just a very weird feeling I had in my gut. She has known him since he was born. She made the confession to me that last summer before she met me, he was down for the summer and 13 at the time. She was working so many hours, under a lot of stress, and not thinking clearly. He had been pressing her for Sexual activity as any 13 year old boy would. Apparently she let him finger her about 4 different times throughout last summer. She said she had been drinking coolers at the time and wasn't thinking clearly.

I am devastated, have been crying for hours now, and texting her telling her how I feel. I don't know what to do here! I love her but at the same time I'm disgusted. We've already put tons of money into the wedding. Invitations have already been sent out. How can something like this be repaired?

After this revelation, I am still in pure shock. We have since went seperate ways to think. We are talking via text because I am too upset to talk on the phone.

What was going through her mind??? She says there was no Sexual attraction, she was overworked and stressed out, and wasn't thinking clearly. I am torn, even though it happened before we met, I am at a loss as to what was going through her head, why she allowed him to do it, I even question if I'm really her first love, it feels like the trust is gone.
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Old 04-29-2012, 09:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

This happened before you met?

Don`t see the problem other than her proximity to him now.

Get her out of her parents house or have him stay away.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

and her being a child molester
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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and her being a child molester

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Old 04-29-2012, 10:10 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

You realize she is a child sex offender. That isn't a few coolers, that's someone who can't be trusted around children,

And btw, 13 yr of kids do not pressure grown women for sex, and grown women would stomp them down hard if they did,
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

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This happened before you met?

Don`t see the problem other than her proximity to him now.

Get her out of her parents house or have him stay away.
The problem is her being 28 and him being 14. She's known him since he was born. I believe her when she says she never touched him, but she let him touch her on 4 occasions. I have a problem with what her frame of mind was/still is. It was a complete blow to my trust when she told me this earlier. We had the same talk all couples have, spill their beans and no secrets from here on out. She told me on multiple occasions there were no secrets. The guilt was eating her alive and here we are.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:12 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

Oh and he's back a year older and ready for more.

If his parents or anyone finds out and goes to the police she will be charged with having sex with a minor and will be a registered sex offender.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

Um. Call the cops on this child molester.

And don't marry her. She has MAJOR issues.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
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The problem is her being 28 and him being 14. She's known him since he was born. I believe her when she says she never touched him, but she let him touch her on 4 occasions. I have a problem with what her frame of mind was/still is. It was a complete blow to my trust when she told me this earlier. We had the same talk all couples have, spill their beans and no secrets from here on out. She told me on multiple occasions there were no secrets. The guilt was eating her alive and here we are.
This is not the woman your were looking for.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

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The problem is her being 28 and him being 14. She's known him since he was born. I believe her when she says she never touched him, but she let him touch her on 4 occasions. I have a problem with what her frame of mind was/still is.
i think your thinking is a little clouded.

do you think any of this would matter if it was a 13 year old girl and a 27 year old man and he just let her touch him several times?
and then back in the same house together again?

no difference. she MOLESTED a CHILD, what ever spin you want to put on it.
what ever excuse you want to give her.
no way i would be with someone like that.

you should hit the road.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:23 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

My biggest issue is coming to terms with this first and foremost. I needed to talk to people first who may have good insight and opinions on the matter. It makes my stomach sick when people use that term, and I understand it's meaning and may be applied to her. I do know for a fact, as another poster pointed out, the boy has always been very touchy feel with her and I raised that as a concern to her, which she said he is just a teenager and denied any culpability. Now fast forward to today and she admits what she let him do. Easiest thing is to just leave her, but so much time, money and energy has been invested in the wedding, as well as my family and friends being notified.

If I left her, how do I make it right, do I tell her family why I am leaving her so I don't look like a complete ass? Or do I make her tell them?
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

Exactly how drunk was she?

I know a guy who claims that when he was 13 he was at a party where a woman in her 20's was very very drunk. He had sex with her.. it was rape... he says that she was so out of it and did not participate. I have no idea if she even could remember it after it happened.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:29 PM   #13 (permalink)
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My biggest issue is coming to terms with this first and foremost. I needed to talk to people first who may have good insight and opinions on the matter. It makes my stomach sick when people use that term, and I understand it's meaning and may be applied to her. I do know for a fact, as another poster pointed out, the boy has always been very touchy feel with her and I raised that as a concern to her, which she said he is just a teenager and denied any culpability. Now fast forward to today and she admits what she let him do. Easiest thing is to just leave her, but so much time, money and energy has been invested in the wedding, as well as my family and friends being notified.

If I left her, how do I make it right, do I tell her family why I am leaving her so I don't look like a complete ass? Or do I make her tell them?
If you break off the wedding you tell her parents exactly why. They have this kid staying at their place. The need to know what is going on as they could be sued if his parents find out and if indeed she was not over the top drunk.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:29 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

No way. Ask for the ring back and then call the cops.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:29 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Serious confession made to me, what do I do??

you are worried about the wedding and the money?
ridiculous.

you can tell her parents if you like.
you should also call the police as that_girl suggested.

but i would high tail it out and not worry about the damn money.
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