After 14 years with two kids under 14, I've had enough of tolerating the situation, settling for less than I want, and putting up with the barrage of guilt trips and other BS being fed to me by my wife.
We simply don't work well together. We are polar opposites, I'm not attracted to her physically. She does nothing for me intellectually. She is a slob. She doesn't work. She is overweight, in constant bad health but does nothing to take care of herself. She constantly complains and brings more drama into our home than any single human being should be allowed. And God forbid if I say I don't want to hear the drama.
I hate describing my wife in these terms but this is what I live with. Throughout 14 years, it went from bad to worse. She blames me for her inability to have any sense of self dignity. She makes every excuse in the world for being overweight, having no energy, never picking up after herself, not finding anything productive to do with her days, I could go on. The point is, she doesn't work - yet I have to get up at 6:00 AM everyday, get myself ready for work, get the kids up, get their breakfast and lunch together (they just started doing this themselves), and getting them out the door on time. By the way, I also walk the dog and take the kids to the bus stop or drive them to school when necessary. I am also the primary cook in the family and cook most of the meals. All she basically does is the laundry and she makes it sound like this is a full time job! She implies we need a maid. We're constantly eating out, which destroys our budget, because she forgets to put anything out for dinner. Must I go on?
We are a one income family that lives check to check so we're always playing catch up. I have no college degree and we struggle financially. There is no savings, no college fund, no retirement. I travel with my job so I can't ask for custody. I'm not sure I beleive in taking kids from their mother anyway. It's not like she's abusive towards them or an addict.
All this, and I catch grief because I am not kind enough. I don't compliment her, tell her I love her, make her feel appreciated, blah blah blah. Unless I am simply a spineless jellyfish, how can I blow smoke up her butt when I feel she brings nothing to the relationship except her motherhood. <<< Not to discount the importance of her as a mother, but come one. She does NOTHING for me as a husband. This sounds selfish I know. But is it too much to ask for her to be a little more productive?
I know this is not the 60's and I am trying not to be chauvinistic but, because it's 2012 I would think she would have a little more ambition. Her actions suggest she is a spoon fed brat who does just enough. I feel like I am an enabler, not being true to myself. Not putting my foot down long ago and making her work. But, having come from a divorced home, living with a single mom who worked her butt off and not having any time with me in my childhood years, I owed it to my children to give them a mother. So I have done that.
But our arguing has affected the children. I admit that. They are older now and pick up on things much easier. They feel the tension and unhappiness in the home and that disturbs me. It prevents me from being the best dad I can be. Sometimes I avoid them simply because of the tension between their mother and me.
Life is too short to go through it being miserable. But I can't afford both child support and alimony, keep up two households, and maintain any sense of sanity. She would drive me crazy with the calls to bail her out of her "emergencies". It is always something, so why would I think that would change if we were to divorce? And the thought of leaving my children is the only thing that keeps me hanging on.
This post doesn't tell the whole story, but it paints a telling picture. I'm just tired and don't know what to do.
We simply don't work well together. We are polar opposites, I'm not attracted to her physically. She does nothing for me intellectually. She is a slob. She doesn't work. She is overweight, in constant bad health but does nothing to take care of herself. She constantly complains and brings more drama into our home than any single human being should be allowed. And God forbid if I say I don't want to hear the drama.
I hate describing my wife in these terms but this is what I live with. Throughout 14 years, it went from bad to worse. She blames me for her inability to have any sense of self dignity. She makes every excuse in the world for being overweight, having no energy, never picking up after herself, not finding anything productive to do with her days, I could go on. The point is, she doesn't work - yet I have to get up at 6:00 AM everyday, get myself ready for work, get the kids up, get their breakfast and lunch together (they just started doing this themselves), and getting them out the door on time. By the way, I also walk the dog and take the kids to the bus stop or drive them to school when necessary. I am also the primary cook in the family and cook most of the meals. All she basically does is the laundry and she makes it sound like this is a full time job! She implies we need a maid. We're constantly eating out, which destroys our budget, because she forgets to put anything out for dinner. Must I go on?
We are a one income family that lives check to check so we're always playing catch up. I have no college degree and we struggle financially. There is no savings, no college fund, no retirement. I travel with my job so I can't ask for custody. I'm not sure I beleive in taking kids from their mother anyway. It's not like she's abusive towards them or an addict.
All this, and I catch grief because I am not kind enough. I don't compliment her, tell her I love her, make her feel appreciated, blah blah blah. Unless I am simply a spineless jellyfish, how can I blow smoke up her butt when I feel she brings nothing to the relationship except her motherhood. <<< Not to discount the importance of her as a mother, but come one. She does NOTHING for me as a husband. This sounds selfish I know. But is it too much to ask for her to be a little more productive?
I know this is not the 60's and I am trying not to be chauvinistic but, because it's 2012 I would think she would have a little more ambition. Her actions suggest she is a spoon fed brat who does just enough. I feel like I am an enabler, not being true to myself. Not putting my foot down long ago and making her work. But, having come from a divorced home, living with a single mom who worked her butt off and not having any time with me in my childhood years, I owed it to my children to give them a mother. So I have done that.
But our arguing has affected the children. I admit that. They are older now and pick up on things much easier. They feel the tension and unhappiness in the home and that disturbs me. It prevents me from being the best dad I can be. Sometimes I avoid them simply because of the tension between their mother and me.
Life is too short to go through it being miserable. But I can't afford both child support and alimony, keep up two households, and maintain any sense of sanity. She would drive me crazy with the calls to bail her out of her "emergencies". It is always something, so why would I think that would change if we were to divorce? And the thought of leaving my children is the only thing that keeps me hanging on.
This post doesn't tell the whole story, but it paints a telling picture. I'm just tired and don't know what to do.