My wife and I have been dating for 7+ years and married for 9 months. She came to me a few months ago saying that she Loved me...but where we ever in love...or just friends that decided to take the next step.
I know something was wrong but thought it was due to the surgery she was going to have. Surgeries of this level can be life changing. I was astounded at this statement, especially since we had had so many great times together.
I feel like she has completly changed and made up her mind. Now all she does is look at things from the past and spin them in a negative way, even though there was never an indication of those feelings at the time. One example was stating that our engagement was not romantic enough & why did it take so long? I feel like if you want you can rewrite history from any perspective and make it sound good or bad.
It is very frustrating as the person that I fell in love with seems to have been replaced by a stranger. I believe she doesn't want to work on it and just throw in the towl.
I would strongly suspect that there is someone else that has entered the picture, you just don't know who that person is yet.
Cheaters:
--say I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You
--re-write the relationship history (I mean, really, "our engagement was not romantic enough"??? that's almost as bad as the other howler I heard recently, "I don't love you because you don't dress fashionably")
The thing is that I never heard any of this stuff before. She swears its not anyone else. But to say things like that really makes me scratch my head. "Were we ever in love" was another one. It just seems bizarre to convey all this info to me now after all these years to make it seem like nothing mattered.
Mr. T, given that you've ruled out an affair, I believe your initial intuition -- that it is associated with her fibroid tumor surgery -- likely is correct. Or, more specifically, I suspect a hormone change (not the surgery itself) may be the culprit. I note that uterine fibroid tumors (or leiomyomas) are estrogen dependent – they THRIVE on estrogen. See 10 Things to Know About Uterine Fibroid Tumors.
Hence, one possibility is that her estrogen level could have been too high. Another possibility is that her gynecologist prescribed an estrogen blocker to shrink the fibroid tumors prior to surgery (or afterwards, to reduce the chance of a regrowth).
I mention all this about estrogen because this hormone typically regulates mood, with the result that low levels of it in some individuals can cause low mood, anxiety and irritability. See Estrogen & Moodiness | LIVESTRONG.COM.
Given that you two had 7 good years together, and given that these recent issues coincide with the fibroid tumor discovery and its treatment, I strongly suggest that the two of you speak with her gynecologist about the role that hormones may be playing. If that professional is not helpful, I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist (i.e., a psychologist who also has a medical degree and thus is well trained in the effects of hormones). Take care, Mr. T.
I'm thinking you're dealing with someone who has headspace issues. Logic doesn't square with a married woman saying she wants out because the engagement wasn't romantic enough and it doesn't square with staying with someone 7 years and then telling them you never loved them. Depression, maybe? If you suddenly felt your world was dark and hopeless, you'd look around for an explanation and your partner would do quite nicely.
Unfortunately, one does not confirm whether or not a cheater is cheating by asking them. In order to cheat, a betrayer must start out by lying to themselves, and as they enter into the affair more deeply, they must learn how to get better and better at lying to you.
Checking facebook, Internet search history, and cellphone call and texting records are much more reliable than a possible cheat.
I'm not saying she's cheating. But we've had just 2 people in the last few days who posted a while back that they received the ILYBINILWY speech, and both came back to say, well, you all were right, they were cheating. I kid you not that the rate of hearing those words and discovering some type of betrayal are extremely high.
I would not rule out an affair just because she said so.
I pray I am wrong. Unfortunately, the track record for this precise situation is not a good one. Please take heed.
Some folks get married, expecting some parts of the relationship to magically improve and when it doesn't happen there was not enough love and doubts about marriage pop up. Logical, no but fantasies about married life fool a lot of people. If she is having hormone stuff and worried about future children and/or sex life, instead of discussing it with you, maybe she is assuming all the future changes are undesirable and is rejecting you before you have the chance to reject her. It doesnt sound like you have talked to her enough to try to find out the truth, but all those other ideas expressed are possible too. Try talking to find out her worries and insecurities before you let her weaken your relationship because she is scared or devious.
Is it possible that the surgery & increased hormones made her go back and realize that our relationship wasn't what she thought? I still feel that all those factors are skewing her view on us. Believe me I would not type it if I didn't believe it.
She seems to have made her mind up and every time we talk about this she says the same thing(s).
All great responses but I would also remind you to rule out an affair bt monitoring her comms. Key logger on PC, VARs in car and check cell phone billing records for abnormally high volume of textx and calls to one number
All great responses but I would also remind you to rule out an affair bt monitoring her comms. Key logger on PC, VARs in car and check cell phone billing records for abnormally high volume of textx and calls to one number
We tried, Toffer.
Keep us updated, Mr. T. Just so you know, no one around here will ever say "I told you so." We want only the very best for you. But for the type of inexplicable radical change you're describing, it does not sound to me like a hormonal imbalance. If you want to wait until after surgery, that's understandable. I'd ask her doctor if this issue could present itself as a radical change in emotions. The answer is almost surely no--but why not ask?
Just to clarify....The surgery was near the end of March. There had been tension in the months leading up to it - I thought it just had to do with the uncertainty leading up to a major surgery.
I will see if I can find anything out of the ordinary in regards to phones #'s...like this whole chain of events!
Are there any good phone number look up resources out there? I found a number I dont recognize on the cell bill and want to see who owns it. I believe it is a cell phone number.
Are there any good phone number look up resources out there? I found a number I dont recognize on the cell bill and want to see who owns it. I believe it is a cell phone number.
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Never in love with you???? 
