05-19-2012, 08:55 AM
Join Date: Dec 2011
| | What To Do...?
I've been married for over a year now. My marriage was arranged but I did not mind it so much because that's how most marriages in my culture work. I thought that I could make it work and that love will eventually develop between my husband and I.
I got married knowing that I did not love him (but such a thing (love before marriage) is uncommon in my culture). So why did I marry him? Aside from a little pressure from my family, he was and still is a kind, educated, intelligent, open-minded human being. We are of the same background so we have the same views and takes on life and have a lot of interests in common. I thought all of that would eventually pave the way for love.
I feel that right now we are living like roommate with the added occasional sex, which is another issue. I do not like the sex, not because he isn't any good, but because it's simply just the act. There is no passion and there is no want on my end. I hate it. My body does not want it nor does my mind. I think it is poisonous. I am not attracted to him as a wife should be. I am not turned on by his touch or hug or kiss. I want to be, I crave the feeling but it's not there.
I feel that I am and have been for a while depressed. Every morning, I dread waking up. I do not enjoy things I used to enjoy. I have lost more weight than I have in my whole entire life (I'm 5'2 and about 90 lb). I'm mentally exhausted.
I keep battling within myself whether to stay or leave, when I KNOW the larger part of me wants to leave. The other is just concerned about my family and his and my hubby's feelings and how I will be perceived in my community. I know those should not be valid concerns but they are.
I am stuck and not sure what to do. I don't even know how to approach the topic of divorce with my husband. How am I supposed to tell him that I no long want to be with him? We have talked about this and he knows I'm not in love but he says we need to give it time. We have given it time and I have tried to be a good wife. But the connection and chemistry is not there. I can't handle it anymore and I feel that I am holding him from moving on with him life and finding a mate who will love him.
So what I want to know is, how do I approach my husband about divorce? I know there is no easy way but whats the most respectful, less painful way? And how do I start the process?
Last edited by broken_dreams; 05-19-2012 at 08:06 PM.