05-20-2012, 09:59 AM
Join Date: May 2012
Location: South Carolina
| | Internet Addition
As the title implies, I'm dealing with a wife who is an admitted internet addict. We have no children and have been married just a bit under three years. She has been taking citalopram (Celexa) off and on; her prescription ran out and I found out she didn't care to refill it until she was of it for a month or two and I insisted she did.
To be fair, I should've seen this coming - when we met she was in college / I was out for a while (I'm 8 years older, she's 25 soon) and she was on the computer a lot. As a student she was also on the computer for the overwhelming majority of her free time while I took care of everything. For some reason I assumed maybe it would change after she graduated college a year ago, but that didn't happen. She never found a job that uses her business degree - she's a part time intern, and works part time at a chinese restaurant or a total of 45 hours a week. She has no real desire to look for work anymore because in her words, she doesn't like wasting her time applying for jobs she won't get. Very little effort gets put forth; she blames the economy for no one interviewing or hiring her.
It's at the point where she'll stay up until 3:30, even 5am to be online because she wants to watch performances or shows from the korean pop bands she has an obsession for. Her life basically revolves around this music to the point that she'll drive across our small state to go visit an online "friend" for a few days who is a fellow korean pop fan, but she won't put forth any effort into us or real life people. She feels that people she chats with about these bands on facebook and other places online are her friends, as opposed to real life people we see and interact with. There are various excuses for that, and pretty much anything else going on with our marriage.
She's also flown to New York City to go see one of these bands put on a show in the US, and she wanted to fly to LA to do the same before their concert was cancelled. Her mother and her are going to Korea (seeing music I'm sure is on the agenda) for two weeks this summer, and she'll surely lose her job at the restaurant as she'll be gone for closer to 3 weeks. This doesn't concern her.
I share no interest in this music; that and the computer I almost see as a competitor or rival in our marriage. I handle finances, bills, investing, cleaning, shopping, cooking (basically for me because she works in the evening), cars, the dog and cat, home improvements, ... This came up during our 2 hour blowout yesterday evening to the response that she did unload the dishwasher this time. Housework is something I could write about equally as long as the internet and the music thing.
Yesterday I finally hit my limit - I realized that I can't deal with a lifetime of continuing along like this, as roomates or people who are technically married but only one works towards supporting the family. I work while she plays and sees nothing wrong with it. She says the internet and this music makes her happy, and that she doesn't want to talk about or do things that the other married people in their mid-late 20s do. The more I think about it though, the more it seems as though we're fundamentally different. I'm looking for normalcy it seems, and someone who will be a participant in keeping the family running. Her, I have no idea about. She seems to live in a world where there's no need to take care of anything (I meet every need she has), and she's completely content to spend every minute she's not working or asleep online. It's hard to go out with her; she has very little that she'd like to talk about aside from the internet or her genre of music. She doesn't say much / I try and talk about things that go nowhere.
I brought up MC but she's not enthusiastic about it. We talked to someone through the church earlier but in my opinion he was a lot more qualified to help with spiritual issues vs. marriage problems. She doesn't want to go try it again, and she doesn't want to see her individual counselor either (though I pointed out, who is going to refill your prescription?).
I'm curious of what the thoughts are here about the internet addiction and everything else. And thoughts of how hopeless she and I are. Even now as I type this at 11am I can hear her on the internet (iphone) listening to her music in bed. To me it seems hopeless; if I move out at least the timer has been started on the one year South Carolina requires people to be separated for in order to get a divorce. I can't imagine going on like this for a lifetime... at least we don't have any kids.
Will be back to check replies - I won't be a 1 hit poster. Thanks, and sorry the post is long.