whattodonext

My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 10, and struggling for 2. There is no cheating involved, we have just drifted apart. I can say that neither of us are bad people. We started dating in our early 20s before either of us knew who we really were, than I got pregnant and we got married a year and a half later. In the beginning things were easier, I was his cheerleader, supporting him in everything he wanted to do. I had his back and would manage everything from the bills to all the little things. Fast forward and when I started needing him to have my back, he wasn't there. He told me today that he is not an emotional person. This has hurt me so many times in the past, him not being there and now I depend on my parents or my friends for emotional support or a pat on my back. Add to that, he resents my job and my desire to do more - does not want to talk about my job even though it is something I really enjoy and want to share with him. I am not in love anymore. He says he wants it to work but he does not want me to look to him for emotional support or for me talk about my job at all. We have 2 beautiful kids together and I feel so guilty about not wanting to stay in the marriage and scared leaving is a mistake. We have gone to marriage counseling and all it has done is reiterate how different we are. He says I have changed and he has stayed the same. That is true but I think growth is important and good. I feel that if we stay together, than I have to compromise by not having someone who wants to be a part of everything that I do but just the part that is of interest to him. Don't get me wrong, he is a good loving and loyal guy but neither of us are happy. People keep telling me to stick it out and things will get better but it is consuming all my thoughts and he is becoming depressed. I want a separation but I am scared.

firefairy

Hi. I find myself in a similar situation, but with different issues. I find myself often questioning my marriage as well. Like you, our problems are small compared to some others.
I think the best thing to ask yourself is.. Are you happy?
I look at my situation, where I also don't think I am inlove anymore, and I ask myself, Is the grass greener on the other side? If I leave my husband will I just find someone else with issues that I don't like? We as humans arent perfect. Everyone has flaws. Are his flaws something that you can deal with?
I'm not understanding why your husband doesn't like to talk about your job. I guess in a sense it could be something similar to my husband talking about the heating systems in the house. I just don't want to talk about the heating system, it doesn't interest me. HEHE. So although it may be hurtful to you that he does not want to hear about something you enjoy so much.. it may just be because he has no interest in it. This can be hurtful because it's something your passionate about, but is there anyone else that shares your passion that can give you the attention that you need when talking about your work? Do you and your husband have good communication about other things in your relationship and lives? Do you talk often? Are you ever interested in what each other have to say? Do you laugh often? Do you smile when watching him with the children?
I think you need to ask yourself.. Is my husband the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? Try to picture yourself without him by your side does it make you happy, or make you sad?

whattodonext

Really interesting that you said that because last night, I did not get much sleep. I read thru several post and their was one that stood out for me with a woman that deeply regretted getting divorced. I don't want that regret. Right now I am not happy and our relationship is sorely lacking communication. Much of the reason is me. I have kind of shut down. This morning he reached out to me and told me he doesn't want our relationship to end. He wants so bad for it work, I feel like I have to really try. Something I have not really done. Resentment from the past has caused me to hold on to a grudge that will eventually destroy our marriage. We did have a breakthrough in the sense that he finally is starting to understand who I am. One of the main reasons we are in this situation is because I did not believe he sees who I am - all of me. Not just the wife and mother because I am so much more than that. I do have others who I can share my passion with but it is important that I can share it with him. Me turning to others in my family for support is one of the reasons we drifted apart. This Friday, he is planning a date for us. Something he has never done. He has always depended on me to do everything so I will keep you posted.

firefairy

I hope you have a great night on your "date night"! Maybe it's step one to reconnect! If he is willing to make an effort, then he's worth making an effort for on your part

Good Luck! :-)