05-21-2012, 11:15 AM
Join Date: May 2012
| | Who is the man I married.. and who am I??
I have been together with my husband for almost 10yrs, married for almost 4yrs. I could coexist with him forever for the sake of his feelings and our childrens.. but is that what I really want?
It seems that we have both changed so much over the years that we don't reconize each other anymore. My husband use to be so laid back, easy going, fun loving guy. I use to be wild, crazy, yet sweet and compassionate. He is now miserable, depressed, and worries all the time. I am too reserved, responsible, afraid to cut lose, yet still sweet.
We had so many problems in our early years. We were young and crazy. I had a daughter aready (had her as a teen) then we decided to move in together and have a child together. I went into full blown mommy mode. I changed almost everything about me. I made so many mistakes with my oldest daughter that I just wanted to make things right and be the best mommy i could be to the both of my girls. My husband struggled with drinking. I left him many times before he got it under control and I agreed to married him. He loves me, he would do anything for me.. yet he changed so much to try to make me happy that he completely lost himself. Now in our older years where I am ready to move on and just enjoy life and not worry.. not live in fear.. and just do the best we can.. he still lives in constant fear that I will leave him. (I have not left him in over 5 yrs.. I only agreed to marry him once I was sure things were better and that we could make it work)
It's so hard because our probems our small.. but yet they feel so big. (Main problem.. he has a really hard time dealing with the oldest.. a mouthy teenager.. that thinks the world revolves around her and he lets it make him miserable for days) Ive gotten to the point that I just don't want to hear him talk about all the wrong in our lives anymore.. I just want to be happy.. I want to enjoy what we have.. I don't want to constantly talk about things that drag us down. I don't want to hear him ***** about the kids anymore!! I started avoiding him. or just agreeing with him so he shuts up. I started asking myself.. i got one life.. is this the marriage i want for myself?? Is this my happily ever after i dreamed about grwoing up? I love this man.. I know he loves me.. I just can't stnd being around him anymore.. and he sees it, and it makes him more depressed and needy. Do i even need to mention that I don't want sex really at all and haven't for years.
Last, he has never been someone that pampers me on hoildays or suprises me with romance. I always wanted that. I thought i was ok without it.. but it still bugs me. We don't share the same ideas. His idea of a happily ever after ending is a shack in the woods.. where i prefer a nice home in the suburbs. I want to foster puppies.. he wants to go camping (i'm not a camping person)
Can we fix this? Is there a way to work this out?? Or should I walk away? Advice please?