killifish

Been with my wife for almost 10 years and we have have 2 kids, 4 and 7, We were great for the first couple of years until we had our first child, then we got into a slump. She is a great mom, and a good wife. She cleans, cooks, and lets me do whatever I want (like fishing, hunting, pool leagues, etc)

I have noticed lately (or for the last few years) I no longer have the desire to kiss her.. She will try to kiss me and I pull away. I don't even enjoy sex with her anymore. I love her as a mom but I am not attracted to her anymore.

I talked to her this morning and told her how I felt and crushed her. She said she hasn't been happy for awhile either and that she has done everything for me. I am thinking about divorce, but do not want to put the kids through that.

JaneDoe2012

My first recommendation: You need to seek couple counseling. That doesn't mean you have to tell anyone, just the two of you. For all anyone else ever has to know you two are going out for a lunch date.

My Tough Love Answer:
One word comes to mind---Selfish. It is my understanding that if you actually started kissing her and making the effort that chances are you will begin to enjoy it all over again. If you made an attempt to start loving her and showing affection as you did early on that YOU would then start to feel those emotions come back again.

Sure it may be different for men than for women but I think as human beings we all really just want to experience another humans touch.

The fact you think it's okay (or easy in my perspective) to just walk away because you dont FEEL attracted anymore is disgusting to me. There are so many other aspects of marriage that matter far and above this one, 1st-the children. Everything you do should be for them and for them you should 100% of the time try everything in your power to ensure they have the best possible chance of a happy and healthy upbringing. Which means showing them how to treat a woman, a wife, a mother. They will look to you and to her and learn from everything you do. Even if you think they aren't watching or aren't listening...they feel it when you are around.

Instead of doing everything for you I would challenge you to take the next 30 days and do EVERYTHING you can for your wife & mother of you children. Help around the house, bring a flowers, just small things at first. A good challenge is the book the "Love Dare" by Kendrick. If you follow that all the way through you may find those same early on emotions you once had.

But giving up and walking away will not only affect yourself, your spouse, your children but also your families, your co-workers, your mutual friends and your childrens friends and activity members.

It's not all about you.

Just my two cents. I truley wish you and your wife all the best.

killifish

Thanks for the advice. I find it hard to "force" myself to want to kiss her..

I will check out that book.

byorn

OH that is a hard case, a am sooooo sorry...

PBear

How much quality time do you two spend together? Just the two of you, no cell phones for texting or surfing, no tv for distractions...

C
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killifish

Not much at all, we both have other things we would rather do it seems