plerner

So the nut shell of my story is I have been married for 10 years. Past couple years have been rough but nothing I thought we couldn't handle. In late February, my husband asked for a divorce cause he was unhappy and assumed I was too. (This was not the case) For past 3 months I have been trying my hardest to make this marriage work. My husband keeps saying he wants to move to Utah cause there are lots of jobs there. Last week he had to go away for business. My kids and I were miserable. Come to find out he was not. Thought that was odd at first till I put two and two together that there was someone else. He left his computer on Tuesday night and I confirmed my suspessions, he has a girlfriend in Utah!!!! I was crushed! I confronted him about my findings and at first he denied, denied, denied! Then he finally said it was true. If it wasn't for the kids I would have thrown his butt to the street that night. I come to find out that his girlfriend is pushing him to get divorced like yesterday, pushing him to take our kids in the divorce and move out to Utah to be with her! (Side note this affair has only been going on since January) I saw a lawyer the next day who told me he could move but he would have to pay me $1,150 in child support, $500 in spousal support and would basically lose custody of his kids. (I so don't want to do that to him.) I had suggested a few weeks back before I knew about her that we all move to Utah. Well the g/f flipped about this idea calling me a stalker b*tch who was ruining HER life! What??!! I am trying to do what is best for my kids here they NEED their dad close by not 1,200 miles away! I also confronted g/f online about the affair and told her that I was going to move to Utah to be with my husband and kids and that I wanted to get to know her since she would obviously be in my kids lives. (Her response to him, fix this or I will never talk to you again and then proceeded to text how I was a nut case and other vulger words) I had gotten my husband to agree to staying here with us but in two homes for next 6 months until kids and I could get used to him being gone. (G/f hates this idea and thinks he should just move to be with her NOW and screw what is best for my kids) Husband understands what I am doing but is hesitant to stay now since g/f voiced her opinion. My husband forbids me from reaching out to her again. Probably a good idea cause I would tell her to back off and stay out of this.

What I need to know is do I just let him move 1,200 miles away on his own and make him lose custody and visition of his kids and pay me money I know he will never have? Move there as well (which I know will end the affair) so my kids still have their dad or try to convince him to stay here for more than 6 months so he can see his kids 24/7 if he wants. My husband is miserable right now cause he can't handle the stress of his g/f and wife/kids. He so needs a break and I want desperately to give him that break but I know he will just use it to "fix" his g/f issues. I am so lost and confused and really just want what is best for my kids. Help please

lamaga

What???

You are letting him stay in the same town in a different house for six months so that the separation is not so hard on him, poor baby?

No. I mean, you do what you want to, but this is really not a good plan. If he's committed to his g/f, and it sounds like he is, boot him out and let him figure out how to come up with the money he's going to owe you every month.

Honestly, you need to stop worrying about him so much and start worrying about yourself. I don't see anyone else worrying about you, do you?

plerner

Our kids did not handle his being gone for work very well last week and I can't see him just up and moving being a good idea either for the kids. He agreed to stay in town in a different house for 6 months to help the kids adjust better to his leaving not for him to adjust to his better.

He wants to pay me only $500 a month (if he can afford it) and wants our kids to go live with him in Utah for the whole summer and all breaks the kids have at school unless he can get the judge to rule against me (which g/f wants him to do cause remember I am a stalker and nut case for trying to save my marriage and family) then I would get the kids when they have breaks and all summer. No matter how you slice this that is not fair to the kids.

I have to try to do what is best for my kids who are 2.5 and 8. Daddy living 1,200 miles away with a girlfriend is NOT what is best for them.

lamaga

No, but Daddy living 1200 miles away with a girlfriend is very lkely to happen, and you need to make sure that your children are taken care of financially.

PLEASE stop worrying about his finances and his well-being. That money he is spending for a separate house? That's money out of your family budget.

I'm sorry to be harsh with you, but I just think you are not being firm enough -- not with him, not with yourself. This is now about your children, and whether you'll be able to buy new shoes for them while he's off in Utah buying her flowers.

I'm so sorry.

alwaysoverwhelmed

You may be trying to do what's best for your children, but is he?

Sunshine72

I agree you should just let him go. Have the court order what would be considered standard visitation and full support. Dragging it out for a few more months is not going to help. If he wants to abandon his family let him feel the consequences. You're not going to be able to keep this from hurting the kids. Be strong and be there for them. He is making these choices not you.
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